Parents Of The Most Successful People Teach These Basic Life Skills Before Their Kids Leave For College
Krakenimages | Shutterstock Parents spend the first 18 years of their kids' lives keeping them safe and meeting their daily needs. Ideally, they slowly wean them off of this protection, teaching them a few key life skills before they grow up and go to college or off to live on their own.
College is an exciting time, but kids are bound to go through major growing pains as they grow up. That's why teaching kids a few basic life skills can set them up for the greatest success.
Parents of the most successful people teach these basic life skills before their kids leave for college
1. How to manage a realistic schedule
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When kids are young, parents are very involved in making and managing their schedules. They keep a running list in their heads of everything their kids need to attend to.
Even as kids get older, it’s not uncommon for parents to go through their kids’ backpacks and read through their planners to keep them on track with homework. Yet at some point along their academic journey, kids need to be responsible for their own time management. They can’t bring their parents with them to college, which means they need to develop the skills to handle their own schedules.
According to professional organizer Diane Quintana, the first step of successful time management is to “understand and acknowledge the most important things in your life.”
“Identify what you want to attend to on a regular basis [and] place your focus on things that support the way you want to live,” she advises.
“Take advantage of your personal strengths and better organize your day so that you do your hardest, most challenging work when you know you are at your best,” Quintana concluded.
College is full of really fun opportunities for distraction, which is why teaching kids time management before they arrive on campus is so important.
2. Healthy ways to handle stress
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For as many positive opportunities college provides, it can also be a major source of stress. This is why it's absolutely critical to start practicing stress management before they even choose a college.
As the American Psychological Association notes, experiencing some level of stress is an unavoidable part of life, but kids shouldn’t feel like they’re always struggling to stay afloat.
Once you’ve done some self-reflection to figure out what triggers your stress, you can try out various techniques to relieve that tension. Mindfulness meditation, breath work, and exercise help keep you present in your body and recenter yourself. Spending time outside helps you refocus and find a sense of calm.
Your kids might be far away, but you can suggest things like talking to your roommate, your RA, or a therapist on campus. When a parent helps their kids get into these practices and lets them know everyone gets stressed and that it' snot weak to ask for help, they give their kids a head start in life.
3. How to cook a few basic meals
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Parents of successful people teach their kids basic cooking skills because it helps the kids be healthier, more independent adults. Yes, college kids keep a steady diet of ramen noodles, mac 'n cheese, and PB&J, but those delicious and comforting foods are not the most balanced approach to nutrition.
Teaching kids how to cook teaches them essential skills for self-care. The act of planning meals, buying groceries, and preparing them gives kids the foundation they need to keep themselves well-fed. If you're raising a boy, it teaches him to see food prep as his responsibility, too.
4. Keeping a clean living space
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College is an exercise in communal living, which is why cleaning is such an essential skill parents need to teach their kids before they leave home. This skill makes them more than just a good roommate, according to Harvard University, kids who start doing chores early on in their lives gain more than just a practical understanding of cleaning up, they also learn empathy, responsibility, and a sense of self-efficacy.
Asking kids to set the table, put their laundry away, and pick up their toys helps them understand the labor that keeps a household running. Doing chores encourage kids to think outside of their own experience. And practice makes the chores feel easier as they gain mastery of the skills.
5. Budgeting and basic banking skills
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Sending kids out into the world without a basic understanding of money management can cause them serious harm. If they head out to college with no real understanding of how to budget, manage their account, turn a card off or report it lost or stolen, you're just setting them up for financial disaster.
Having candid conversations about spending and saving money sets kids up for success in college and beyond. For many incoming college students, budgeting feels scary and overwhelming, but parents can help by breaking the concept down into easily digestible pieces.
Colleges students also need to be warned about credit card salespeople hanging out in off-campus locations known for having a lot of college kids. Often, they use predatory marketing tactics to get them to sign up for cards that are a really bad deal, setting them up for a lifetime of debt that's 20 percentage points higher in interest than even their student loans.
Financial literacy is a life-long skill, and it's best to start teaching it young.
6. Scheduling appointments
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Another essential aspect of adulthood parents should teach their kids before college is scheduling their own appointments and doing all the follow-up work, like checking with insurance and managing prescriptions. This includes making phone calls and entering appointments into their phones (with reminders).
Navigating the healthcare system in America is an annoyance at best and a major challenge at worst. Giving kids the tools they need to take care of their own health needs is crucial. And, while adults may not love making these phone calls, some young people are actually phobic of it and taking classes to overcome this fear!
While calling doctor’s offices and taking the time to actually go to appointments isn’t exactly a college student’s idea of a good time, it’s a necessary part of being independent and having agency over their own lives. Being able to do routine things like this will boost their confidence, too.
7. Professional communication skills
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The current generation of college kids were born into a fully digital era, which means professional communication skills may elude them. They’re well-versed in texting and TikTok, but they don’t always know how to communicate in a more formal way.
A large swath of Gen Z kids are wildly averse to leaving voicemails, which is another essential form of communication they need to learn as they make their way in the world. College kids don’t necessarily know the proper etiquette to follow for self-advocating in a high-stakes academic setting. These skills are fairly simple but not always intuitive. If they can’t make the deadline for an assignment, they should know that they can’t wait until the day before it’s due to tell their professor.
Understanding how to properly communicate is a foundational skillset that kids should learn before heading off to college.
8. Regulating their emotions
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A significant part of a parent’s role is guiding their kids through the ups and downs of their emotional landscapes. Kids need to learn how to regulate their emotions before college so they can build strong, lasting relationships and feel like they’re capable of handling whatever the world throws their way.
First, parents should help their kids learn to recognize their emotions and start talking about them.
Once you allow your emotions to exist, you’re then able to validate them, which helps you move through them. You can journal, process struggles or issues into a voice note you may never send, or just spend time meditating in order to practice self-control so you don't lash out.
Emotional regulation is a lifelong process, one that requires staying in touch with yourself and being self-reflective. It's not always easy, but no other item on this list is as important for future success.
9. Setting goals
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Setting goals is something that’s often assumed to be intuitive, but it’s actually a learned skill. Parents help their kids determine their values, which are a core part of any goal that’s worth working toward. They can also help their kids understand the importance of both short-term and long-term goals, and how to differentiate between the two.
There are several benefits to setting goals, including for mental health. When kids have a clear sense of what they want, they can figure out the steps they need to take to make their dreams a reality.
Setting goals is a way for college kids to challenge themselves, and achieving their small goals helps them reach their larger goals. Studying for a midterm is a small goal, which can help them earn their degree and find work in a field they’re passionate about.
While it might be tempting to dive straight into their long-term goals, setting specific, accessible goals keeps the process easier to manage.
10. Respectful conflict resolution
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College provides kids the singular opportunity to be completely surrounded by other kids their age. Respectful conflict resolution is a crucial element for building a community that sustains and nourishes them.
While throwing tantrums or going quiet are developmentally appropriate for younger children who don’t know how to handle their emotions, by the time kids enter college, they need to know how to manage conflicts in a more constructive way.
Pouting becomes manipulative and the silent treatment is often considered a form of emotional abuse. College kids need to learn how to resolve conflict without relying on these manipulative habits.
They’re bound to run up against other kids with opposing perspectives and alternate points of view, which will ultimately require them to discuss their own position with clarity and compassion. Collaborative conflict resolution can create mutual respect, unity, and shared purpose.
The first steps for respectful and assertive conflict resolution include defining the source of the conflict and discussing it in a direct way. This is a skill kids need to practice before they go to college, so they have a head start on the firrst step of managing conflict.
11. Making informed decisions
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Before kids get to college, their parents really have to teach them how to make thoughtful, informed decisions. College is a full lifestyle experience, after all. Outside of class, there are parties, club meetings, and a thousand other ways students can spend their time.
Parents steer their kids’ decision-making process when they’re young, but if they hold on too tight to the controls, their kids don’t learn that essential life skill for themselves. Kids need to practice making good choices, while still having a soft landing if it goes wrong.
According to The Child Mind Institute, teaching kids to make informed decisions is a balancing act between letting them make mistakes and learn from them, and rescuing them from harm if needed. Parents can ease into this life-long lesson by letting their kids make small decisions to start, which helps them develop their intuition and a sense of self-trust.
“If we give them little opportunities to make their own decisions, then they’ll know what to do in those bigger opportunities because they’ve had training,” clinical psychologist Rachel Busman shared.
She points out how valuable it is for parents to know when to step in and when to step back.
Parents can’t keep kids wrapped in their warm, protective embrace forever, as much as they might want to. At some point, parents have to nudge their kids out of the proverbial nest, so they can spread their wings and soar.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
