If A Family Member Uses These 11 Phrases, They Have Zero Respect For You Whatsoever
sebra | Shutterstock Like many other kinds of relationships, respect plays a fundamental role in crafting healthy family dynamics, according to a study from the Journal of Family Theory & Review. Not only does it provide a foundation for generosity and affection to thrive, but it also ensures that hard conversations and arguments are productive, even when people don't agree.
However, if a family member uses certain phrases, they have zero respect for you whatsoever. From refusing to take accountability to holding you to past versions of yourself, it's easy to spot a disrespectful person in these small, unsuspecting conversations.
If a family member uses these 11 phrases, they have zero respect for you whatsoever
1. 'After everything I've done for you?'
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Transactional relationships often feel more like business transactions than real, close connections. They're defined only by the exchange of value, rather than unconditional love, respect, and generosity. Transactional people expect something in return, even for doing the bare minimum, which often urges them to use disrespectful phrases like "After everything I've done for you?"
Rather than seeing you as a full person with your own needs, they perceive you as someone who has something to offer. They subtly dehumanize and disrespect you for the sake of personal gain, even if they're not entirely conscious of it.
2. 'You're selfish'
Rather than coming to terms with their own entitlement to someone's space or energy, a family member who consistently oversteps boundaries will project to justify their behavior. They use phrases like "you're so dramatic" or "you're selfish" when someone reasserts their boundaries, because they don't know how to cope with respecting someone else's needs and wishes.
They're the entitled ones who think that anything that's not convenient or helpful for them is inherently "unfair." But sometimes, in the relationships with people you care about the most, showing up for them isn't always easy or convenient.
3. 'You're too much'
Whether it's sarcastic in tone or not, someone who pushes you to be smaller and less authentic isn't on your team. If a family member uses a phrase like "you're too much," they have zero respect for you whatsoever. For their own convenience and to cope with their own feelings of inadequacy, they'd prefer you be less genuine and authentic.
Of course, feeling accepted by our families, especially as children, plays a big role in how we navigate our lives, but that doesn't mean we have to change ourselves to seek it out. There are ways to find this feeling in "chosen family" and craft self-appreciation without subjecting ourselves to constant feedback and disrespect.
4. 'You're so embarrassing'
Embarrassment is often a strong social emotion for everyone, but especially for insecure people who seek attention and validation from others. They care deeply about what other people think and change themselves constantly to be more "likable" to others, rather than leaning into authenticity, even when it's uncomfortable.
So, if someone in your family is always making themselves smaller to appeal to others, chances are your authenticity, loudness, or big life is going to threaten them. It not only makes them feel embarrassed on an incredibly superficial level, but it also shines a spotlight on their own insecurity.
By the rulebook for how they live their own lives, you're not respected. But in the grand scheme of things, is that really such a bad thing?
5. 'Get over it''
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Whether it's small passive moments where a hurtful comment stuck or larger, vulnerable discussions around a childhood with your parents, if you hear "get over it" come from a family member's mouth, they have zero respect for you.
Of course, this kind of language often stems from insecurity and personal emotional turmoil. A parent who feels the need to avoid accountability for self-preservation will forgo emotionally supporting their kids in situations where they feel "attacked." Unfortunately, it may be this support that actually builds their self-esteem and ability to offer respect in the long-term, as a 2016 study explains.
6. 'You'll understand when you're older'
If a family member uses phrases like "you'll understand when you're older" or "you wouldn't get it," they're not only undermining your autonomy and intellect as an adult, they're reminding you of their disrespect. Whether it's rooted in control or a need to feel "important" to people, they subtly dismiss and invalidate your presence to make themselves feel secure.
Especially between parents and their adult kids, this kind of "conditional regard", where affection and respect are transactional, causes a lot of tension. Siblings feel a pressure to compete, and individuals are stuck shape-shifting to feel accepted, when unconditional love and support are all they need.
7. 'You're just like them'
Many insecure, emotionally unstable family members will use "othering" as a way to cope with their own internal distress. They create an "in" group to make themselves feel accepted and powerful, and work to ostracize other people to wield control.
Rooted in entitlement, when someone sets a boundary or refuses to fall in line with their every need, they lash out. They use phrases like "you're just like them" to weaponize belonging, even if it only leads to them grappling with loneliness all over again. It's a sign of disrespect, but it's also a reveal into their own personal struggles with emotional chaos.
8. 'Why are you wearing that?'
Disrespect can take many forms, even in small, innocent conversations around clothing or small talk. Being disrespected is really about being undermined — for life choices, clothing habits, or even an entire personality. If someone doesn't offer you basic respect because of what clothes you're wearing, that can pop up in a phrase like this in small moments.
They pick apart your appearance or make mean comments to undermine your presence, even if it drives everyone further apart at home.
9. 'You wouldn't survive without me'
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Disrespect often comes from a place of personal turmoil. Someone who doesn't feel secure in their own identity will attack other people whom they feel threatened by, even if it's their own adult child. "You wouldn't survive without me" undermines your autonomy, but it often comes from someone who needs to feel important to feel secure.
If a parent is dealing with emotional chaos in the face of loneliness or disconnection, they may disengage with this phrase without even realizing it. They're too caught up in their own needs to offer basic human decency to others.
10. 'It's just a joke'
If someone tries to avoid an apology with a phrase like "it's just a joke," they're not actually being funny — they're just trying to protect themselves from feeling attacked for intentionally hurting you. It's a ruse for their hurtful behavior, but it's not unintentional.
If a family member uses these phrases, they have zero respect for you whatsoever. They're more concerned with protecting their own comfort and self-image than being intentionally kind and thoughtful to the people around them.
11. 'You're so dramatic'
To your most insecure, emotionally unintelligent family member, setting and maintaining a healthy boundary is "dramatic." That's why they're always using a phrase like this to undermine your sense of security in yourself, a sense of self-assuredness that they clearly lack.
They try desperately to gaslight you into feeling doubtful or crazy yourself, so they have more access and control over you. Whether it's a sibling or a parent, it's a sign of entitlement that often manifests itself in disrespect.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
