5 Most Important First Date Questions To Find Out If You're Compatible

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5 Most Important First Date Questions To Determine Compatibility

It’s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. To find out the right facts, it's imperative to ask the right first date questions that will help you determine true compatibility.

Without knowing the facts, you could miss some serious red flags and waste a huge amount of time in your search for "The One" — and we don’t want that.

RELATED: 10 Awkward Things That Happen On First Dates — And How To Move Past Them

First Date Questions to Ask

Here are the best first date questions to ask, even if doing so seems scary:

1. "Are you married?"

Seriously? Do you need to ask that question? The answer is a resounding "Yes!"

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to fool around. Either way, you want to know the answer.

If the answer is "yes," you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably making it very difficult for you to find The One.

And that is your ultimate goal, right? Finding The One?

2. "How long have you been single?"

Once you know they're single, it’s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, we experts recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular breakups do not and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won’t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage breakup, that could also be a red flag. Someone who is fresh out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do not want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a breakup but because it’s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?

RELATED: If You Don't Do These 6 Things On A First Date, Don't Expect Another

3. "Are you employed?"

One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is "What do you do?" And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question is: "Are you currently working?"

The reason you want to know the answer to this question is because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.

Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can’t carry his or her weight, financially.

The emotional security is a tougher one.

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People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position, emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work available out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs.

All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem, which don't lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And don't think that you can fix them because you can’t.

4. "Do you get along with your family?"

Family is a fundamental relationship in someone’s life and how they interact with that family is important to know.

If your date talks about the close relationship he has with his siblings and that his mother drives him nuts but that he talks to her every Sunday, then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

But if your date talks about the family that lives across the country who he hasn’t seen in years, then it is possible that deep emotional connection might be more difficult for him.

Why? Because the basic human connection that we make as children influences who we are as grown-ups. And someone who has a rough relationship with his family could be tough to truly connect with.

So ask the question and listen carefully to the answer.

5. "Do you have kids?"

This one is so important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, the priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that’s okay with you. Maybe you have kids too and understand the priorities. Or maybe you are willing to make his kids your priority as well.

But, maybe it’s not. Maybe you want to always be first or maybe you just aren’t ready to have kids. And that’s okay.

So ask the question because kids will always come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

Why You Need to Ask These First Date Questions

Dating is time-consuming and emotionally fraught and really you don’t want to waste even one minute on someone who raises any red flags at all. Red flags should be noted and acted on.

So ask the questions. Get your answers early. Get your answers so you can decide to fish or cut bait right away.

Because there are other fish in the sea.

RELATED: The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Going On A First Date

Looking for more questions to ask on a first date? Contact Mitzi Bockmann here and she can help.