8 Ways To Tell If A Man Is Intellectually Compatible With You

Because intelligence is attractive.

couple smiling at each other NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock

There's a lot of talk about opposites attracting, but study after study has shown that the key to a long-lasting relationship lies in similarity and shared goals. Intellectual compatibility sits right in the heart of this space, constantly ignored by heavily beating hearts and hot and bothered loins.

Are you wondering "Are we compatible?" Instead of wracking your brain over whether or not you are intellectually compatible and have what it takes to move into a long-term future, there are a few ways to tell if your relationship can go the distance.


Here are 8 ways to tell if a man is intellectually compatible with you.

1. You have the same intellectual values.

While your partner is zoning out in front of the TV while you read Dickens may not be a sign that there's no future, only one partner going on an insatiable quest for knowledge is a sure sign you're not on the same page.

Think about it: if you or your partner want to spend their weekends at the museum while the other would much rather catch a movie, someone is going to be bored over time. And once you let boredom infiltrate your relationship, it's not a good sign.



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2. You learn from each other.

Take a look at any happy person and there's a very good chance they are in a constant state of progression. It's very rare that someone is happy sitting stagnant in purgatory while the world moves forward.

It's for this reason that it's no surprise that studies have shown that couples who grow as a result of knowing their partner (which is called self-expansion) find themselves happier than those who don't.

3. You not only sleep together but dream together.

Do the two of you sit and talk about your goals, dreams, and vision for the future? In sharing these things, you can gain a real understanding of who your partner is, how much they value expansion and exploration, and what matters most to them in terms of overall life satisfaction.

A person who talks about travel and discovering new foods is going to feel tied down with a homebody who always orders a different version of the same meal every time they go out. Couples who are intellectually compatible share some kind of similar version of how they see their future together playing out.


4. You have similar educational backgrounds.

Smart is sexy, at least for women. According to one study in Hong Kong, women were 40% less likely to be fulfilled (in marriage and sexually) if they were more educated than their husbands.

And while neither you nor your partner need to be Einsteins to remain compatible, having similar educational backgrounds means you're better able to agree on things like your respective careers, money, and expanding your worldviews.

how to tell if a man is intellectually compatible with youPhoto: Blue Bird / Pexels


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5. You both share (or have no interest) in current events.

There are some people who love to talk about the latest movie, tech trend, study, or political debate, and others who would rather Netflix and chill, not wanting to fuel anxiety about what's going on in the world.

But if your idea of foreplay is arguing about why certain politicians are or are not the best person for the job, you're going to find an apathetic partner a huge turn-off.

6. You can have real conversations.

I once met the most amazing man: Gorgeous, funny, witty, brilliant, and very much sharing the same values.

Unfortunately, we got into a habit of tossing witty one-liners to one another in a game of never-ending verbal ping-pong, and he confessed that he felt I was using it as a way to keep him from getting to know me. I lost the guy but gained a very valuable lesson: Small talk doesn't lead to big leaps in relationships.


To know if you're intellectually compatible with someone, pay attention to the types of conversations you have. Do you only chat about the weather and your favorite movies, or do you bring up topics that challenge you each to think?

7. You have a similar sense of humor.

Loving "Zoolander" and Jim Carrey films doesn't say anything about whether or not you are intellectually compatible. But as laughter is the closest distance between two people, having completely opposite reasons to chuckle is going to get old.

Jokes flying overhead, being taken the wrong way, or falling flat is no fun. When you and your partner have a similar sense of humor and can share in the laughter you bring one another, it's a good indicator that you're compatible.




8. You feel like they just 'get' you.

This is very different from feeling attracted to someone; this is feeling understood. And that, my friend, is one of the defining factors of a great relationship.

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Brenda Della Casa is a writer, journalist, speaker, strategist, author of "Cinderella Was a Liar," and founder of LoolaBee. Her bylines have appeared on Medium, PopSugar, Huffington Post, Glamour, Thrillist, Thought Catalog, Allure, Inc., among many others, where she covers lifestyle, relationships, and human interest topics.