3 Ways To Charm The Pants Off A Potential Mate

Want to charm someone special? It's not magic, it's a skill.

By Lavinia Plonka Rebecca Chaplin — Written on Nov 12, 2014

It happened again. You went out with some friends, and everyone hooked up with someone but you ended up alone, nursing your drink, making unnecessary trips to the bathroom to stare at yourself in the mirror and go, "Why? Why didn’t we connect?"

Sometimes it’s timing, sometimes it’s chemistry. But often it’s because your unconscious body language sent the wrong, even the opposite signal to the person you want to attract. There are tons of body language books out there telling people how to hold their arms, or not to cross their legs. But if you don’t connect the dots in your own mind/body/emotions, you will always send a mixed signal.

Sure, there are lots of times when people just "click" and the magic happens. But sometimes we have to check in and make sure that all of our parts are aligned to our goal. If your mind is saying, "Oh my god, I’m going to blow this!" or you’re feeling terror as you speak, then all the desire in the world won’t win anyone over.

Here are three ways you can bring your desires in line with your actions:

1. Match their moves. He picks up his glass, you pick up yours. She laughs, you laugh with her. He leans back, go ahead and lean back as well. When we mirror a person we are attracted to, they feel you are resonating with them. You don’t even have to agree with what they’re saying!

2. Use your head. Tilting your head a little to the side with a little smile, as if your whole face is widening is a way of inviting tender attention. It’s in our DNA—think of the way a mother looks tenderly at her baby, or the way your dog tilts his head to look at you. It makes a person feel cared for and at the same time, inspires you to be really interested in what someone is saying.

If on the other hand, you tilt your head a little backward, exposing your throat, while maintaining eye contact, you are evoking a physical pattern of sensuality. Try these on your own in front of a mirror, hang out with the feeling and you’ll see it changes how you feel.

3. Breathe! Did you know that we unconsciously match the breath of those around us? It’s called entrainment. If you’re nervous and are holding your breath, or breathing shallowly, your breathing pattern will not only tell someone that you are not feeling at ease but you’ll make them anxious as well!

Practice paying attention to your breathing. Breathing in and out through your nose, pausing a bit between exhale and inhale will bring down your blood pressure. Breathing evenly through your slightly parted lips sends an "I’m so ready to be with you signal." Practice these two ways of breathing before you go out and see which one you might choose at different times in the conversation.