Photo: Ave Calvar | Unsplash
We believe we are kind, but are we?
By Julie Ferman
Last updated on Dec 24, 2023
How we do one thing is how we do most things.
And this one thing I'm about to tell you about what you can do all day long, every day of your life, starting today, and by the end of this year, your life (and your dating life) will look entirely different.
Here's the secret weapon guaranteed to get you a second date every time.
This, my fellow humans, is a conversation about kindness.
Single people out there in the dating world are looking for love and hoping for a beautiful relationship to magically occur and sweep them off into all of the romantic sunsets of the future.
Yet, here's what's bizarre — most people think they're nice, kind, and overall good people. We all think we have a good sense of humor, are good drivers, and look younger than we are. But, you know what? We see plenty of lousy driving, ill-humored, meanspirited behavior, and folks who look their age.
My point?
When viewing ourselves honestly, we're all a wee bit delusional.
It's a protective device.
Perhaps you think you're showing kindness in your single dating life. Am I right? Yet, you're still single. Maybe you need to dial the kindness up a notch. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so start now and practice kindness at a new level.
The side benefit of practicing kindness is you feel much better about yourself and radiate just a bit more confidence, which is the number one quality both men and women find attractive. So, do this for others and yourself!
Here's how to practice kindness every day and see what happens to your dating life:
1. Always return emails, texts, and phone calls, even if the message you deliver is "No, thanks."
Find kind, compassionate ways of saying, "I'm sorry, I don't think we're a fit for each other, but I wish you well on your journey."
2. Give the gift of your presence.
When on a date or on the phone, in business, or personal life, be fully there. It's an act of generosity to give your undivided attention to people. Practice being here now, which means putting your phone away or turning it off to be with the person you're with.
3. Express sincere appreciation
Appreciate and demonstrate the importance of the time and energy this person has invested in you.
Whether it be a simple email, a call or text, a first date, or a series of dates, this person has given you the gift of time and attention. Say "thank you" and mean it.
4. Practice generosity.
Be willing, in fact eager, to invest your time, energy, and resources in the dating process. Dating need not be expensive. Practice creative dating by thinking outside the restaurant box, and don't be attached to who pays for what. Give. Just give without attachment or expectation.
5. Stop the road rage.
Who you are behind the wheel says it all. The guy who just cut you off on the freeway? The lady who just pulled into the parking spot you were waiting for? On their dating profiles, they say they're "nice" people. Their behavior demonstrates otherwise. Don't be that person!
Practice kindness in your daily affairs, every day of your life. Each email you send, each phone call you take or initiate, each human being you encounter on the sidewalks of your day's journey—these are your opportunities to practice being the kind, compassionate person to attract the best people in your life.
Don't do this to get something. Do it just to be something, be someone a little better than you were the day before.
Wherever you are on the kindness spectrum, turn it up a notch and watch the positive impact on your love life and the experience of being human.
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Julie Ferman is a personal matchmaker, consultant, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, producer of dating industry conferences and events, and a blogger. She's been a guest on countless television shows including Good Morning America, The Today Show, Dr. Phil, and Fox News.