The Super Kinky Sex Act Your Man Might Be Scared To Tell You He's Into

It way more common than you think.

What Is Cuckolding? What It Means To Be A Cuckold Wife Or Husband Devin Edwards on Unsplash

You've probably heard the term "cuckolding" and may know it's something "kinky" ... but what does it really mean in modern usage?

And if you've wondered whether being a cuckold husband or wife may be the right choice for you, you should both have a solid understanding of what cuckolding is before introducing the practice into your marriage or relationship.

Cuckolding is just one of many kinks that are far more common than most people think, and yet, which the majority of the population doesn't fully understand.


So, I'm here to answer your questions about this ancient sexual practice.

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Here are my answers to the most common questions I'm asked about cuckolding and cuckold marriages.

What is cuckolding?

I describe cuckolding as a marriage where the husband derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife have sex with a man who has a larger penis.


The couple forms an agreement in their marriage allowing the act of cuckold, which can vary in degree from role play for some couples to a lifestyle of actual cuckolding, in which the wife engages in sex with other men in front of her husband.

Properly speaking, this knowledge and tolerance of the wife's activities with other men makes the husband in such relationships a wittol, a term created to describe "a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity."

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Where does the term "cuckold" come from?

The word's origin is derived from cucuault, Old French for the cuckoo bird, "So called from the female bird's alleged habit of changing mates, or her authentic habit of leaving eggs in another bird's nest."


As far as the word's history within literature, "English usage first appears about 1250 in the medieval debate poem 'The Owl and the Nightingale'. It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in John Lydgate's 'Fall of Princes', c. 1440. Shakespeare's writing often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one.

"The word often implies that the husband is deceived; that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds).

"The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the cuck."

Additionally, "In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as 'wearing the horns of a cuckold' or just 'wearing the horns'. This is an allusion to the mating habits of stags, who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male"


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What happens in a cuckold relationship?

In modern cuckolding, the husband typically watches his wife engage in sexual activity with other men right in front of him, or she tells him about her experiences after.

The husband feeling like a victim is a major element of this kink.

In fetish cuckolding subculture, the woman is typically sexually dominant while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when the wife permits him to. Sometimes, he remains completely celibate in the marriage.

A main ingredient in many cuckolding marriages is humiliation and orgasm denial, with the wife denying the husband sexual release until she decides to allow him to climax. In some marriages, the husband may even wear a male chastity belt, further allowing his wife control over his orgasms.


This type of sex play may also include the comparison of penis size, with the wife shaming her husband for not having a large enough penis to give her full enjoyment from sexual penetration.

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Is cuckolding the same as swinging or having an open marriage?

People often confuse cuckolding with swinging or polyamory, but a cuckold marriage is different in that the husband is loved by and sexually active with his wife only.

And while he wants her to experience sexual pleasure with another man (or men), but he does not want her to fall in love with them.

Is "shame" the only way the wife makes the man submissive to her?

Sometimes submission elevates through the wife using domination or bondage paraphernalia to tie her spouse up and spank, paddle, or flog him as a way of "punishment" or shaming for not fulfilling her sexual desires.


This can occur just as sexual role play in the couple's life, or it can become a general way of life for them, depending on the degree of cuckolding in their marriage.

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Is the desire for cuckolding common — and is it normal?

Cuckolding has been around for centuries and retains its popularity today.


In fact, research conducted by neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in 2011, found that “cuckold” is second only to “youth” when ranking most searched terms on heterosexual porn sites. That said, it's important to note that what you typically see depicted in pornography does not explain the psychological aspect of cuckolding.

In other words, a man who wants to feel submissive to his wife and have her shame him, but who lives in fear of anyone knowing, may not be as uncommon as we think.

One of the main questions I get asked by men is, "How do I tell my wife I want this? And if she does agree, where do I find a person to start the cuckolding with?"

As with any new adventure that a married couple takes with sex play, this should all begin slowly and with respect for each other.


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Dawn Michael is a relationship expert, AASECT certified sexuality counselor, certified clinical sexologist, sex educator, sex researcher, author, and public speaker. For more information, visit her website.