I Have Sex With Men And My Husband Watches (And It's Made Our Marriage Stronger)

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what is cuckolding

I give myself a once over in the bathroom mirror. I remove the smudges of red lipstick from my mouth, straighten my hair and pat down my corset. I glance at myself from the back. I smile.

I'm ready to enter the hotel room that we've rented. On the other side of the door, I know that my bull is awaiting me patiently on the bed. And my boyfriend is just as desperately waiting on the couch.

enter the room and the fun begins. My bull and I take part in passionate, fervent sex. He's a beautiful man with a chiseled body and happens to be well-endowed. His sexual prowess is mind-blowing.

We roll around in ecstasy. Every once in awhile, I turn my head and look over at my boyfriend. I give him a sly smile because I see how turned on he is. I mutter something about how he could never please me like this man can and I turn my attention back to he who is giving me explosive sex.

When the fun is over, we say our goodbyes and my partner and I go home. As soon as we walk in the door, he makes his way quickly to the bedroom. I know what he's going to go do. It's now his turn to pleasure himself.


As a young girl, I was told that I would grow up, meet someone, start dating, and if all went well, we'd become exclusive and monogamous. Two peas in a pod. Partners in crime. Because that's what an adult relationship is, right? Wrong.

I'm 27 years old, in a relationship, and I have sex with other men. No, I'm not having dirty, secret sordid affairs. My partner is fully aware that I engage in sexual activities with other people. 

Not only does he know I'm with other men; most of the time, he's present. No, we're not swingers or into group sex or polyamorous. He watches me have sex with other people just because he enjoys it. He's a cuckold, I'm a cuckoldress, and what we do is cuckolding.

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But what is cuckolding exactly? The traditional term "cuckolding" meant a man who was aware of his adulterous wife. But recently, it's considered more as a fetish, where a man is not only aware of her adulterous ways, but actually gets off on the idea. Or, in my situation, likes to witness it live.

Although we are not married, we are in a committed dominant/submissive relationship where my partner enjoys erotic humiliation. That is where the psychology of cuckolding seems to come from: being humiliated.

Cuckolding can remain just a fantasy between two partners. A man may have a fantasy where the thought of his partner having sex — or even watching her have sex — with another man turns him on. Alternatively, the woman may be the one with the fetish. Though the main proponent of the fantasy is almost always the cuckold himself.

It can be enough to just fantasize about all the different scenarios that could potentially happen. But what if one or both partners want to step out of the fantasy world and into reality?

It was a sweltering summer day when my partner came to me and brought it up. He knew I had previously taken part in cuckolding. I have always been open and honest about my past sexual proclivities, both personal and professional. 

He told me he had been finding himself spending a good amount of his time fantasizing about me with other men. In fact, he said it was all he could think about.

We talked about it off and on for a few weeks. When we both decided to proceed, we had a very in-depth, open and honest conversation. We agreed to what was acceptable and what was not, for both of us. (These are what is called "negotiations." It can be vastly different, depending on the couple.)

The next step was finding just the right man to be the bull. Now, let me take a minute to tell you exactly what a bull is. Quite simply, a bull is an alpha male who is superior to the woman's current partner, especially in the size and expertise. Whether this superiority is real or perceived is not relevant.

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I knew exactly who I wanted the bull to be for our first session. He was a good friend of mine that I had known for years and who I found very attractive. We always had a flirtatious relationship. I approached him with some trepidation but he laughed off my nervousness and eagerly agreed.

The day came and my boyfriend was nervous because we were obviously entering brand new territory. He had, what I would consider, normal anxieties surrounding the pending encounter. However, I was excited and turned on.

Everything went off without a hitch. I was content. The bull was pleased. And my cuckold was going nuts.

The benefits of my cuckolding relationship have exceeded my wildest imaginations. My partner is more fulfilled because he had one of his fantasies come true and he's a happier person day-to-day. As for me, I'm more fulfilled because I get to have meaningless, passionate sex with handsome men — men who sometimes are nicer to look at than to talk to.

But the biggest benefit to our relationship has been that my partner gets first-hand perspective on what I like and what really gets me going by watching me with other men.

He's begun doing things in the bedroom he has seen other men do to me, which makes our sex life that much more complete. 

But turning cuckolding from fantasy into reality can be dangerous territory. In fantasyland, you're protected by the limits of your mind. You don't have to worry that your partner will think you're perverted or depraved, and it can be difficult to share your mind's secrets with your partner.

But if you and your significant other do decide to take cuckolding into the real world, there are some things you need to keep in mind:

1. Make sure that this is something that both of you want, or at least want to try out.

Forced cuckolding is not beneficial to anybody involved. 

2. Make sure you have clear boundaries set in place before the action happens.

Be sure not to dance around those lines and make sure the man (or woman) you decide to pick as your bull is aware of what lines are not to be traversed.

3. Most importantly, make sure to talk to your partner about how they're feeling.

Confirming to your partner that they are still the one you love and want to be with will help dispel any insecurities that may have taken over.

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K.J. Kingsley is a writer by day, professional dominatrix by night. Sometimes, it's the other way around. She hopes to educate, enlighten, engage, and entertain people about the worlds of sex work and BDSM/kink/fetish. Check out her sex worker rights, advocacy, and advice website, or find her on Twitter @katekwrites.