What To Do If You Feel Horribly Alone In Your Relationship

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Are you feeling alone in your relationship?
Love, Heartbreak

What can you do about it?

Loneliness has become an increasing problem in our relationships today. In fact, if you are living in a marriage without receiving love or being able to express heartfelt thoughts and feelings, you struggle to have a meaningful relationship.

Heartache and loneliness results from disappointment of not having your dreams fulfilled by the most important people in your life.

Everyone yearns and desires in a relationship: to be loved, accepted, respected, and appreciated by another person. However, when you don’t receive those desires, your dreams can be crushed.

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It would be natural to dream of having these basic human desires met by your mate, but disappointing to have those dreams crushed because your mate is incapable of fulfilling them. But why are you feeling alone in your relationship? These pieces of relationship advice can help you find the answer.

1. You aren't being true to yourself.

When you live with a mate who is either unavailable to meet your emotional needs or unable to communicate positive, tender emotions, you are living with common and subtle forms of disrespect that have often been misunderstood and are devastating problems that can be hard to identify. Most of the time, the unemotional mate is unaware of his or her lack of emotions, which leaves the other mate struggling to get emotional needs met.

When you live without the opportunity to communicate what is in your heart and mind, you will not feel loved, respected, and accepted. If you feel trapped or unable to change your situation, you can eventually believe your only choices are to resign yourself to live in a loveless, unsatisfying relationship or decide to become one more divorce statistic.

You are not true to yourself if you believe you must exist in a relationship without love or emotions. When you only exist in a relationship, you become physically, spiritually, and emotionally unfaithful to yourself, the relationship, and to God.

You are not true to what you want and need, not true to what God wants or needs from you, not true to what your mate wants or needs from you, and not living up to what your children deserve from you. You may believe you are having a loving and satisfying relationship, despite the loneliness you feel.

Unfortunately, you probably are not fully aware of what the truth is for your life. Like so many others, you may not know what a meaningful, loving, satisfying, and close relationship looks or feels like. As a result, you settle for living with less of a relationship than what you really deserve.

2. You aren't expressing your emotions.

Without expressing emotions, you will not have the ability to establish or maintain a meaningful relationship with love and respect. “What is a meaningful relationship?” you may ask.

It’s when you can express what is inside your heart or mind and just be yourself without being afraid of rejection. It’s when you can freely share thoughts, dreams, sorrows, and tears, believing they are accepted and respected without question. It’s when you feel safe, secure, and loved inside your heart, like being wrapped in a warm, cozy blanket on a cold winter’s night.

Those feelings shared from one heart to another are the very interactions that generates a sense of personal acceptance, worth, and importance that goes beyond ordinary lip service. When your thoughts and feelings are not allowed or accepted, you do not feel loved or respected as a person and you begin to question your own self-worth.

How worthy you feel about yourself is often related to how your feelings are received from the important people in your life. The relationship can blossom or be shattered by your partner’s response to the emotions you express.

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You may desire love, acceptance, and meaningful conversation. The feelings generated by the burdens and treasured moments in your life are meant to be shared, not hidden away where they lose their meaning.

Having a tender moment happen in your life is only half the significance. Sharing the tender moment is the other half. Sharing life’s difficulties with someone is how burdens become lighter and healing takes place.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Sharing what is in your heart lifts the heaviness and brings encouragement to the soul to carry you through to fight the next battle.

3. The lack of emotion leads to lack of affection.

Signs of affection such as tender hugs, kisses, and touches are all outward expressions of inward emotions. Unfortunately, a life without emotion creates relationships without affection. The unemotional mate lacks the ability to give affection because they do not have the emotion to give, and there is not an understanding why affection is important to make a person feel loved.

The lack of affection from an unemotional mate inevitably creates distance within the relationship, eroding the emotional union and destroying any potential for emotional growth as a couple. Additionally, lack of affection has long-lasting, devastating effects on the emotional well-being of current family members and those in future generations.

Being in a relationship without emotion and affection is a lonely and agonizing way to live. Meaningful relationships are based on foundational needs such as being loved, accepted, respected, and appreciated. How you express those needs to one another will greatly influence the success or destruction of the relationship.

The question is not how you change your mate, but why you are allowing yourself to be so lonely.

Learn about your own value and stand up for what you need in a radical way. People that exist in a lonely relationship typically were raised in lonely or unaffectionate home with caregivers that did not know how to love.

As a consequence, you are conditioned to living with the same thing. Your job now is to work on your own issues to stand up to what you are still being handed. Seek professional counseling with a counselor that has experience with identifying issues regarding lack of love from childhood and how to literally transform your heart from lack to love.

RELATED: There Are Only 2 Ways To Deal With Loneliness In Marriages & Relationships

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Craig Miller is a Christian therapist who has been speaking and counseling with individuals, families, and couples in medical, mental health, and church settings for almost 40 years.