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Her body, her choice.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Dec 29, 2022
A Reddit user posted on the subreddit r/AmITheA–hole, wondering if she was wrong for calling out her best friend’s mom for having had her daughter at age 45.
The 24-year-old woman posted her story to the popular Reddit forum for people to find out if they were wrong in an argument.
She and Alison have been best friends for the past 12 years. She noted that Alison’s mom Christina had Alison when she was 45 years old, making her best friend’s mother 69 years old.
The woman added context to her story by stating very clearly that there’s nothing wrong with someone having a child in their 40s.
She only criticized the woman for being an older mom after her cruel comments.
She clarified that her post wasn’t about bashing older moms but expressing her frustration over how Christina treated Alison.
In her post, she wrote that she’s married, financially stable, and decided to have a baby.
When she got pregnant, Alison was “overjoyed,” for her, despite being clear that “right now she’s enjoying being young and doesn’t want to settle down.”
Alison doesn’t want to have children until her mid-30s, an “absolutely fine” decision that she views with “no judgment.”
At the woman’s baby shower, Christina only talked about herself, complaining that “she is going to be extremely old by the time her daughter has children and she won’t be able to enjoy them.”
Christina kept “ranting to anyone who would listen that she wanted Alison to “get pregnant and settle down” soon because “it’s not fair to her that she won’t be able to be a grandma.”
“My friend looked really sad. I could tell she was upset,” posted the woman.
In addition, the other guests “just looked uncomfortable as she was going on.”
The woman waited until the party ended to ask Alison how she was feeling.
Alison said that “her mom has been really hard on her about settling down because of her age.” Despite her mother’s insistence, Alison doesn’t feel ready to be pregnant and have a baby, and hoped her mother would understand.
Nine months later, the woman had her baby and introduced her little one to Alison and Christina.
Instead of being happy for the woman, Christina complained again about her own lack of grandchildren.
The woman then confronted Christina about her complaints.
She told her best friend’s mom, “you made the choice to have a baby at 45. You had to know there was a chance you might be pretty old by the time you became a grandparent.”
She continued on, standing up for her friend by saying that “it’s not fair to try and push Alison into a life she isn’t ready for because you want to be a grandparent.”
Christina was so offended that she got up and left.
But the woman noted that Alison thanked her later for defending her.
She asked the internet if she was an a–hole for confronting her best friend’s mom about her age when she had a baby.
Users on Reddit agreed that she wasn’t the a–hole, noting the hypocrisy of Christina’s complaints.
“She made a decision for herself and she is now wanting to deny her daughter that same choice, to delay motherhood until she's ready for it,” commented one user.
“How come the mum gets to choose to have a baby later in life but the daughter isn't allowed that option as well?” asked another.
“You didn't bash a woman for her choices. You were standing up for your friend's right to make HER own choices,” said someone else.
“Every woman is the ultimate decision-maker as to whether she has children and when,” one commenter affirmed.
“There is nothing wrong with standing up for another person's bodily autonomy,” said yet another.
While users agreed that the woman wasn’t the a–hole, some did try to contextualize Christina’s experience.
“These events have probably caused a lot of feelings to come up for the mom - feelings she may have been pushing aside for a long time, and may have been unprepared for the intensity of them,” said one user, who explained that she had her own children at an older age.
Another older mother posted matter-of-factly that “biology is a thing, and time flows unidirectionally.”
Some were sympathetic toward Christina, noting that being an older mother might not have been a “choice” so much as an outcome of her life’s circumstances, whether due to fertility struggles or another reason.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.