Photo: Pexels / Tristian Le
It was a reasonable thing to do.
By Taylor Haynes — Written on Dec 25, 2022
One woman went to Reddit to ask for opinions from internet users about a predicament in her life.
The mom of three adult children, who have kids of their own, found herself in a battle with her kids over one of the most divisive things in life — money.
Her son wants her to pay for his stepson's college but she doesn't agree.
Their differences in opinions created quite the divide in the family, leaving her unsure how to proceed.
She turned to the subreddit “r/AmItheA-–hole” (AITA), a place where folks can go to vent about the frustrations in their lives.
Users created a rating system to determine if they are indeed the “a–-hole,” commenting “NTA” which means "Not The A–-hole" and “YTA” which means "You're The A--hole."
The mom explains that she's been planning for her grandkids' futures for years.
Her eldest daughter had married a widower with children of his own, so they put money away for an education fund, and did the same for each biological grandchild.
“We know a little bit about investing and compound interest,” she wrote.
“By starting early we can invest a little bit each month and by the time they graduate high school we are able to provide each one with enough money for a good start in life.”
Then she went on to explain that her oldest grandchild had just graduated from high school, and she would be able to graduate from college debt free after scholarships were considered.
They learned the hard way that their savings won't always be used as they intended.
“We don't give any of them the money. We pay for tuition and fees and such. We learned our lesson from our youngest, our only son,” she wrote.
When they gave their son his college fund, as they had done with his sisters, he blew through the money and ended up becoming a tradesperson instead.
Her son had done well for himself and even owned his own business.
Now, all grown up, that son wants money yet again.
“Last year he married a very nice woman who has a 15-year-old son. She had him very young and it caused a rift in her family. None of them came to the wedding,” she wrote.
“My son approached us about money for his stepson's education. After my husband and I discussed it we said that we could afford to give him $5,000 to help out but that was it.”
She explains how her son was disappointed with the amount she offered, knowing how much all of her other grandkids had saved up for them.
“He makes good money but he also likes to spend it on toys and vacations," she explained. "I don't think that him or my daughter-in-law have anything put away for his stepson. That is why we offered the $5,000.”
The son and his wife were planning ahead for their child’s graduation, but they were “still complaining” that the stepson was being treated differently than the other grandsons.
"I know that we are. But we didn't have almost two decades to save for him," she continued. "That $5,000 came out of my fund for when I need to replace my car."
She clarified in an edited post that her son and daughter-in-law were not spending money on toys and vacations.
“The reason that my son doesn't have a lot of savings to pay for his son's education is because of how he chose to spend his money prior to getting married. I hope that is clear now,” she wrote.
Users gave her a clear answer of whether or not she was in the wrong.
“NTA. 'Hey mom, here’s a new 15-year-old grandson for you to give me money.' Yeah, doesn’t work that way,” one user wrote.
“You offered what you could put together on short notice, which is what this was. If your son wants to complain about it, he’s TA.”
Another agreed, “no one is entitled to anything and it's your choice, besides if he doesn't want to save up to give his stepson money, why should you?”
Taylor Haynes is a writer based in Chicago. She covers entertainment, news and human interest stories at YourTango. You can find her on Instagram here.