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Man Seeks Advice Because His Wife Wants To Go Back To Work But He Thinks She 'Belongs At Home With The Baby'

Photo: Luna Vandoorne / Shutterstock
couple, baby

Marriage is all about compromise and coming to a reasonable agreement with your spouse on what is best for you and your family. 

One man revealed that he is at odds with his wife over her decision to return to work after giving birth to their daughter. 

The man believes that his wife staying at home with their baby would be more appropriate financially for them since he is making a higher salary. 

However, his wife insists on working since she has the credentials to get the job she has always wanted and does not want to be a stay-at-home mom. 

The man sought advice after his wife refused his request to stay at home with their baby while he worked. 

The man shared his story to the subreddit, r/Parenting asking for the advice of other users regarding his situation. 

The man began his post by revealing that he and his wife were recently married and have a four-month-old daughter. Although, having a baby was never part of their plan. 

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“Our daughter wasn’t planned, in fact, my wife had said that she didn’t want to have a child until she was at least in her 30s,” the man wrote. “But things didn’t work out that way and we found out that we were expecting when my wife was very late in her pregnancy — meaning that she didn’t really get a choice, it legally had to happen.” 

The man and his wife ultimately decided to get married while she was pregnant, a decision that the man claims his wife “took hard.” 

Initially, the man and his wife agreed that he would be the stay-at-home parent to their daughter since his wife wanted to work. 

She has been working toward being a teacher for years.

“She’s been to university, got a bachelor's degree, a Master's degree, and a PGCE/Qualified Teaching Status,” the man wrote. “However, she found out that she was pregnant before she was due to start work and could no longer accept the position.” 

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The man argued that he earns a higher salary than what his wife would be making. 

The man adds that he has been working since he was 15 and earns a high wage and is due for a raise next year. 

“To compare, my wife would be earning around £22,000 — £24,000 whereas I’m currently earning £37,500 before my wage rise in the new year. All of this before tax,” the man includes. 

Now, the man is regretting his initial decision to stay at home with the baby since he would be earning a higher salary than his wife if they swap roles. 

“To me, it seems ridiculous for me to give up my job right now,” he wrote. “This isn’t the case of I think she belongs at home rearing children and baking pies, but more so what’s financially better for our family.” 

The man added that they would not be able to afford childcare if he and his wife both worked and paying bills would be a significant struggle. 

“In either scenario, it wouldn’t be a case of just tightening our belts, it would be a struggle. We have a mortgage, two cars, and some debt from covid years,” he wrote. 

The man shared that neither of their families would be able to offer childcare since his parents live far away and his wife’s parents still work full-time. 

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The man's wife refuses to let all of her hard work and education go to waste by becoming a stay-at-home mom. 

Recently, the man’s wife has reached a breaking point of being housebound with their baby.

“She point blank is refusing to stay home with the baby any longer and is applying for jobs,” he revealed.

“She’s using the defense that her entire life will have been a waste if she has to stay at home…she thinks that she isn’t going to be able to get into teaching if she doesn’t do it now, right this second because there will be a gap between her graduation and looking for employment.”

He argues that his wife is refusing to “look at the bigger picture.” 

“I do understand why she’s so upset. I do understand why she wants to work, and I understand her frustration,” the man wrote. 

“I know this isn’t what she or we planned but it’s what’s best for our family right now. We all have to make sacrifices and I have and will in the future.” 

The man claims that if he however has to sacrifice his job, he and his wife will be looking at years of debt. 

“This is a constant back-and-forth argument and we’re not getting anywhere,” the man wrote. 

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Redditors encouraged the man to support his wife wanting to work, claiming that the benefits of it will outweigh the risks. 

“You're not just working for the money, you are also earning seniority, benefits, pension, experience, networks, and on and on,” one user shared. 

“If she doesn’t get her career started now, eventually it’ll be too late. Neither of you will be happy if she misses her chance at a dream career—she’ll become bitter, and rightfully so,” another user pointed out. 

“Send the baby to daycare even if it’s her whole salary. It’s worth it for your family’s happiness,” another user recommended. 

“Your wife was utterly unprepared for motherhood. Wasn't even on her radar. You need to find a way to compromise with her. She should not be the only person sacrificing everything she wants and needs to remain sane,” another user added. 

Other Redditors suggested the man’s wife begin working part-time and work her way into full-time as their daughter gets older. 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.