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Was he being a bit too harsh?
By Kurtis Condra — Written on Jul 10, 2022
A man is seeking advice on how to respond to his brother after he refused to comply with the dress code he has for his wedding.
He took to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) in order to get strangers' opinions on his decision-making.
This subreddit allows you to ask for advice on any kind of conflict you may be having — you tell your story, and the community will rank it based on what was presented.
They will either decide that "You're the a--hole" (YTA), you're "Not the a--hole" (NTA), or if "Everyone sucks here" (ESH).
The man asked if he was wrong for uninviting his brother from his wedding.
The groom tells his story, saying he and his soon-to-be wife will be getting married soon.
He gave an invitation to his brother Sam, who asked if he could bring his boyfriend, who the groom was very fond of, to the wedding and he said absolutely.
But a week later, Sam sent a picture of what he wanted to wear to a group chat.
"It was a rainbow tuxedo. Initially, I thought he was joking, so I said, 'lmao' he was very hurt and told me to go F myself," the brother said.
He and his wife believed what he was going to wear was too inappropriate.
They believed that his suit would take the attention away from him and his wife, so the brother decided to uninvite Sam and his boyfriend.
"He told me that the only reason that I didn’t want him there was that I was homophobic," he wrote, which the groom says he is not.
He tried to explain to Sam that the suit made him and his wife uncomfortable, but his brother kept saying he was being homophobic.
He reminded Sam that the dress code was black and white only.
The groom took the advice of some commenters and spoke to Sam's boyfriend, who told him some news that made the groom feel very bad for what he did.
"It turns out my brother has been in a really bad place recently and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. That is why he flipped at me and made a big deal out of this," he wrote in his update.
After finding out about this, the brother felt bad, and so did his soon-to-be wife for what they said, adding that he wishes he could take back what he said but can't.
He spoke to Sam's boyfriend, saying that he can wear whatever he wants to the wedding, but because of the recent news, Sam and his boyfriend will not be attending the wedding for fear that something could go awry.
Prior to all this, everyone agreed the original poster was NTA.
One user said that his brother was "pulling the gay card" to strongarm the groom into letting him wear the suit to the wedding.
The groom responded by saying his brother still could've come as long as he didn't wear the suit.
All sentiments were directed towards the groom, asking if he told his brother why this was inappropriate, which he did say he tried to explain but Sam refused to listen.
This was all before the groom updated the thread about his brother's bipolar disorder, and while he now feels bad for what he said, he is still in the right.
Some have commented saying that the man should not feel bad, and some believe that his comments have nothing to do with Sam being diagnosed.
Regardless, We hope that he and Sam can work through the news they received, and hopefully, Sam can be there to watch his brother get married.
Kurtis Condra is a writer for YourTango, based in San Francisco, California. His expertise includes pop-culture deep dives, human interest stories, and news. When not writing for YourTango, he focuses on his poetry. You can follow his poetic journey on Instagram.