60 Best Moira Rose Quotes From Schitt's Creek

Schitt’s Creek first premiered in January 2015 and ended in April 2020 following a Netflix resurgence.

The sitcom follows the Rose family who used to be wealthy but lost their money after their business manager backstabbed them, prompting a relocation to the quirky Schitt’s Creek — a town patriarch Johnny Rose initially bought as a joke for his son, David. 

Throughout the show's five-year run, Moira Rose, the matriarch of the Rose family played by Catherine O'Hara, uttered various relatable and funny sayings.

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Best Moira Rose Quotes

1. “Be careful, John, lest you suffer vertigo from the dizzying heights of your moral ground.” — Moira Rose

2. “Who knows what will befall us tomorrow, John? You could be hit by a Mack truck or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris.” — Moira Rose

3. “The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea week.” — Moira Rose

4. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” — Moira Rose

5. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now!” — Moira Rose

6. “This wine is awful. Give me another glass.” — Moira Rose

7. “You are blind to reality and for that, I am most proud.” — Moira Rose

8. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” — Moira Rose

9. “So what’s your deal? You’re pretty...what’s that like?” — Moira Rose

10. “The live crows on set welcomed me as one of their own. One even tried to mate.” — Moira Rose

11. “I may have been wrong. You may have been not wrong.” — Moira Rose

12. “With the vigor of a wartime radio operator.” — Moira Rose

13. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.” — Moira Rose

14. “As much I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline.” — Moira Rose

15. “Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose Benefit for Juvenile Rhinoplasty when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion? I had to be both puppet and puppeteer!” — Moira Rose

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16. “I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People Choice Awards.” — Moira Rose

17. “Your wayfaring thespian has returned.” — Moira Rose

18. “I’m positively bedeviled with meetings et cetera.” — Moira Rose

19. “Alexis, don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you.” — Moira Rose

20. “There once was a radiant young actress who dreamed of having two sons.” — Moira Rose

21. “If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is.” — Moira Rose

22. "I'm eating egg whites and hoping the building will collapse." — Moira Rose

23. “I would be pleased to RSVP as pending.” — Moira Rose

24. “Fear not, she hath risen!” — Moira Rose

25. “The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.” — Moira Rose

26. “Now is not the time for pettifogging.” — Moira Rose

27. “Who has time amidst all this chaos?” — Moira Rose

28. “Chin chin to you and your husband-to-be.” — Moira Rose

29. “Do you have some kind of childproof lock on this internet?” — Moira Rose

30. “You are bared, lethargic and practically dripping with ennui.” — Moira Rose

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31. "Good men always win." — Moira Rose

32. "Never let the bastards get you down!" — Moira Rose

33. "When one of us shines, all of us shine." — Moira Rose

34. "David, are you a dirty peeping Tom?" — Moira Rose

35. "I was worried sick, dear! 'Where's David? Or his bags?'" — Moira Rose

36. "You do realize I'm a professional vocalist?" — Moira Rose

37. "I can hardly hear you, John! The cheering and accolades are drowning out your gentle voice." — Moira Rose

38. "One must champion oneself and say, "I am ready for this!'" — Moira Rose

39. "It's probably nothing but I think I've killed a man." — Moira Rose

40. "Alexis something Rose." — Moira Rose

41. "What you did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic... but it was also wrong." — Moira Rose

42. "I'm afraid you and I have arrived at an awkward moment in our parent-child relationship... it seems that there are some nude photographs of me on the internet, and I would like you to search for them." — Moira Rose

43. "Did I used to have a drinking problem?" — Moira Rose

44. "What is the source of this falsehood? And what photo are they using?" — Moira Rose

45. "We have no interest in what's going on with you." — Moira Rose

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46. "Let's all go to bed and pray we don't wake up." — Moira Rose

47. "What does burning smell like?" — Moira Rose

48. "Let's go. I've had enough waking hours for one day." — Moira Rose

49. "I won't wear anything with an adhesive backing." — Moira Rose

50. "How mercurial is life...we all imagine being carried from the ashes by the goddess Artemis and here I get a balatron from Barnum & Bailey." — Moira Rose

51. "Why must you be so constantly irksome?" — Moira Rose

52. "This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage...I was half expecting early Unabomber." — Moira Rose

53. "If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her own mask on first." — Moira Rose

54. "Where is bébé's chamber?" — Moira Rose

55. "John, you know I would, but I've already taken my Christmas pills, and bitter experience has taught me I have just 8 minutes to make it safely up the stairs." — Moira Rose

56. "Social media is an amusement park for clinical narcissists." — Moira Rose

57. "Thank you officer for your almost militant commitment to the protection of our community. I promise to keep my husband habilimented from now on." — Moira Rose

58. "It sounds to me like you tow dodged a bacon-wrapped bullet. I'll say it again: life is but a strand of happy accidents." — Moira Rose

59. "Sadly, I won't be able to squire you for today's wedding venue peregrination." — Moira Rose

60. "Wait! My bébé's, my girls! Lorna: second from the left, if she takes on smoke she''ll never recover — and Cindy! I just gave her a blowout!" — Moira Rose

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Chinyere Ibeh (pronounced sha-near-ruh ee-bay) is a writer who covers entertainment and pop culture, quotes, and zodiac signs.