What To Do When Your Ex Moves On Before You

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sad woman looking at her phone
Heartbreak

After a sudden and brutal breakup, it’s really hard to get past the pain. Those feelings just don’t go away.

This is especially difficult when your ex moves on before you do, which makes it feel like they're not suffering at all or struggling to love again after your breakup.

RELATED: How To Stop Obsessive Thoughts About Your Ex So You Can Move On & Be Happy Again

Breakups can be mutual, messy, brutal, or simple, but no matter how things ended between you, the feelings are still there and they might stick around for a while — even when your ex meets someone new.

When your ex moves on before you, you have to turn the negative and sad thoughts you're processing into positive ones. Breakups can be torturous because of this painful transition, which isn’t uncommon, even if you weren't dating or in a relationship for a long time.

The first thing you must understand is that people deal with grief and loss in different ways, says Psychotherapist Julie Orlov. "Some people seem to rebound from relationships right away, while others might take months to recover from a broken heart."

Some people may need time to understand what went wrong in previous relationships. Others let go while they’re still at the end of the relationship so when they officially break up, they're ready to move on.

So when can you do when your ex moves on before you?

Your ex moving on before you likely has nothing to do with you and your past relationship, even if it feels that way. So how can you heal, move on, and find love again?

1. Learn what you need in order to let go of an ex who has moved on.

According to Psychologist Susanne Jorgensen, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself during this time. She says that the best way to tell if you're healing is "... when your thoughts, behaviors, and actions become more focused on you and less on him, and when you're living more in the present and less in the past."

You need to let yourself feel sad. Set a grieving period and honor your pain during that time, but know that your sadness must come to an end.

Watch all the sad movies and listen to all the sad songs you want. Maybe eat all the ice cream, too.

But when that period is over, it’s important to get yourself back up, boost your confidence, and get back out there.

Work on rebuilding your self-esteem, which breakups often damage because of the amount of hurt and questioning you put yourself through as well as dealing with the pain your ex gave you.

2. Don't follow your ex on social media accounts.

You probably saw a Facebook status update or spotted a new picture on Instagram of your ex with their new beau. It stings to see them so happy with someone else when you're still struggling with the pain of the breakup and perhaps even wondering if you should get back together with your ex.

The best thing to do is to go no-contact with your ex. Don't follow their accounts, and don't torture yourself with the images of them kissing and hugging someone else when you're feeling lonely.

RELATED: 20 Crucial Things You Must Do After A Breakup

3. Accept that it's normal to feel upset when your ex moves on before you do.

Breakup pain is one of the worst kinds of feelings because you tend to overthink things about your past relationship and what went wrong and what you might have done to change things.

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It’s normal to obsessively think thoughts about your ex when seeing them with someone else or when you know they moved on.

This was someone you thought you were going somewhere with and probably imagined a future with. You shared a lot of personal feelings and stories with them you might have not told anyone else before.

You're grieving a loss right now, and that's OK.

4. Don't think there's something wrong with you because you haven't moved on yet.

There’s often a lot of different reasons why your ex moves on before you. Men, in particular, are likely to get into rebound relationships faster.

Men are wired to grieve alone and sort of “walk it off,” and they don’t like feeling that way, so sometimes they seek out someone else to focus their attention on, so it might look like they're not grieving the loss of the relationship at all.

But if you're struggling to get past the breakup, you're feeling brokenhearted, and you need time to heal. You let yourself be vulnerable and fragile with this partner, and you got hurt after all that.

It sucks, to be frank, but please don’t beat yourself up over it. Be proud of yourself for recognizing what you need to move on and taking the time to be gentle with yourself.

What one person requires to move on isn't what someone else needs, so don’t let the amount of time it took for your ex to move on determine how fast you will as well. Healing takes time.

5. Don't think you'll never find love again.

You know in your heart that you'll love again and find someone new. It might take months or maybe even years, but don’t let your ex take up that much more of your valuable time.

You'll learn to be happy again. Be brave, know yourself, and love yourself, above all.

Like the wise RuPaul Charles always says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

When you’re ready to do so, get back out there. Dress up, flirt, date, and have so much fun! Embrace being single and having freedom, and when you find some potential in someone else, go for it!

There is someone out there for you. And by letting go of your ruminations and obsessive thoughts about your ex, you’ll be able to find a healthy new relationship. Hopefully, you’ll find someone even better because you know what you want and what you’re looking for.

RELATED: How To Get Over A Breakup Fast

Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers love and relationships, health and wellness, and pop culture news.