Struggling with a breakup or having a hard time dealing with the sadness and anger?
Whether he broke up with you or you're the one who ended the relationship, breaking up genuinely sucks. The end of a romantic relationship is a very real painful loss and it's going to take time for you to fully recover. That being said, there are ways you can get over a breakup more quickly — and surprisingly they all involve embracing the sadness and feeling the pain. Here are five sure-fire steps to get over a breakup as quickly as possible, so you can move on with your life and find someone even better:
Step #1. Let Yourself Be Sad
The first thing you need to do is let yourself feel sad. Don't try to skip over the painful part of the breakup by putting on a brave face that won't work, because that's how you get stuck in the grieving process for months, even years. You won't get over the breakup until you face those emotions, so do what you want. Close the blinds, call a girlfriend, watch sad movies, and cry your eyes out. Get a massage, eat comfort foods, and commit to feeling sad instead of trying to repress your emotions that's key.
Step #2. Set An End Date For The Sadness
Next, you need to set a clear end date for the sadness, like two weeks from now. And when that date comes, you need to open up the blinds, retire the sad movies, and get back to your normal routine. Of course, you may still feel sad from time to time that's totally normal, but you won't be walking around in your sweats eating ice cream out of the carton anymore. It's important to set a goal in mind, it gets you off the couch and back into the real world.
Step #3. Lean Into The Anger
Once the sadness starts to die down, your emotions will often naturally progress to anger. That's when it's time to lean into it and get moving! Look for opportunities to release your anger in a physical way, like at the batting cages, a boxing class, or the gym. This is also a great time to start journaling about all the ways the relationship wasn't working and how your ex wasn't showing up for you. It helps to look back and realize the breakup was a good thing.
Step #4. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
After a breakup, there's always a period of time when you don’t feel like your best self. Your self-esteem takes a huge hit whenever a relationship ends. So at this point it’s really important to surround yourself with people who think you’re utterly amazing. Whether those people are your girlfriends, coworkers, sister, or parents, spend time with people who knew you before your breakup, and know you after, they’re the ones who have always supported you no matter what.
Step #5. Get Control Over Your (Obsessive) Thoughts
After a breakup, your brain has a tendency to become your worst enemy. You may catch yourself obsessively thinking things like:
- I'll never be able to find someone better than him.
- I'm going to end up alone.
- No one is going to put up with my crap like he did.
- No one is ever going to love me again.
- He's probably already met someone better.
When the obsessive thoughts start taking over your usually rational mind, it's your job to control them. When you feel yourself going down the negativity rabbit hole, ask yourself, “What’s another way of looking at this? How likely is it really that I’m never going to meet anyone as good as him?” Ask yourself rational questions to interrupt the obsessive thoughts, and remember that this breakup happened for a reason, so that the right guy can find you.
If you're struggling with a breakup and you're having a hard time dealing with the sadness, anger and are worried you'll never meet Mr. Right remember to be gentle with yourself. It might be time to take my renowned "Happily Ever After Index" which is an assessment that will tell you what it will take to do just that. Come on over to the site, it could be just what you are looking for.
I want to hear from you! What's been your most painful breakup so far, and how did you get over it? Leave your answer in the comment section.
More breakup advice on Yourtango:
- Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me For Life
- How To (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup And Move On
- Breakups & Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips