How To Balance Masculine And Feminine Energy In A Relationship

Are you accidentally chasing your man off?

smiling man and woman in yoga pose fizkes / Shutterstock

While this might sound old-school, it actually has nothing to do with one's gender.

Both men and women possess a combination of masculine and feminine energy. The level of one and the other within an individual is unique to each person, and it has to do with what choice or tendency of the kind of energy one feels more natural expressing in a relationship.

Masculine core energy is action-oriented. It moves forward, it takes action, it controls. It is illustrated by tending toward being analytical, competitive, strong, powerful, a problem-solver, and needing admiration, independence, and respect.


Feminine energy is receptive, patient, and grounded in being — not doing. Female core energy is demonstrated by being nurturing, open, in touch with a wide spectrum of emotions and more emotionally-driven, while desiring reassurance, trust, and connection.

RELATED: 20 Signs Your Feminine Energy Is Blocked — And How To Fix It


The role of feminine and masculine energy in relationships

While men may have mostly masculine energy and women may have mostly feminine energy, this isn't always true at all times.

One partner in the relationship might almost mirror the other partner's respective levels of each energy. Or, perhaps the woman asks the man to be more intuitive and listen to her when she needs to vent every day about work, rather than constantly try to "problem-solve" because she doesn't find it helpful.

While it's true that it may not be helpful and sometimes it really is best to listen, if her boyfriend or husband stopped taking a problem-solving approach to most things on most days so that he could listen instead, this would raise his feminine energy and the collective feminine energy in the relationship.

Though this wasn't her intention when asking her guy to listen to her more, she now finds that she's inadvertently discouraged or suppressed the kind of masculine energy that attracted her to him. It may not be about the specific actions themselves that are behind it, but rather, an overall gravitational pull — a change in the balance of scales now tipping away from the masculine energy in the relationship.


This is why it's important to work toward creating harmony in balancing the feminine and masculine energy between you and your partner in your relationship. You will be happier together, more attracted to each other, and more compatible overall.

How to balance feminine and masculine energy in relationships

1. Embrace your core energy’s polarity.

Understanding the differences in these energies is important so you can benefit from their complementary nature and their magical polarity. This polarity of energy is the key to continued love, romance, and passion.

For a relationship to flow, there must be a giver and a receiver. A yin and yang. A king and queen. Therefore, when it comes to your relationship, who's doing all the work?



RELATED: The #1 Way Women Turn Men Off (Without Even Trying)


2. Define roles to help you meet each other's needs.

Is it your man that creates time to be together, plans special events, and gives you gifts, and shows affection? Or is it you doing and giving all the time? If it's you, then you're stealing his masculine role. As you take this role from him, he feels like something is off in the relationship.

This is the number one cause of why and how a man loses attraction to a woman, both physically and emotionally. Men want to give, they want to please you and make you happy, but they need you to step back and give them the space to do it.

If you're constantly moving toward a man, he has nowhere to go but backward (which is another way to say away from you). If you have been with your man for a long time or you are married, these principles remain the same. They just have a different context.

Do you plan all your time together, do you tell him how to solve his problems, how to drive, and what he should or should not be doing? Do you bend over backward to make his life easy and constantly micromanage him like a mother? Do you control everything?


Well if you do, he has no masculine role to play. He will not be moved to act like a man and he will resent you and the relationship and not even know why.

3. Focus on yourself.

So how do you stand still and create space for him to move toward you? You stop controlling the relationship and your man. You look at your own life and start to put energy into your own happiness. You read self-help books, you find a hobby, you exercise, and you get happy.

You don’t always initiate plans to spend time together. You don’t do things for him in the hopes he'll realize what a wonderful woman you are and will give you more time, affection, and love. You focus on yourself, and you bring peace and happiness back to him.

how to balance masculine and feminine energy in a relationship


RELATED: 11 Ways To Tap Into Your Feminine Energy Before A First Date

4. Lean into your feminine energy.

You energize him with your feminine zest. You decorate your house, buy new lingerie, bake a cake, or take a Zumba class. You learn about your emotional triggers and begin the process of healing your inner world and emotions.

You do all of this to have a better relationship. The sooner you realize that happiness does not come from what he does or does not do, it comes from you and your relationship to yourself, the sooner you will change — and he will, too.

When you become peaceful and happy, he senses it and unconsciously realizes you are a woman with value and standards. He unknowingly treats you better because on an unconscious level he knows he has to or someone else will.


So, heal yourself, laugh often, and learn to live in the flow of your feminine energy. The happier you are, the more comfortable he feels around you, and the more charmed he is by you. This is the motivation he needs to become a better man.

5. Let him move toward you.

Let him approach you to make love, let him take you to your favorite restaurant just because, let him turn away from the television to make small talk with you about your day.

If you stand still, in a state of loving energy and with an open heart, a man that truly loves you will move toward you.

This is nature and it does not change when we are born and grow into bodies. A feminine woman stands still (metaphorically speaking), and lets her man pursue her.


RELATED: How Your Masculine And Feminine Energies Can Work Against You To Find Love

Malena Violeta is a dating and relationship coach.