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Does he like you as more than just friends ... or are you being used?
By Ronnie Ann Ryan — Last updated on Sep 27, 2022
You're spending time with this amazing guy and you're thrilled he's interested in you. Sometimes you wish it was more than just friends (or even friends with benefits), but for now, you'll take his attention as it comes.
The deep conversations you have with him are awesome, and you love how he opens up and tells you things.
You treasure every moment you get with him, but once in a while, you get this nagging feeling that he's not as interested in you as you are in him.
The thought pops into your head that he may be using you, stringing you along for something easy and casual. You shake it off and try to focus on what you like about him. After all, he's a great guy and you're so glad he's part of your life. He really does mean a lot to you.
Still, you can't help but wonder — does he like you and want a relationship with you, or is he just stringing you along?
You support him and he's been a good friend to you, even if he doesn't seem to give as much as you do and things feel a bit unbalanced. He has a great sense of humor which shows up in his entertaining texts, so you always love hearing from him.
Your friendship may still be going strong after several years now, or you may have only known each other for a few months, but he's come to add both fun and support to your life. You can't imagine what it would be like without him, so you're careful about what you say and do, making sure to stay in touch so the connection continues.
You start to believe he must really like you because when you're together, it's nothing short of amazing. He's sweet and helpful, and he usually makes you feel so good about yourself.
He's told you clearly that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but while you may not see him consistently, when you do, it's fantastic.
The good news if there are at least seven signs you can watch for that will let you know if a guy is stringing you along. You might not want to read them, but if you’ve been kidding yourself, this is the way to find out where you stand.
Face the music by looking for these 7 signs he's stringing you along and doesn't want a relationship.
1. He already has a girlfriend.
Whether you met him before or after he got his girlfriend, he complains about how she treats him.
Maybe she's mean or too demanding. Whatever the problem is, it drives him to seek you out, which often leads to spending the night together.
You feel so badly for him and can't imagine how could she be like that. But the trouble is, that's not the right question for you to be asking yourself.
What you really need to know is why he needs to talk about his problems with you rather than fix them with her? And why is he sleeping with you (or anyone else) outside of their relationship?
Most often this happens because he's a player type who seems like a nice guy, but is he?
2. He's hot and cold.
When your male friend is “on” you hear from him often. The texting and calls are fun, and he wants to see you.
Then he gets busy and whoosh — he disappears like a puff of smoke. The weeks drag on and even if you text him, he might ignore you or text back that he's super busy right now, asking you to be patient with him.
Then out of nowhere he shows up like he was never away. No explanation and no apology, He just picks up where he left off. Things are great again like before, but you start wondering how long it will last and when he'll disappear again.
3. He's never free to see you on weekends.
The first time you met might have been on a weekend, but since then he is never free on a Saturday night. It seems like he can only see you during the week, maybe even only on certain days.
If this is happening, know that he just wants to get you into bed and you are accepting these relationship crumbs because you don't value yourself enough.
A man who genuinely cares for you would be available to you on weekends as well, instead of seeing the other woman he must prefer on Saturday nights.
Don't put up with this kind of disrespectful treatment!
4. He stays in touch, but doesn't make time to see you.
He is really good about keeping in touch, and you love that about him. He's always texting during the day and into the night. Your conversations are fun, and sometimes they get pretty deep, too.
The problem is that he's so darn busy you rarely see him. He talks a lot about taking you out, but he never does.
It wasn't always like this, but now this seems to be the norm. Sometimes you send naughty texts, but it's been a while since you've spent time together in person.
This is a heads-up that he's not serious about you. This is not how one friend treats another. He's most likely stringing you along.
5. He texts late at night because he needs to see you.
You love having a male friend and being part of his life. Yet, this new habit of his, texting you at 10:00 p.m. and wanting to see you, makes you wonder.
While the sex is hot and you're happy to see him, why can't he manage to plan ahead?
Come to think of it, he never takes you out on dates anymore. Maybe he never did and you've always seen him at your place.
Whatever the case, it may be starting to dawn on you that he's just using you, and that's not a good feeling at all.
6. He asks for favors but rarely reciprocates.
Being this guy's friend is such a blast. You're having the best time with him, laughing at the same stuff and texting all sorts of things. The two of you have so much in common you can't believe it.
You really value his friendship, so when he started asking you to do him some favors here or there, you went ahead and did them. That's what friends do, right?
But as time goes by, he seems to ask you for more and more favors. In fact, when you really think about it, he only reaches out when he wants something from you.
This seems sort of one-sided. You rarely ask him for help with anything, and when you do, he's too busy to squeeze helping you out into his schedule.
Maybe a little resentment builds up (for good reason) and you start to question if he just wants you for "that one thing" plus a few extra favors that make his life easier).
7. He pours his heart out, then rushes off.
It blows your mind the things your male friend will tell you about himself and his life. He has really opened up to you, and you think he must really like and trust you to share so deeply about private matters.
Happy to be supportive, you listen intently and offer him your wisdom. It makes you feel proud that you are always there for him as a really good friend. In a way, you even feel a little bit honored that he's chosen you as his confidante.
Once in a while, he comes by and you end up in bed. But you don't mind — it's always great to be with him, whatever is involved.
The thing is, he spills his guts, sharing whatever is on his mind and then rushing off to something else. This leaves you curious about what he thinks about you and what you mean to him.
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You deserve a balanced, enriching relationship with reciprocity.
That means whatever you do for a guy, he returns the favor. Maybe not in the exact same way, but at least you won't be the only one giving.
You aren't some consolation prize — you deserve a genuine, loving relationship.
If you want friendship with him, fine, then stick to friendship. If you want a relationship, stop barking up the wrong tree because he either has a woman in his life or doesn't want a committed relationship.
When you have healthy boundaries and feel confident, you walk away from people who are selfish and self-absorbed.
Knowing you deserve to be treated well, appreciated and cherished allows you to move on and look for a better man with whom you can enjoy the kind of loving relationship you dream of and deserve.
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Ronnie Ann Ryan is a love and dating coach who's helped thousands of successful single women with hot careers (but chilly love lives) find lasting love through her intuituve coaching and past life readings.