10 Signs He's Still In Love With His Ex (And Only Using You As A Diversion)

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10 Signs He's Still In Love With His Ex (And Only Using You As A Diversion)

He's not over her.

We might seek the X-factor in a man, but the "ex" factor is undoubtedly the bane of every woman’s existence. It's that horrid moment when you start to realize you're in a relationship with a man that you love, but who may still have feelings left for his ex, that he simply can't seem to let go.

RELATED: The 4 REAL Reasons You're So Obsessed With Your Man's Ex-Girlfriend

It is said that as women, we are gifted in our abilities to instinctively sense when something is wrong. And, there may have been a few red flags in the beginning. Even smart women miss the signals because there are lots of reasons to express your pain from the past or share memories that made you who you are today. So, when that red flag goes flying up, it's easy to ignore the signal. 

But love drapes a cloth so dark over our eyes that we tend to ignore all the warnings, even when they are right in front of us.

Wouldn’t it be splendid if you could avoid that heartbreak and prevent the humiliation of being the rebound (a mere replacement), just by noticing a few of your boyfriend’s habits? It’s never too late to begin.

Here are 10 signs he still loves his ex and your relationship might be in trouble.

1. Every little thing reminds him of his ex.

Imagine this: you get all dolled up and meet him for a romantic dinner and the moment your food arrives, he comments that his ex-girlfriend always ordered the very same item. You let that slide, but as the evening progresses, the references just keep increasing and when the night ends, you probably know more about her than you know about him.

This is surely a sign that she is always on his mind. If you continue dating him, you might see that he finds excuses to talk about her and casually slips her name into every conversation you have. You don’t need to be okay with this because it is NOT okay.

2. He talks about her during sex.

Even if you forgive him for ruining dinner, talking about her while getting physically intimate is a deal breaker. There is nothing creepier than reminiscing about being inside her, while he is inside you, or telling you about the cool "sex stuff" she taught him.

3. He tells her things before he tells you.

Whether it’s a new job or a promotion at work or even something as innocuous as getting a haircut, you should be the one to know about it first. But if he tells her before he does you, then things are definitely fishy. If you complain, he will bring up the age-old "but she is still one of my friends" excuse.

4. He listens to songs about lost love and spews hateful things about her.

Your music preferences can say a lot about your state of mind. If he keeps listening to doleful songs about past lovers, he is the quintessential lovelorn swain.

Now, the moment you make a joke about this, he will get immensely angry and say the meanest things about her. Don’t be fooled by his apparent animosity. He only says those because he can no longer be with her. Grapes are sour, remember?

RELATED: 5 Times It's Okay To Reconnect With Your Ex (And 5 Times It's NOT)

5. He stalks her obsessively on social media.

Liking her photos is not a crime. But if he keeps liking everything she posts (no matter how inane or stupid) and keeps tabs on her activities across all social media platforms, he has not forgotten her. This becomes especially apparent when he does not do the same with your posts and fiercely defends himself (“I liked it because she said something intelligent!").

6. He has photos of all his other ex-girlfriends, except her.

Maybe he is the kind who remains friends with his exes and adorns the wall with their photos. Then why is her photo absent? It could be because he harbors feelings for her and looking back on memories they shared is nothing short of painful.

7. He behaves weirdly when talking to her.

He talks to all his friend in front of you, but when she calls, he slinks into the nearest empty room and locks the door. If you try to hear what they are talking about, you cannot. He will whisper like he is finalizing a clandestine deal. Once the call is over, he will be distant and distracted and even act jumpy if you ask him about it.

8. He gives her personalized gifts for her birthday.

Birthday gifts are normal, but not if he is giving her something that has meaning. It’s even worse if he gives her something that belongs to him — like his t-shirt or a photograph of the two of them with a personal message.

RELATED: Heartbreak Can Literally Kill You, Says Very Sad Study

9. He's still close to her family members.

He will continue visiting her family or engaging with them on Facebook. He will have conversations about her with her mother, share secrets with her brother and continue schmoozing her father. This is one of the major signs he still loves his ex and is merely finding ways of being a part of her life in some way.

10. He cries and tells you about his feelings for her when he's drunk.

Drunk dialing and texting are common, often harmless things. Taking things one step further, he will cry and pour his heart out. You might think he is inebriated and therefore his words mean nothing. You might even console him and tell him you are there for him.

But pay heed to all that he says. If none of the above signs makes you run, this most certainly should!

Abhinanda Datta is a graduate student of journalism at Medill School of Journalism, Northwestern University. She is a long-form investigative and multimedia reporter. Prior to this she completed her master’s in English literature and worked as an arts and culture reporter at The Telegraph in India