15 Signs The Person You Love Doesn’t Care About Your Relationship

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upset woman sitting on bed with man on his phone
Partner
Heartbreak

By Elizabeth Laura Nelson

When a guy isn't happy with his relationship, you'll know.

He'll close off and shut down. He will push you away — or worse, manipulate you into leaving. He'll stop putting time aside to see you, or do the childish thing and ghost you.

It's better if you spot the warning signs he doesn't care about the relationship early on in the dating stage, but many of us go all the way to marriage before signs like these show up.

RELATED: 5 Signs Of A Bad Relationship —​ And How To Know When It's Time To Break Up

There's no worse feeling than being misunderstood by your partner. Part of the reason we seek out romantic relationships in the first place is because we want someone to know us, inside and out, and still love us despite our flaws.

Feeling like your partner "gets" you is a big deal. But to "get" you, they have to know you. And, believe it or not, plenty of people marry partners who don't know them well. 

How do you know if a guy is not serious in a relationship?

There are several things that can indicate that he's not serious about a relationship. If he doesn't want to know your “story,” bails on you often, doesn't open up to you, and doesn't make future plans, or avoids talking about the future altogether, he most likely doesn't see things working out with you.

"Most guys will back up their words with actions. If they say, 'I love you,' they will also show it by doing the things to make you feel loved," relationship coach Keith Dent says.

The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is that you can tell in your gut if he isn't serious. Your intuition is your best friend in relationships, so if you feel like things are sliding off course, address it immediately.

How do you test him to see if he cares?

Test him by asking him how his day was. Listen to what he says, and when he's done, wait to see if he asks you about yours. If he doesn't, he's focused on himself.

See if he remembers little facts about you like your favorite color or candy or flower. If he can't come up with an answer or gives you the wrong one, it's an indicator that he's not interested in your relationship.

But, says Dent, there is a negative part to testing your partner. "If you need to test him, then it's not real in the first place. Testing only sets up roadblocks, and the tester usually does not obtain the response they want," he cautions.

Relationship coach Marilyn Sutherland suggests, "Ask yourself if he's a good match for you instead of trying to prove you're a good match for him. Be your authentic, amazing self. If he doesn't come running, he's not for you."

How do you know if he doesn't love you anymore? 

It's a sad thing when somebody falls out of love with you, but it does happen. He might act distant or isn't as excited to see you. He doesn't reach out as often or doesn't jump at the opportunity to spend time with you.

However, if you aren't 100 percent sure, Dent suggests asking him: "If he says, 'Sure!' and doesn't back it up with reasons, then he doesn't care as much as you thought he did."

15 Signs He Doesn't Care About the Relationship

1. He doesn’t ask about your day.

Photo: Dusan Petkovic

Sure, it feels nice when your partner texts you throughout the day to check in. But if he’s always texting to tell you what’s going on with him, rather than asking how your day is going, it’s a sign that not only does he not care how you’re doing, he doesn’t even know what to ask.

Your partner should be tuned into what’s happening with you, be curious about your day, and genuinely want to know how you are.

It’s the little details of our lives that make up the big picture, so if he’s not asking how your commute was, what you had for lunch, or whether you finished that big project on time, he’s not going to know you.

2. He doesn’t hang out with your friends.

Maybe he told you to go to your BFF’s birthday party without him because he’s not into karaoke, and would rather stay home and watch Netflix. Or, maybe he’ll allow himself to be dragged to a night out with your friend, but rolls his eyes the whole time and wants to leave early.

If, when given the choice, he’d rather go out with his friends than yours, it’s a sign he's losing interest in you and the relationship.

3. He can't tell when you’re upset (or doesn't react).

Photo: Andrey_Popov / Shutterstock

We all have little indicators that tell the people who care about us when we’re feeling blue. You don’t have to be camped out on the sofa in your grotty old sweatpants, crying and mainlining wine, for someone who supposedly loves you to see that you aren't being yourself.

A person who loves you will be able to tell you’re upset just by a glance or the way you answer the phone. If he doesn’t catch onto your cues, he doesn’t know you.

4. You always wear makeup around him.

I went to college with a girl who confessed to me the night before her wedding that her husband-to-be had never seen her without foundation and mascara. How can you marry someone who doesn’t know what your naked face looks like?

We all have our things we’re self-conscious about — whether it’s acne scars or the eyebrows we plucked down to nothing — but if your partner hasn’t seen you barefaced, it's an indicator that something isn't right.

RELATED: If He Stopped Doing These 12 Things, Chances Are He's Falling Out Of Love

5. He gives you bad gifts.

It’s the thought that counts, but if every holiday he gifts you the same thing — jewelry you’d never wear, a dress that’s not your style, kitchen supplies when you hate cooking — it should be enough for you to question if he cares.

Somehow, he has a knack for finding something that’s so completely not you, you’re not sure what he could have been thinking. You’ve gotten to be an expert at faking a smile and swallowing your disappointment.

6. You’ve never yelled at him.

Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock

Not that I recommend shouting at the person you love, but if you’ve never let yourself lose your temper or engage in a fight, you’re not really comfortable around him. You’re putting on an act, keeping yourself buttoned up, and not allowing yourself to be real.

Fighting in a relationship is normal, and you shouldn't be walking on eggshells to keep the peace.

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7. You don’t have deep conversations.

A friend once asked me if I thought it was normal that he and his girlfriend didn’t really have conversations. He explained that they had great sex, and he really liked her, and they got along just fine, but that they never really talked.

Most nights, he said, he watched television while she knitted beside him on the sofa. While this sounds quiet and comfortable, it’s not a foundation for a relationship.

Sex is important in a relationship, but you need to talk to each other, too. Communication is the key and the foundation, and without that, the whole thing will crumble.

"If you want a committed relationship, you have to get to know him and have deeper conversations and not just sex. Otherwise, your actions may suggest you are not serious," warns Sutherland. 

You shouldn’t just have everyday conversations, either. You should take the time to have deep conversations about everything under the sun — your past, your future, politics, feelings. Everything.

8. He doesn’t remember your stories.

Even if you have had deep conversations, if he doesn’t seem to recall them, you’ve got a problem.

Part of falling in love with people is hearing all their stories. (That’s also the terrible thing about breaking up with someone and starting over because you’ve got to tell all your stories again.)

If he didn’t really listen, or he did but he forgot them, was he even listening to you? Or does he just not care?

9. You feel lonely.

Photo: Andrii Kobryn / Shutterstock

They say loneliness is the human condition. And, really, there’s nothing wrong with feeling lonely sometimes. We all do. But if you’re consistently lonely in your relationship, and feel more lonely when you’re with your partner than when you’re alone, it’s a sign that something is wrong.

Being with someone who doesn’t know you, especially when it’s someone who’s supposed to know you better than anyone else in the world, is a terrible feeling. You can't go on feeling like this, so consider it a sign.

10. He doesn't spend time with you.

Spending time together is what makes a relationship serious! It's taking time away from other things to focus on you, and that's serious business.

But if he isn't doing that, isn't putting time aside to be with you and spend time together, you aren't a priority to him. That's something you should never tolerate, as he should actively want to be around you.

"If you have to constantly beg, prod, and ask for your man to spend time with you," says Dent, he's no longer in love with you. And if he thinks you aren't worth his time, he isn't worth your time.

RELATED: 15 Signs He's Not Caring — He's Just Insanely Controlling

11. He makes all the decisions.

If you're in a long-term relationship and he's still making all the decisions, that's not a great sign. Love is about compromise and making big or little decisions together, especially if it will affect both of your lives. If he truly cared about you, he would ask for your opinion.

When a man makes decisions without his partner, it could mean that he doesn't see you as an equal partner, which is toxic at best. You deserve a relationship with someone who respects you and your opinion.

12. He’s never jealous.

Jealousy can be horrible, but for a guy to never get jealous, even a little bit, is a bad sign. A little jealousy is fine in relationships; it's actually completely normal as long as it's protective rather than toxic.

If they care about you, they should be afraid of losing you from time to time. If your guy isn't slightly bothered by men coming onto you, he probably doesn't care anymore if you leave or not. This is a clear sign he doesn't have feelings for you anymore.

13. He doesn’t think about your future together.

In a healthy relationship, you will excitedly discuss your future together. If your partner constantly avoids talking about the future and marriage, or he does and you aren't a part of it, this is a huge red flag.

As Dent suggests, "If he no longer cares about your incorporating your life with his," he probably doesn't love you.

Your partner should want to be involved in your life and your future together, especially if things are serious. This just calls into question why he's dating you in the first place, and you probably won't like his answer.

14. He flirts with other women in front of you.

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This shouldn't be happening at all if he truly loves you. When a man falls in love, there's no other woman out there for him. It's you and you alone that can set his world alight in passion, so if he's outright flirting with women in front of you, he doesn't care about you.

If he does care about you and flirts when he's intoxicated, that's a toxic relationship. Never let a man treat you in this way because you're worth much more.

15. He doesn’t put effort into making things work.

The biggest sign of a guy not caring about the relationship is if he doesn't put any effort into making things work.

Sutherland warns that it takes work on both sides for a storybook ending, adding, “It can happen if both of you intentionally connect with each other and I recommend you be the one to start. You can’t complain all day and think that is creating a happy home.”

However, if they are making an effort, try not to criticize if it doesn’t end up going the way you planned. “Thank them when they make an effort. Men are not mind-readers (and often that’s a good thing). Make requests from love and partnership, not demands,” Sutherland recommends.

RELATED: 8 Signs He's Using You Because He Hates Being Alone

Elizabeth Laura Nelson is a commerce editor for Woman's World US and FIRST For Women.

This article was originally published at SheSaid. Reprinted with permission from the author.