8 Unattractive Relationship Mistakes That Crush Someone's Desire For You
Is he pulling away, or are you pushing him away?
Prostock-Studio | Canva If you notice a pattern of chasing men and feeling rejected, you may wonder why men pull away from a relationship with a woman they claim to love. However, it could be that the way you attempt to feel loved is actually what causes men to pull away from you. This prevents you from getting the love you want and being in a healthy relationship. Every couple goes through relationship problems but if you handle them the right way, it may ensure that your man decides to stay rather than leave.
Here are 8 unattractive relationship mistakes that crush someone's desire for you:
1. You don't recognize when you're triggered and blame your partner for how you feel
2. You accuse them of rejecting you rather than check on their intentions
3. You blame rather than ask curious questions
For instance, blaming sounds like, "You are just ignoring me" instead of saying "Is everything okay? I noticed that it's difficult to get hold of you lately."
4. You constantly test your partner to prove their love, but nothing can ever make you feel good enough
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5. You project your past wounds onto each other and want your partner to meet those unmet needs
6. You make them responsible for how you feel and want them to make it up to you
7. You want them to put the same amount of effort into the relationship as you do
8. He feels attacked when you feel rejected and misunderstands you
Can you prevent yourself from making these mistakes that push him and his love away? Many women mistakenly push men away in the ways that they try to get close. A typical mistake that women make in relationships is wanting someone so much that it pushes him away, instead. This occurs when a partner seeks to get all their unmet needs met through their partner, who then feels responsible for meeting all their past hurts and making up for them.
If the partner does not meet these needs, they are perceived to be unloving or rejecting and therefore respond accordingly by pulling away. It prevents the partner from wanting to get close, and, often, they fear the response they will get when they do get close, so they back away. When your partner doesn't know how to express love and gets told "You don't love me" or "You don't care about me", it deters him from wanting to get closer when he feels bad. It's like the child who feels bad for not doing what the parent wants: the worse they feel, the less they will want to do what the parents want, so they get labeled.
You can prevent your partner from wanting to get close if you are finding fault in them for not meeting past longings of unmet love. If you have childhood wounds of abandonment or felt unloved, no one can change how you feel about yourself unless you change how you feel about yourself by sorting out your feelings.
Here are 5 ways to avoid making these relationship mistakes that push him away so you can get the love you want.
1. Once you start loving yourself, you will meet your own needs and find fulfillment within yourself, instead of meeting everyone else's needs in the hope of getting loved back
2. Once you let go of putting your past needs onto your spouse, they can come closer when they feel the need to do for themselves
The exception is when the partner is not available at all.
3. If you can become mindful of your fears and deal with them, it is less likely that you will feel disappointed
In this way, you can be attuned to your relationship, allowing your partner to come closer to you.
4. To avoid these relationship mistakes that push men away, it is wise to wait until your partner feels ready to come back to talk rather than pin them down to talk
They will feel like coming back into the relationship on their own accord.
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5. Instead of making assumptions or accusations, it is a good idea to become curious and ask open questions
Once they feel heard or understood, they are more likely to respond to your feelings or needs. In this case, you can express how you feel, so they can give you the emotional response you deserve. If a partner is completely emotionally unavailable to your needs, perhaps you need to work out why you are holding out for something when you are getting nothing back in return.
If you feel unloved or unwanted, you could make it your mission to search for love so that you can escape the feelings of being unworthy or rejected. When your partner cannot always be there to meet these needs, the relationship can feel unsatisfying, where these feelings of being unwanted surface and get projected onto your partner as if they do not want you. When you address these feelings inside yourself, you are more able to see your relationship from a clearer lens and respond to each other's real needs. This way, you avoid making these mistakes that push men away and you'll have the healthy relationships you deserve.
Nancy Carbone is an author, relationship therapist, and psychodynamic therapist. She specializes in the treatment of personality disorders and relational trauma and is accredited as a mental health social worker.