8 Relationship Mistakes You Didn’t Know You Were Making

You might be pushing him away.

Why Men Pull Away In Relationships, Even When They Love You Larm Rmah via Unsplash

If you notice a pattern of chasing men and feeling rejected, you may wonder why men pull away in a relationship with a woman they claim to love. 

However, it could be that the way you attempt to feel loved is actually what causes men to pull away from you. This prevents you from getting the love you want and being in the healthy relationship.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Why Men Pull Away From Good Relationships


Every couple goes through relationship problems but if you handle them the right way, it may ensure that your man decides to stay rather than leave. 

If you want to avoid making relationship mistakes that push men away, you may have to stop trying to look for love in others in order to find love within yourself. 

If you are suffering from unmet love and need love from your partner to avoid feelings of insecurity or not feeling good enough, you could actually be pushing him further away from giving you the one thing you want.

A typical relationship mistake that causes men to pull away stems from the ways women protect themselves from feeling rejected or not being good enough.


When women fall into these traps in relationships, men begin to pull away because he misperceives his wife's request for love as an attack on him.

When this occurs, both partners are not attuned to the other's needs and cannot hear each other. They become stuck in the ways they each protect themselves from getting hurt. But, by doing so, they react in ways that end up reinforcing the negative pattern of interaction.

So, why do men pull away in a relationship? The actual truth is he is not really rejecting you; he is just scared of upsetting you further so he backs off.

Instead of plugging into your emotional needs, he is unable to give you the emotional response you need, by pulling away because he feels encroached upon. He misreads your behavior as demands or an attack on him.


So, he never understands your feelings. He feels over flooded with how he hurt you, so he pulls away to regain his sense of self and avoid escalating your reaction.

It is not necessarily because he doesn't care: he doesn't know what to do. He is not in touch with his feelings, unlike you.

When a husband doesn't pick up his wife's feelings of rejection or ignores her feelings, this can often feel like he is unavailable to meet her emotional needs, causing her to feel unloved or wanted.

If she has an insecure anxious attachment style, she could end up putting a lot of effort into getting her partner to respond to her needs within the relationship.


Often, the more men are chased to respond, the more they want space. Forcing them to give you time or talk can feel like pulling teeth.

A person will not feel ready to come back into the relationship until they feel safe to do so. If you chase him when you feel distressed and feel rejected, you are protecting yourself by instigating a response in order to see if he will respond, as proof that he cares. This can often push him away further.

When a man pulls away when a woman wants to talk, it is often because he feels afraid of her reaction. Meanwhile, she is protesting as a desperate bid for connection when she feels rejected.

It's like the rubber band effect — the more you pull for something from your partner, the more they will pull the other way. The more you let go of them, the more they will get there in their own way.


Sometimes, chasing a partner will hinder them from coming closer.

If you put your fears or anxiety onto your partner, hoping that they will give you what you need, it will do the opposite because they will feel deterred from doing it themselves.

It's a bit like the toddler who is afraid of the parent who yells when they do not do what the parent requires of them. The toddler will not willingly want to do what they are being told, often being labeled as defiant.

Similarly, the partner can be labeled or blamed in the relationship, causing them to pull away.

Here are 8 relationship mistakes that cause men to pull away in a relationship with women they love.


1. You don't recognize when you're triggered and blame your partner for how you feel.

2. You accuse them of rejecting you rather than check on their intentions.

3. You blame rather than ask curious questions, for instance blaming sounds like, "You are just ignoring me" instead of saying "Is everything okay? I noticed that it's difficult to get hold of you lately."

4. You constantly test your partner to prove their love, but nothing can ever make you feel good enough.

5. You project your past wounds onto each other and want your partner to meet those unmet needs.

6. You make them responsible for how you feel and want them to make it up to you.

7. You want them to put the same amount of effort into the relationship as you do.


8. He feels attacked when you feel rejected and misunderstands you.

RELATED: This Is Why Men Pull Away From The Women They Love

Can you prevent yourself from making these mistakes that push him and his love away? 

Many women mistakenly push men away in the ways that they try to get close.

In fact, a typical mistake that women make in relationships is wanting someone so much that it pushes him away, instead. This occurs when a partner seeks to get all their unmet needs met through their partner, who then feels responsible for meeting all their past hurts and make up for them.

If the partner does not meet these needs, they are perceived to be unloving or rejecting, and therefore responds accordingly by pulling away. It prevents the partner from wanting to get close, and, often, they fear the response they will get when they do get close, so they back away.


When your partner doesn't know how to express love and gets told "You don't love me" or "You don't care about me", it deters him from wanting to get closer when he feels bad.

It's like the child who feels bad for not doing what the parent wants: the worse they feel, the less they will want to do what the parents want, so they get labeled.

You can prevent your partner from wanting to get close if you are finding fault in them for not meeting past longings of unmet love.

If you have childhood wounds of abandonment or felt unloved, no one can change how you feel about yourself unless you change how you feel about yourself by sorting out your feelings.


Here are 4 ways to avoid making these relationship mistakes that push him away so you can get the love you want.

1. Once you start loving yourself, you will meet your own needs and find fulfillment within yourself, instead of meeting everyone else's needs in the hope to get loved back.

2. Once you let go of putting your past needs onto your spouse, they can come closer when they feel the need to for themselves. The exception is when the partner is not available at all.


3. If you can become mindful of your fears and deal with them, it is less likely that you will feel disappointed. In this way. you can be attuned to your relationship, allowing your partner to come closer towards you.

4. To avoid these relationship mistakes that push men away, it is wise to wait until your partner feels ready to come back to talk rather than pin them down to talk. They will feel like coming back into the relationship on their own accord.

5. Instead of making assumptions or accusations, it is a good idea to become curious and ask open questions. Once they feel heard or understood, they are more likely to respond to your feelings or needs. In which case, you can express how you feel, so they can give you the emotional response you deserve.

If a partner is completely emotionally unavailable to your needs, perhaps you need to work out why you are holding out for something when you are getting nothing back in return.


If you feel unloved or unwanted, you could make it your mission to search for love so that you can escape the feelings of being unworthy or rejected.

When your partner cannot always be there to meet these needs, the relationship can feel unsatisfying, where these feelings of being unwanted surface and get projected onto your partner as if they do not want you.

When you address these feelings inside yourself, you are more able to see your relationship from a clearer lens and respond to each other's real needs. This way, you avoid making these mistakes that push men away and you'll have the healthy relationships you deserve. 

RELATED: The 6 Real Reasons Men Usually Leave Women


Nancy Carbone, M.Soc. Sc (Couns), is a relationship therapist. You can visit her website if you want to stop making relationship mistakes that push love away or sign up on her newsletter for free relationship advice and tips.