Love, Quotes

15 Marriage Quotes That EVERY Married Couple Can Relate To — For Better Or Worse

Marriage. What a strange tradition we have become accustomed to.

We can thank ancient Hebrew law for the practice, which also “required a man to become the husband of a deceased brother's widow.” (Fortunately, that rule has since fallen out of fashion.)

The origins of marriage are the perfect beginnings of an ABC sitcom starring two people who were shoved into being together forever and have no idea what they are doing.

Aren’t we all like that?

We get married because society tells us to do so, even though we could do technically do almost everything a married couple could without being married by law.

Knowing this, it’s good to sit back and laugh the idealized “fairy tale” vision of marriage and see it for what it really is — Two goofs who truly love each other but are in no way “changed” because they got married.

(In fact, the goofiness of two people who love each other actually intensifies in a marriage.)


Although it is nice to think of marriage as a romantic fable, that fairy tale doesn’t normally extend past your wedding day and, after that, you’re in a hardcore partnership and nothing is pretty anymore.

Quickly, you’ll find out your husband likes to poop with the door open and you just have to be okay with it.

Date nights won’t be a romantic dinner at a nice sushi restaurant. Rather, it will be you two falling asleep on the couch at 9pm lit by menu screen of the on-demand movie you’ve been dying to see play into the night.

You’ll watch each other get wrinkly and, although neither of you will have rockin’ bods anymore, at least you will be getting wrinkly together.

Marriage is hard, funny, and sometimes unthinkable (i.e. your spouse probably knows wayyy too much about your bodily functions).

So instead of perpetuating the myth of unspoiled marital bliss, let’s celebrate the hilarious realities with these funny and way-too-relatable quotes about marriage.

If you’re looking for a little inspiration, we’ve got the best quotes to share and savor. For quotes from the most inspiring celebsactivists, and poets, look no further! You might even find the quote that motivates the best parts of your life (and love!) forever.

Is it a trunk or a closet? What's the difference?

marriage quotes

"That moment when you have to leave the clothes you just bought in the trunk of the car because your husband is home."

Breathe deep, OK? (hee hee hoo)

marriage quotes

"I've birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop."

PLEASE put that away!

marriage quotes

 "When you're in the shower and you wife walks in, so you gotta remind her of the goods."

And, NO, you are not married to Chris Pratt. *weeps*

marriage quotes

"Marriage, it's like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."

Admit it, it's kind of cute.

marriage quotes

"If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say 'Now you're super mad!' If they laugh marry them."

As long as you still grab mine!

marriage quotes

 "I vow to still grab your butt even when you're old and wrinkly"

Grandmas are ALWAYS right.

marriage quotes

"My grandmother's advice: find someone you want to annoy the rest of your life."

My heart is so full, yet so annoyed.

marriage quotes

"I love you even more than I am annoyed by you. Which is a lot."


marriage quotes.

"90% of being married is just shouting 'what' form other rooms."

You might wanna get that checked out...

marriage quotes

"Dating texts: 'Baby, I don't feel good.' Married texts: 'I've had diarrhea seven times today."

And next week? Ikea! Hell ya!

marriage quotes

 "Had date night tonight. Went to Lowe's and bought a toilet"

The Golden Rules.

marriage quotes

"Rules for a Happy Marriage: 1. Only yell at each other if the house is on fire. 2. Never got ot bed mad, stay up and fight. 3. Sex, lots of sex"

Said by all wives everywhere.

marriage quotes

"If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning."

A very relatable dynamic.

marriage quotes

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." -Woody Allen

Can you empty the dishwasher? (repeats for the seventh time)

marriage quotes

"Being married is like having a best friend who doesn't remember anything you say."