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Losing control can be sexy AF.
By Alex Alexander — Written on Jan 17, 2022
Sex positions are funny things.
Everyone has their own favorites for a variety of reasons. Some people will talk your ear off about “Doggy Style,” others will wax philosophical about the underrated pleasures of the “Missionary” sex position.
But, as a man, when it comes to sex positions men love, there is one configuration that is a personal favorite of my I think men are often afraid to admit they're into. It’s nothing particularly kinky, but it’s a pose that gives me a tremendous amount of pleasure for a reason I never anticipated. What’s my secret shame?
I love reverse cowgirl.
It’s the best.
But I didn’t think I was going to like it at first.
For those unfamiliar, reverse cowgirl involves the man lying on his back, the woman straddling his hips, facing away from the man’s face. This position also works well if the man is sitting and the woman sits on his lap, facing away from him.
The woman lowers herself onto her man and she controls the pace and rhythm of the movement.
The man can help by thrusting his pelvis upward, but really, reverse cowgirl is all about the woman riding the man. It’s her ride and she’s in the driver’s seat … or the saddle … whatever works best for the “cowgirl” metaphor.
Like I said, the first time I tried reverse cowgirl, I was majorly skeptical.
“What was wrong with regular cowgirl?” I thought. When you reverse it, the man loses easy access to both the breasts and the clitoris (boo) and you lose eye contact as well. I simply didn’t get the appeal.
Until I tried it. And now I know why so many guys are into reverse cowgirl.
Why do men like reverse cowgirl?
Men love the reverse cowgirl because it lets women go wild.
Maybe we dudes are reading the room wrong, but when women decide to flip around on top and take control, their inhibitions go out the door.
Is it the lack of eye contact? Maybe. While locking eyes can definitely make sex more intimate, there’s something to be said for not having to look someone else in the eyes when you’re chasing an orgasm.
That’s the good kind of selfish, where you’re just pursuing mutual pleasure and you don’t have to worry about how your hair looks or what crazy faces you’re making.
You don’t want to be self-conscious — you just want to get there.
And, while doggy style prevents your partner from seeing your “O-face” too, it also severely limits the movements of the woman by trapping her in a table pose.
But, with reverse cowgirl, the woman gets all of the privacy, none of the shame, and she has full use of her body to elevate the experience however she pleases.
Which is hot as hell for a man to witness/participate in.
So, yes, the man doesn’t have easy access to the breasts or the clitoris, but, let’s be frank, those things are best left in a woman’s hand anyway, aren’t they?
She’s going to be able to pleasure herself much better than any guy is, and the reverse cowgirl position gives her the ability to pursue those activities at her leisure.
Maybe she wants to touch herself. (She can do it.) Maybe she needs to control the angle of the thrusting to get you closer to her g-spot. (She can do it.) Maybe she wants to buck and thrash and scream without you looking up her nose the whole time. (She can do it.)
Reverse cowgirl is to women what doggy style is to men. It gives them total control of the experience and allows them to attack their orgasm however they please.
That makes sex way more fulfilling for the woman, but, selfishly, for the man, he reaps all of the additional benefits.
Because he’s getting his sexual partner at her least inhibited, at her most wild, at her most aggressive sexual peak.
And being able to lay back and have that happen right on top of you… it’s the best thing ever.
Are there downsides to reverse cowgirl? Sure there are.
If your partner isn’t into it, she just might kind of scoot up and down on your lap, not pleasing anyone.
If she’s way too into it and starts to bounce, it can be fun, but depending on how much air she’s catching, it can also cause serious injuries for your penis. (Reverse cowgirl brings a much higher risk for a broken penis than most other positions.)
But that’s a rare occurrence and, frankly, it’s a chance men need to take.
Because reverse cowgirl is fantastic for women, which makes it awesome for men as well. It allows women to aggressively take control in the bedroom, unlocking their most sexual selves, and the men… they just get dragged along for the wonderful, wonderful ride.
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Alex Alexander is a writer and frequent contributor to YourTango.