40 TOTALLY Sarcastic Quotes For When Work Is Beating You Down

monday must be a man. It comes too fast.

Here's to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

My face after I give instructions and someone asks me what to do.

How i feel every Sunday night. I must stop monday from coming... but how?

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to come home from work tomorrow.

Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.

I'm sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation.

Hello weekend. Where the hell have you been? I had to do five days of hard labor to find you.

ME: I don't wanna go to work.

BILLS: bitch better have my money.

To avoid injury, don't tell me how to do my job.

Interviewer: "What do you make at your current job?"

Me: "mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments."

Come here, you big, beautiful cup of coffee. And lie to me about how much we're gonna get done today.

I don't always tolerate stupid people. But when i do, I'm probably at work.

When i try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, NO. You don't deserve to be hung up. Sit there and think about what you've done.

Stop petting my peeves.

Don't mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I'd punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn't lose my job.

Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working at our office.

I Wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen.

It's been a rough week. But on a positive note I didn't need any bail money and I didn't have to hide any bodies yet.

It's Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Dear boss, first of all, I would like to let you know I'm typing this with my middle finger.

When your boss asks for work suggestions.

Alcohol would be nice.

10 minutes at work and i start using "fuck" as a comma. 

Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

At work like NAH... you bitches don't pay me enough to be asking me to do all that.

This two-hour meeting was almost as productive as a single, well-written email.

Let's be nice to everyone today. Just kidding, fuck off idiots.

Stay away from me you sick fuckers who should have stayed home.

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

When you're at work hiding in the bathroom and you're contemplating quitting your job and selling everything you own and living out of your car while you travel the country looking for a new life...

Before you go any further, today is not the day and I am not the one.

Excuse me, which level of hell is this?

My fondest childhood memory is not having to spend 40 hours a week with people who make me feel angry and tired so that I can afford to buy paper towels and laundry detergent.

Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.

When my boss asks me to show the new guy around. 

My face when the laziest co-worker complains about working too hard. 

Just stop right there, I already don't give a fuck.

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those EXACT words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

The path of inner peace begins with four words: Not my fucking problem.