7 Sex Positions Men Secretly Hate

Who knew?

By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Aug 17, 2016

When it comes to sex, you'll be hard pressed to convince a man to say anything other than positive things about his favorite recreational pastime.

And who can blame him? In the immortal words of Rufio, sex is 'bangarang'. It's the most fun you can have without pants on (that isn't a luau).

But if you press them, most men will admit that there are some sex positions that just aren't their cup of sexy, sexy tea.

WeHeartIt

Sure, you love the idea of having sex in a rotating cage, Motley Crue style, but to him that sounds frankly, not a little bit confusing, plus he's easily threatened by Tommy Lee (and who can blame him for that?)

Some sex positions, well guys just think they are a little bit overrated when it comes to the old fashioned bump and grind. Here are five examples of sex positions men actually hate.

1. Standing In The Shower

When it comes to sex positions guys enjoy, simple is best. Any of the standing positions get a thumbs down from guys because very often the height difference between the partners makes for an awkward joining of junk. In short, it's a lot of work often with very little reward. Standing shower sex is doubly difficult because of the slip factor and the unpleasant reality of choking on water or freezing your buns off.

2. Side-Spooning in Bed

Again, spooning sex positions are HARD WORK for the dude. That's because torque is practically non-existent, meaning he is dependent on 100% his own powers. You might be thinking this particular style of sex position is enhancing intimacy, but really it's just giving him a charley horse! During side spooning not only is torque impossible to achieve, but gaining access to your vagina can be almost impossible. It's more frustrating than hot and heavy.

3. Too Much Teasing / Dry Humping

Did you read some article on a obscure corner of the internet about "mental coitus"? Yeah. What happens on the internet stays on the internet. Ramp up the foreplay all you want, but when it comes to sex positions guys want actual sex to happen in them.

4. Food Sex

For literal months I have been casually reminding my BF that I need to eat a donut off his penis for work. He purports to be all about trying this out, but the fact that we haven't gotten down to it yet is telling since I can't imagine him turning down plain ol' oral given my relative distaste for it. Less snacking, more macking. (Lol, I amused myself.)

5. Anything featuring a Dom DeLuise mask and/or full body suit

It takes a special kind of man to expect his lover to appear under the cover and then rejoice when discovering this instead:

6. Missionary Sex Position

Sure, missionary is a popular standby, but it puts all the word on the guy's shoulders. He loves being able to look at you as he thrusts inside as deeply as he can, but supporting all his own body weight while thrusting and knowing full well that it's unlikely you'll come in the position makes it one of his least favorites.