Penis Chapstick Cozies EXIST Because Honestly, Why The Hell Not?

Oh yeah. Rub it in.

penis Etsy

It wasn’t long ago that penis lipstick became a big thing and gave ladies everywhere the ability to dollop their lips with tiny, colorful phalluses.

But where will you keep that very special Lipdick when it’s not in use? In its own very special penis-shaped cozy, that’s where!


Etsy seller AbandonedLLAMA from Minnesota (where the weather requires you to definitely stock up on chaptstick and cozy them up) hand-makes these cuties.

Let's be honest: everyone loses their favorite chapstick at some point or finds them in the most random places. With these cozies, you'll never lose them again, because really, who can ignore a wool-y penis? No one would dare try to take your chapstick now!

These are good for chapsticks, lip glosses, and an assortment of whatever purse items you can fit inside of your crocheted penis cozy. They even come with keychain hooks so these handheld cozies can fit practically anywhere. And AbandonedLLAMA also throws in a free peppermint chapstick to get you started.


"The look on other people's faces is priceless when they see it for the first time!! Hide them in your friends purses and wait for them to find them!!" says the product description.

Can you imagine just whipping these out for the first time?

It definitely looks like a hit with Etsy buyers with 2,911 favorites, 360 reviews, and five stars.


"These are the best gift I could have purchased for my bridesmaids! They are going to love them when we go out our bachelorette weekend away!" says one review. "Super great gag gift! I can't wait to give it to the bride to be!" says another.

And look: they come in a diverse selection of colors, so you can pick your fave:

Choose one or all of them for $7 each. Collect all the rainbow colored crocheted penises.


In addition to the cozies, AbandonedLLAMA also crochets a variety of other items. To match your crocheted penis, there are also penis-shaped beer holders, testicle-shaped golf ball holders, penis-shaped tampon holders, and a uterus keychain.

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