Dating Expert Julie Spira Reveals Where The Good Men Are Hiding!

julie spira

YourTango Experts member Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, media personality and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. As an early adopter of the Internet and a technology executive, Julie created her first online dating profile over 18 years ago and has been an expert in Internet dating from dial-up to mobile. Julie is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, a top-ranking online dating advice site, and she is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp, where she helps singles find love from the convenience of their mobile phones.

Julie's dating advice has been featured on and quoted in over 450 stories, in outlets including: ABC, CBS, CNN, Elle, FOX, Glamour, Los Angeles Times, Mashable, Men's Health, Miami Herald, New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, Wired, and Woman's Day. Julie works with singles to create irresistible profiles to speed up their search for someone to ride into the digital sunset with. For dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter or check her out on Facebook.

1. What are you working on right now? Have any exciting news to share? Anything you'd like to showcase?

It's always busy at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters. I'm excited to share that I'm working on the film adaptation of my first online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. In addition, we're getting ready to cast Season 2 of Mobile Dating BootCamp, and we were thrilled when it was recently featured in The Washington Post. I'm also writing my second book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web, and just finished writing my first screenplay, a romantic comedy. 16 Things You Hate About Your Body — That Men Actually Love

Our signature Irresistible Profiles are still a hit for singles looking for love online. Our team helps shorten the search so that daters can ride into the digital sunset together. Love is clearly in the air, as three of our new clients just announced they're madly in love after only a few months of dating. Another couple went ring shopping last week. It's hard not to be happy when you're in the business of love and you become these couples' digital cheerleader. There will be some more exciting announcements in the upcoming months!

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2. What is your favorite romantic movie? What about your favorite romantic song?

My favorite romantic movie is Somewhere in Time (1980), starring Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour. It's still a tearjerker for me, and it shows the power of unconditional love. As a former music radio DJ, I have so many favorite love songs that it's impossible to narrow it down to one. One that warms my heart is "Sentimental Lady" by the late Bob Welch from Fleetwood Mac. When you're in love, music always sounds better. When your heart is breaking, sometimes you just have to turn the radio off.

3. Do you believe in love at first sight?

As a hopeful romantic, I absolutely believe in love at first sight. What happens in the following months can change the immediate feelings of lust into a real, deep love — or fizzle out and run its course. On a personal note, I did fall in love at first sight from across a crowded room with a man many years ago. It was a rare and instant connection. Although we went our separate ways, it's important to realize that you can meet the right person at the wrong time — or meet the wrong person at the right time. Finding the right person at the right time does happen for many, so be clear on why you choose to be in a relationship with someone. Never make a decision based on fear. Your romantic shelf life doesn't have an expiration date, so please don't give up hope. My grandfather got remarried at 87, and he sang to his wife every day. Some Startling Stats About Sex & Texting

4. What is a key requirement for someone you're dating/married to?

I believe in the "totem pole" system. If someone's pet or ex is higher on the totem pole than you are, it's just not going to work. We go through different phases in our lives of what's important to us. Finding a meaningful and deep connection with someone with common values is important to me as well. I'm a bit old-fashioned and still love a chivalrous man. Being the best of friends and finding someone who gets you (and vice-versa) is ideal, too, both during and beyond that fantasized beach walk you might dream of.

5. What couple do you most admire? The pair can be from real life, history, fiction, film, etc.

I admire my happily married parents, who have been amazing role models for me. My dad has a huge sense of humor and flirts with waitresses. That's the worst thing he does, so my mom laughs it off, as he lives his life with integrity. My father lets my mother make 90 percent of the decisions in their lives and is happy to be left with the 10 percent he believes really matters. Typically he decides which car and home to buy, and my mother takes care of everything else, including the social calendar. It's worked for them for 60 years. And he still refers to her as his "beautiful bride."

6. If you could tell your younger self something you've since learned about love, sex, and/or relationships, what would that be?

I have a saying: "Every relationship serves a purpose, but is limited." I realized this after my heart was broken many years ago, and it helped me move forward with my life. Love is the happiest four-letter word that I know, and there are several types of love, including emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. I teach women to be confident, not to settle, and help them understand that being in a relationship with the wrong person is a huge mistake.

Also, remember that a lifetime male friend will last longer than a relationship with a "hottie" than runs its course. Cast a wide net when you meet a man. If you're dating online and meet someone who doesn't look like his or her photos, don't be rude. Think about expanding your social circle. You might meet a new friend, a business contact, or if you're lucky, you just might fall in love. Falling in "like" isn't winning second prize. It can be even more rewarding and enrich your life. Romantic Facebook Posts: Thumbs Up Or Down?

Know that if and when you do get your heart broken, there's more than one person who can be "The One." Just like there are many colors in the Crayola box, the next person you fall in love with just might be a different flavor from the types of guys you're used to and who didn't work out.

7. Fill in the blanks: I'm a sucker for a man who __________.

I'm a sucker for a man who can play "Name That Tune" with me. Seriously, I love music — and holding hands at a concert with my guy, while singing songs together, is incredibly sexy. As a result, when I hear a particular song on the radio, it will remind me of him and make me smile.

8. Fill in the blanks: I feel sexiest when _____________.

I feel sexiest when I'm wearing a red dress and lipstick, and I am feeling confident.

9. What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?

One day while I was single, I complained to my mother that all the good men were either taken or married. My wonderful mother replied with, "No, they're not. They get discarded by women who don't appreciate them." She added, "They'll become available again for a very small window of time, as a smart woman will grab [a guy like that] quickly." My mother is a wise woman. The best advice I give to singles is to be authentic. Sure, we know most people lie about their age, weight or height in their online dating profiles, but it's not a good way to start a relationship. A confident man or woman who's authentic rises to the top of anyone's totem pole.

10. In your experience, when it comes to romantic relationships, what is the biggest difference between men and women?

There used to be a day when rich men wanted pretty women, so men worked hard to build their empire while women struggled with yo-yo diets. Women also sat by the phone waiting for the men to call. I don't believe the differences between the two genders are so great anymore. With everyone logging onto Facebook and posting photos or creating online dating profiles, both men and women are making visual decisions. Women are now making the first move more often, and they've even become aggressors when it comes to sex these days. Men often put their cards on the table on a first date to let the woman know they want to have a serious relationship and aren't interested in serial dating. From where I sit, I see the digital playing field evening out a bit. Still, most women prefer that the man says "I love you" first, and that the man be the one to propose marriage.

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