Robert Pattinson Is Sad And Lonely

Robert Pattinson

Sparkly Rob can't get a date, cries all the time.

Pity poor Robert Pattinson. He's stalked by screaming teenage girls wherever he goes, suffers an incurable allergy to shampoo, and despite his popularity with the Trapper-Keeper set and their emotionally immature mothers, can't get a date. Yeah. We believe that.

Rob, just kicking off the worldwide publicity push for next month's New Moon, tells the Sydney Morning Herald that despite playing emo vampire Edward Cullen, he's still not quite sure why his mere presence invites such hysteria. "Yesterday, I was having lunch down the road," he says. "We were in this place for a couple of hours and suddenly there was like 400 people outside on the street. It was just so nuts and it's like that all the time now."

Asked to comment on his much-covered love life, Rob won't confirm that he and costar Kristen Stewart are dating (no! They're getting MAAAAAARRIED! Jennie Garth said so, so it must be true), and says, "I just don't take any of [the attention] seriously. It's just a job and while it's a job I love, girls scream out for Edward, not Robert. I still can't get a date." 13 Signs You're Dating A Loser

Yeah, we are just not so sure that's true, even if the K-Stew romance is all in the heads of the editors at OK! During production of Twilight, it was rumored that Rob was dating Nikki Reed, the actress playing his vampire kind-of sister, and he's also been linked with his Remember Me costar Emilie de Ravin as well as Jonas ex Camilla Belle. Good lord, we need a whiteboard to keep track of all this hooking up and whatnot.

Seriously, the more we hear Our Lady of Perpetual Whining going on about how he can't get a date and OMG Britney Spears won't return his calls and has anyone heard if Selena Gomez is seeing anyone, the more we want him to start banging groupies like Led Zeppelin in the '70s. What good is it being hounded by mobs of hormonal idiots willing to tattoo your face on their bodies if you're not getting some, eh Rob? Either that, or you might be the problem, buddy.

Via The Sydney Morning Herald. Photo courtesy of Bauer-Griffin.