It may just be time ...
Do you have one of those friends who is negative, blames everyone else for her problems, and criticizes EVERYONE?
You question why you keep hanging out with her, but she’s convenient and likes to do similar things.
I mean, who wants to be alone all the time or miss out on life because they don’t want to fly solo?
Well, I’ll share a little secret with you …
It's possible that not all of your friends are supposed to still be your friends.
Like the rest of us, you want to feel connected and loved. You want to have close friends you can confide in and bounce your awesome or crazy ideas off of. You want the feeling of knowing someone is there for you when you need advice or support.
However, your basic human psychological need for connection can get you into trouble if you don’t pay attention to how you're getting it met.
All friends are not created equal.
You may have hooked up with the wrong guy, befriended a toxic friend just to have someone to hang out with, or worse, put your own values and beliefs on hold to hang out with anyone and everyone to avoid loneliness.
We’ve probably all done that at one time or another (especially the wrong guy thing). You need the right friends if you want to become the woman you’re meant to be — happy, healthy, and confident.
You might want to rethink who you allow into your life.
Yes, I said, “Allow.”
That’s because all of us have that same need for connection and just as you may connect with someone who is unhealthy for you, others can connect with you for the same reason — just to have SOMEONE.
Keep your fingers on the enter and delete buttons when meeting new potential friends and assessing current ones. The choices you make will either weaken or strengthen you.
It’s time to take inventory of your friendships and clean out the ones that no longer (or never did) serve you. If they don't align with your values, they create a dark cloud over the bright future you want to create.
Do all friendships have to be super meaningful? No. But you should always feel comfortable being authentically you. Otherwise, put them in the acquaintance category instead.
You may need to be friendly with people you don't choose to be friends with. Those are acquaintances. Get clear about which is which.
You’ve probably felt the need to act in a particular way around certain people before, at work or a family function for example. Your TRUE friends are sacred, trusted, and powerful for your personal development and confidence. You must feel comfortable being fully YOU with them.
Here are 3 questions you must ask yourself about your current friends:
1. After we get together, am I looking forward to the next time — or wondering if there should be one?
2. Do I feel energized and healthy around her, or completely drained and need a shower to wash off the yuck?
3. Is our relationship a give and take, or does it seem one-sided and frequently uncomfortable?
If it’s feeling like friends are as important as romantic partners, good!
Here’s why your friendships are so powerful and not to be taken (or made) lightly.
- Good friendships help you attract the right men. With true friends, you both get your need for connection met, and are far less likely to pick the wrong guys. You won’t be desperately searching for that need to be met anymore. You will WANT instead of NEED a relationship.
- Yes, men want to be needed, but your guy will appreciate that you want him first and foremost. A need can be filled by anyone potentially, but to be wanted by a confident woman is truly priceless.
- With your need for connection being met by outside friendships also, your connection with him will be much stronger and healthier. You will be confident instead of feeling like you’re going to die if he doesn’t text or call on time. That confidence is immensely attractive to both sexes.
- AND, get this … when you are not in the desperation mode of need, it is energetically impossible to attract a desperate man! You can begin attracting confident, more emotionally healthy and available men who truly want a relationship, instead of attracting needy men.
Be sure YOU are emotionally healthy.
If you are an emotionally healthy woman, you deserve a fun, happy, loving, relationship that feeds your soul and lights your fire! The draining ones that leave you grasping for shreds of who you used to be need to end ... NOW.
Confidence is attractive to other confident people in friendship as well. True friends strengthen you to be your best. They have your back while also calling you on your sh#% when necessary. They are trusted, non-romantic, life partners and should be highly valued.
Your personality style may choose to have lots of friends, while other styles prefer just one or two good friends.
Cleaning out the "friend closet" can be a bit uncomfortable, but the freedom you will feel and space it opens up for new empowering friends is well worth it!
You deserve true friends.
Kelly Rudolph is the founder of PositiveWomenRock.com and shows women how to shift their energy to create a life they love. Get your free personality styles sheet to help you rock your new friendships at https://positivewomenrock.com/styling.
This article was originally published at Positive Women Rock. Reprinted with permission from the author.