5 Ways To Deal With Rejection Like A Boss (& Not Get Stuck In A Shame-Spiral)

Rejection is inevitable, but it's all about how you choose to handle it.

By Ellie Izzo, PhD — Written on Aug 11, 2020

Photo: getty

Rejection sucks, pure and simple. No one likes feeling this way, and we will all experience the pain of it many times in the course of our lives.

We experience in love, work, parenting, and friendships. And just like those parts of life, rejection is inevitable. It's learning how to deal with rejection that's the variable here.

No matter the reason, rejection is painful, leading us to feel anxious, alone, and even jealous of others who aren't feeling the same way.

Of course, while rejection does have its benefits — it makes you more resilient and lets you learn to not make the same mistakes again — it can also lower your self-worth, making you question yourself.

So, whether you're suffering from rejection of a broken heart, the loss of a friendship, or even social media negatively affecting you, you can bounce back.

Here's how to deal with rejection.

1. Understand that you will be okay.

Remember that being okay is an inside job. One person's opinion does not equal the truth. Just stay focused on your opinion of yourself.

Do you like who you are? If the answer is "yes," move on. If the answer is "no," you have some work to do.

2. Realize that the rejection you're feeling may not be about you.

It might be about the person who rejected you, and not about you (or your acceptability).

Some people need to put others down to build themselves up. That speaks to their insecurities, not to your level of attractiveness.

If you must speak up, you can respond to this type of person with something like, "I respect your insight, but I see it a little differently."

3. Think of rejection as something positive.

This person might be doing you a favor in the end, but you don't see past your emotional pain and forget to consider that.

Rejection either provides you with something or protects you from something. Be patient, breathe through it, and you might be surprised to find out later that being rejected was a blessing in disguise.

4. Grow from the experience.

The person who rejected you may be providing you with an opportunity to take your own inventory and grow. Rather than hooking into self-pity, respectfully ask for more information so you can incorporate the feedback into healthy behaviors.

They may feel anxious about some aspect of your behavior and feel resistant to address it. Don't be afraid to ask if there is something you can work on to help the other to feel more comfortable around you.

If they truly matter to you and their request is realistic, why not? Check in with them periodically to see if things are improving.

5. Allow yourself to feel sad.

The sadness you feel about being rejected will diminish with a little time and patience, but only if you allow yourself to feel it.

Sadness, unlike depression, contributes to the passion of living and is a legitimate feeling. It's also self-limited in that it has a beginning and an end. You can feel sad and live to tell the tale.

The biggest challenge around being rejected is the tendency to reject yourself when it happens. This is when sadness devolves into depression, and anger turns on oneself. Don't add insult to injury by cowering in the face of feedback that may be hard to take.