Because we all deserve to be a little bit selfish sometimes.
The Zodiac is a study in contrasts.
For every light trait your sign might have, there's a dark one. For every noble trait, there is a petty one.
Astrologers are always eager to talk to folks about the good things about their signs, but not so much the bad.
Luckily, I'm not your average astrologer. If there's anything I love more than clean sheets and chocolate bars, it's dishing on the dark side of the Zodiac.
So look up your sign, and we'll get started, breaking down your most likely guilty pleasure according to the Zodiac!
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You like to pretend that what people think doesn't matter to you, you busy, vibrating little Aries, you. But somewhere way down deep you want your awesomeness seen, acknowledged, and craved by others. That's why you've got a secret Tinder account. You don't swipe right to meet anyone, you swipe right to make sure your awesomeness is being fully appreciated.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You know when people talk about obnoxious and pot-stirring internet commenters? They're talking about you, Taurus. You don't like attention, but you can't help but derive a little perverse pleasure in causing a ruckus... albeit anonymously. You'd NEVER vote for Donald Trump, but you have no issue arguing with folks who are against him online.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Gemini, you're the perfect party guest. You love to be in touch, to communicate, to part of the scene. You bring life to every event you attend, and the powers that be love you for it. That's why your guiltiest pleasure is disconnecting. You shut off your phone, leave the iPad at home and head out in your car for a private adventure for a party of one.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancers are the mothers of everyone they know. They aren't just homebodies, home and family are their LIFE. It's hard to make a Cancer take a night off, but if you ply them with rose and put someone else in charge of planning an evening out so they can shake their booty on the dance floor, chagrined though they might be they'll thank for it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You are the shining star of the zodiac, and there's nothing you love more than a classy night out. But, if you're feeling bored with this routine, it's time to indulge and hit up your local dive bar. Sure, there's no bottle service, but this new dive gives you a whole new crowd of people to impress.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgos are hard workers. They can't help it. Nothing makes them happier than crossing an item off their to-do list. They've got roughly eight hundred vacation days piled up at work. Their guilty pleasure? Actually taking one of said sick days and having an at-home spa day. Bring on the bubble bath and the chick flicks, the to-do list can wait until tomorrow.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You, lovely Libra, are all about balance (you know, what with the scales and all). You spend so much time making the peace, and focusing on others, it's time to take some time out and just think about you. The best way to do that? Start a you-themed Tumblr dedicated to all the things YOU love. Follow this up with a gory horror flick, because you're peace-loving side needs a break.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You're a water sign, baby, and to make matters even more complex, your sign is very closely associated with sex and death. Yeah. Your life is deep and dark and complex. So it makes sense that your guilty pleasure involves a three-hour binge watching of whatever fine programming Bravo has to offer. Get shallow, it's good for your pores.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You are a creature of trends. Your weekends are always booked with things like visits to bespoke moustache factories and the latest bar where you can buy something served in a mason jar. Your guilty pleasure? Watching movies on VHS. It's so passe it isn't even trendy yet, and on this special day, you don't care.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You're one of the hard-working signs of the zodiac. You walk on eggshells at work, so terrified of getting fired. But you're delusional — everyone at work loves you. You'll own the company before the year is out! The guiltiest pleasure for you to indulge in? Take an extra hour at lunch and get a pedicure!
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
You are so worried about the future. It's your life's work, fighting the good fight and making sure the world is the best it can possibly be. But that can be draining too. When you're pushed to the limit, there's one surefire way to make you feel better. Taking a dip into the past for once and enjoying something retro like roller-skating at the rink. Bring on the childlike joy!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You are the most compassionate sign in the Zodiac. You are an ear for your friends, and you often but them before yourself. You're sweet and kind and always in the middle of the social huddle. So let's indulge in a petty vice, like posting photos of your friends looking sloppy on Facebook. Because it's so out of character, people will be ROLFing.