Women Who Are Deeply Magnetic And Know How To Flirt Usually Display These 5 Behaviors
Women with irresistible charm often share these flirting habits that draw people in.
Steven Indrajaya | Unsplash When coaching single female clients, the topic of how to flirt with a guy always comes up. In particular, they worry about talking to men they've never met before or men who seem interesting.
Basically, they want to know how to be a deeply magnetic person who is adept at flirting with strangers. These women's answers tend to fall into two camps:
- "I'm okay talking to him if the man starts the conversation."
- "If the man starts by saying something embarrassing or awkward, I'm not OK with talking to him."
I tell these clients that there's a third thing to consider, which is that men are quite flattered when a woman talks to them first and whips out good conversation starters. Men are usually the ones who make the long, vulnerable walk from the other side of the bar to approach a group of women (we're always in groups) to ask one of the women to dance.
And after that, the woman then confers with all her friends as to whether she should accept. Perhaps it's not surprising that men feel relieved when you approach them. But then the question comes up: How do you start a conversation with a man who is a stranger? You'd be surprised how easy it is to overthink this one.
Women who are deeply magnetic and know how to flirt usually display these 5 behaviors:
1. Compliment him on anything that's true
Do you like something he's wearing? Say, "Nice shoes! Where'd you get them?"
If you're at a conference or workshop and you notice him because he asked/answered a great question, seek him out on a break, tell him that his comment was interesting, and ask what he thought of the other comments he was given in response.
At the gas station, when he's getting gas at the pump next to you, tell him you like his car and ask why he bought that model. If it's racy looking, ask him how often he stays within the speed limit.
In an elevator, ask him to push the button for your floor. Then say something like, "You must add this talent to your resume because you did such a great job. What other skills do you have?" Another good question: "If the president got in the elevator, what would you ask him?"
2. Just say "hi" and make eye contact
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I know this sounds too simple. But every man I've said "hi" to was quite flattered. This just doesn't happen to men very often, so they're usually surprised and caught off guard and happy to answer back.
Research has suggested women may use a combination of behaviors, such as looking around the room or smiling, to get a man's attention, then make eye contact and nod or tilt their head once he approaches. Overall, nonverbal signals of availability are important for determining if someone will be approached by another person.
3. Ask him a question about what's going on
You're out in the country line dancing with a girlfriend. Ask him which dances he prefers. If you don't know one of the dances he mentions, ask if he'll teach you.
You're on the beach, so ask him, "If you had an empty bottle, what message would you put in it — and where would you hope it would eventually land?" Then ask him if he found a bottle on the beach that he'd like to discover inside.
If you meet him at a party, ask what route he took to get there. Why did he pick that way?
This conversation starter can have lots of possibilities, such as (1) if there are two ways to get somewhere, "Do you have a favorite or do you alternate between the two?" or (2) "Did you come that way from work? What do you do for a living?" or (3) "Do you really think the government should spend money on that particular road construction?" This last one could turn into a heated debate, so be aware!
At a sporting event, ask him which athlete in which sport he'd like to practice with and why. Another great question: "If you could have two superpowers as you play a sport, which ones would they be?" (Lots of men say flying, so it's fun to ask them for two.)
Instead of relying solely on non-verbal cues, effective flirters use conversational tactics to gauge interest and deepen the connection. Uncertainty Reduction Theory suggests that individuals become uncomfortable when unsure about another person's behavior, intentions, and characteristics.
4. Tell him something you know and ask his opinion
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In the grocery store, you could say, "I like the Roma tomatoes because they have a better flavor for sauces. Which ones do you like?"
At the hardware store, you could say, "Do you know which drill bit works best for concrete?" or "Are you good at projects? I'm totally lost in this aisle."
A 2019 study found that this is often perceived as effective because it gives a man an opportunity to feel helpful and valued, while creating a low-pressure, collaborative interaction. The effectiveness of this approach can depend on the style and goals of the individual flirter.
5. Try a more modest approach
Always smile when you're talking to a man you're interested in. This lets him know you're open to speaking with him and enjoying his company.
Here's a bonus question that is fun in any setting: "I've been thinking about the Nobel Prize lately. What do you think you should win the prize for? And why?" (Ladies, be prepared with your own answer to this question.)
Christine Baumgartner is a dating and relationship coach. She helps people who are feeling stuck to talk about dating challenges and come up with solutions.
