You Can Usually Tell How Toxic A Friend Is By These 3 Uncomfortable Feelings They Leave You With
Javier Sánchez Mingorance | Canva Toxicity: I’m sure we’re all familiar with this subject. I am a person who has put up with more toxic relationships than I would care to talk about, so I know what I’m talking about. One type of relationship that is especially toxic is friendship.
Toxic friendships are harder to spot than you'd think, because people who drain you rarely announce themselves. Psychotherapist Dr. Maxine Langdon Starr warns that it's worth paying close attention to how much you give in a friendship versus how much you get back because the emotional imbalance is often the first clue that something is off.
You can usually tell how toxic a friend is by these 3 uncomfortable feelings they leave you with:
1. A toxic friend makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body
This is a big sign that your friend is toxic. Don’t get me wrong — there is a big difference between a toxic friend who’s putting you down and a genuine friend who doesn’t want you walking out of the house looking like a fool.
Regardless of whether you have curves for days or you are stick-thin, you should be proud of your body. So, if your friend is constantly telling you that you are a mess and that you can’t wear certain clothes, then push her out of your life. A genuine friend will keep you from looking like a hot mess, but you’ll know it’s coming from a place of love, not from a bottle of haterade.
Research has found that negative remarks about your body from people in our social circles are a significant trigger for body shaming, with peer pressure accounting for nearly 30% of body shaming cases in studies, and those comments can lead to lasting insecurity and depression, especially when they come from someone you trust.
2. They make you feel like your time isn't valuable
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Is your friend only hanging out with you when it’s convenient for them? Well, I got some bad news for you. That person is screaming "Toxic" by Britney Spears.
A friendship, just like any other relationship, should be two-sided. You cannot and should not be expected to do all the work. If your friend never has time for you, but you constantly see her out at parties that she did not invite you to, it’s not because she is too busy. It’s because she doesn’t care about hanging out with you.
One-sided relationships often leave people feeling resentful and emotionally depleted over time, therapist Terry Gaspard explained. "When someone respects you, they'll keep the agreement they made with you," she explained.
No one should have to earn their place in a friendship by constantly showing up for someone who never shows up for them. Remember: No one is too busy if they truly care for you. You are a wonderful person, and you deserve an attentive friend.
3. A toxic friend makes you feel worse just by being around them
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When you hang out with your friends who value your relationship, you should always feel like you’re in a safe environment. If you don’t feel like you can talk about your personal problems without being shamed, then this is not the friend for you.
A true friend should give you advice lovingly and kindly and always make you feel better, no matter what. Friends who make you feel any of these ways are never worth your time.
Sometimes, it’s hard for us to see something that’s right in front of our eyes. But once we drop all that negativity, it’s amazing how much better it can make us feel.
Toxic friendships can lead to chronic anxiety and social withdrawal, one study found. The relationships that are supposed to make you feel safe and supported shouldn't be the ones leaving you more drained and on edge than before you hung out.
What’s more, dropping these toxic friendships gives us the room to discover new relationships with people who will bring value to our lives. So, drop your toxic friends and find some new people to help you grow and flourish.
Gabriela Mischel is a writer who focuses on friendship, relationships, and self-love. She has been featured in Unwritten, Yourtango, Times of Israel, and more.
