10 Unusual Behaviors The Most Brilliant People Use To Make People Respect Them More
Jelena Zelen | Shutterstock Years of sharing this planet with everyone else can teach important lessons about how you carry yourself, and the way others perceive you. That's especially true when it comes to respect, and whether or not your fellow humans view you as respectable.
Now, not all human behavior makes a whole lot of sense, but there are certain habits that will draw people into you, and begin seeing you in a new, positive light.
10 unusual behaviors the most brilliant people use to make people respect them more
1. Sharing something you dislike about yourself
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We're all terrified of being considered weird by the crowd and judged, so most of us put energy into appearing wonderful, flawless, and virtuous. We share our good news, we reply, "Good!" anytime someone asks how we're doing, even when we're feeling pretty crummy.
The problem is, only wanting to talk about our positive traits isn't a way to earn respect. In fact, it may make people suspicious of our authenticity. As reported by Berkeley's Exec Education program, authenticity has many benefits including increased dedication to your passions and pursuits, greater leadership influence, richer relationships, and more.
In order to be gain more authentic respect from others, try going against the grain and reveal something you dislike about yourself. It immediately makes you stand out and shows something cool: you're human. And that's incredibly relatable. After all, nobody wants to surround themselves with perfect beings. That's not not human connection, it's an Abercrombie photo shoot where beautiful people pretend to be friends.
2. Smiling less
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It's possible that humans smile too much. That doesn't mean we're too happy, in fact it's just the opposite. We're likely smiling inauthentically too often in order to get people to like us. But brilliant people are able to make people respect them more by showing their sincere expressions.
After all, intelligent people can sense insincere grins and aren't too fond of fakeness. Even those among us who are merely average can tell when someone's smile is fake, according to research.
While there are benefits to smiling even when you aren't feeling very smile-y, if you smile at everything, it takes the power out of your expressions. But if you're more selective about when you smile, it can show discernment, a thoughtful mind, and authenticity.
3. Repeating their words
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Most people want to connect with others, whether they're at work or with friends and family. We want someone to share our problems with, go to for advice, and to help us celebrate our wins.
Few people, however, take a moment to turn it around and help people feel heard. That's why the most brilliant people often make others respect them more by using simple active listening skills. Not only do active listening skills help people see you as a good, kind person, they also make you seem intelligent, which is a respect-worthy trait.
A powerful way to do this is to repeat back some of what people say. Even better? Try reflective listening along with asking clarifying questions, as modeled by Dr. Harville Hendrix's IMAGO method.
Try something like this, while talking to a frustrated colleague:
"It sounds like you're having a hard time with this project and you wish you could just quit, does that feel right?"
When used in place of a simple, "Yeah, that really stinks" when someone is struggling, this shows empathy and also lets them know that you aren't just listening, you also want to understand.
4. Making someone uncomfortable
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Making someone uncomfortable doesn't mean being rude or contrary just to get a rise out of them. Rather, it means broaching topics of conversation few dare traverse. It also means standing up for what's right, staying true to your values, even when it's unpopular.
If you can move to your edges and get closer to the truth, instead of being evasive around sensitive issues all the time, people will be attracted to your courage. And by seeing you as courageous, you will be more respected.
This isn't just speculation, research supports the fact that people are more likely to respect leaders who stay true to their values. These leaders are less likely to be reactive when frustrated or irritated, which allows people to feel safe trusting them and relying on them.
5. Staying focused
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As we've already explained, active listeners are more likely to make people respect them, and one key element of being a good listener is staying focused. After all, it's becoming increasingly rare to find someone who isn't distracted and fidgety when in conversation!
In order to make people respect you more, be different. Turn off your phone and give your full, present attention. Do it to put others at ease, if not to just be polite.
Brilliant people know that staying focused is about so much more than just being attentive during conversations. It's also about remaining focused on your tasks, on behaviors that reflect your values, and even on your goals. They'll sense your authentic drive and respect you all the more for it.
6. Using physical touch
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Not all communication needs to be verbal. Certainly, understanding body language is crucial for strengthening bonds and appearing more respectable to others.
Appropriate and intermittent physical touch brings a new dynamic that can take your interaction from pleasant to unforgettable. Of course, brilliant people understand that this requires paying close attention to how the other person reacts to your casual touch. Do they move back? Do they almost imperceptibly frown? Or do they smile and lean in when you do this?
After all, in order to gain respect, you need to show respect.
7. Rarely talking about yourself
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To come across as refreshing, stop telling people about your woes and achievements, and ask them a question instead. Refrain from talking about yourself as much as possible, and steer the conversation elsewhere.
Give others sincere compliments occasionally. Because by showing interest in other people, they will be more interested in you.
8. Being unavailable
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You don't always need to be there or respond to a text instantly. Instead, you can take a beat, finish doing what you're doing, and then come back to the conversation later.
When you demonstrate constant availability, you indicate lower status and value. That's because the more scarce anything is, the higher its perceived value. This applies to rare diamonds, just as it does to you.
Not only does this make you stand out among others who are constantly on their phones or multi-tasking, it allows you to take a moment to think about what you might say or do next. This shows wisdom, and wisdom is a respect-worthy trait.
9. Coming off a little unfriendly
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In a world where almost everyone is trying to be extra nice, you can, instead, bring a whole new dynamic. This means you can (occasionally) let go of this need to be a people-pleaser. You'll be seen as more genuine and will earn the respect of everyone around you.
By being unfriendly, it doesn't equate to being mean or rude. Rather, it means being a little cocky and showing your pride. Tease people after you've gotten to know them a little, and be occasionally brutally honest if it serves.
If you keep respect at the forefront of your goals, that intention will come through and make people respect you more.
10. Being weird
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If there was one way to have people respect you, it's to follow your weirdness. Be unique in authentic ways.
This doesn't mean being a walking gimmick try-hard; instead, it means leaning into those aspects of yourself that come naturally, but can be repressed to appease your fear of not fitting in. Your quirky, fun-loving behavior, for example.
Hide less and show more. You may polarize or lose some people, but you'll have the real ones who admire you for life. As Harvard Business Review writes, the best leaders aren't afraid to be vulnerable.
Alex Mathers is a coach, writer, and illustrator whose work focuses on mental health, confidence, growing a business, and impactful writing. He has worked with the BBC, Wired Magazine, Medium, and Google, among others.
