The Art Of Flying Solo: 7 Simple Habits Of Blissfully Happy Single People
Who says happiness has to come with a plus-one?
Manuel Figueroa | Unsplash Producers of The Bachelor don't want you to know this. Dating coaches won't admit it. And even some of your friends might raise an eyebrow if you said it out loud — but it's true: plenty of single people are living happy, meaningful, and wildly fulfilling lives. They aren't pining for "The One" or crying into their wine. They're living fully, joyfully, and unapologetically single — whether that's for a season or a lifetime.
After studying single people for over a decade, I've found that the happiest and most self-assured singles have one thing in common: they truly know themselves. They're confident in who they are, even while navigating a culture obsessed with weddings and "finding your person." They understand that you can live a deeply rewarding life without putting romance at the center of it. Sure, it's easy to follow the traditional path — find your soulmate, build your life around them — but what if you chose a different route? Here are 7 simple habits that blissfully happy single people practice every day.
Here are 7 simple habits of blissfully happy single people:
1. They pay attention to what they actually want
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That's an important step toward knowing yourself. Take, for example, the issue of "finding someone." Do you tell yourself and others that you are interested in finding The One — yet, somehow, taking specific steps to do so seems to rank somewhere below cleaning out your sock drawer and deleting old emails?
Maybe you just think you should "find someone" because our culture is teeming with such messages, but it's not really what you want to do. Maybe not now. Maybe not ever. Know yourself. Then honor your sense of what kind of life is the best life for you.
2. They define who's "special" for themselves
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Maybe they have one special person in their life, but that person is a close friend or a sibling and not a romantic partner. Or perhaps they have a whole convoy of important people in their lives, including friends and relatives, mentors and neighbors.
3. They understand that some people are just single at heart
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No matter how special that person may be. Some people are "single at heart." As I've explained in my own research, the risk isn't what we would miss if we didn't put a romantic partner at the center of our lives; it's what we would miss if we did. We wouldn't get to be who we really are.
4. They balance solitude and connection in their own way
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The preferred mix of solitude and sociability is different for different people. If they crave plenty of time alone, they give themselves the gift of solitude. If they like lots of time with other people, they create a life filled with togetherness. They know whether they like being self-sufficient. And if they do, they go ahead and deal with things and make decisions, mostly on their own.
A study of more than 100 Americans who were over 40 and had been single all their lives found that self-sufficiency was linked to their well-being. The more self-sufficient they were, the less likely they were to experience negative feelings. For married people, it was the opposite: The more they liked dealing with things on their own, the more likely they were to experience negative feelings.
Self-sufficiency does not necessarily imply a lack of interest in different perspectives or opinions. Instead, I think it means that after considering whatever input you find valuable, you ultimately make the decision that feels right to you.
5. They embrace being "single at heart" as a strength
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Through surveys of more than 20,000 people from over 100 countries, as well as in-depth interviews, I've discovered something that challenges everything our culture tells us about happiness and fulfillment: Being single at heart isn't a phase we're going through or a defense mechanism we've developed.
People who are single at heart live their best lives, their most meaningful lives, and their most authentic lives as single people.
6. They're realistic about what marriage can and can't do
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They do not expect marriage to transform them into something they are not. Studies that have followed the same people over many years of their lives, as they stay single or get married, have produced some remarkable, myth-busting results.
For example, 18 long-term studies have shown that getting married does not make people lastingly happier or more satisfied with their lives than they were before. Sometimes there is a honeymoon effect — when you first get married, you feel better about your life than you did before.
But that feeling dissipates, and eventually, people feel about the same as they did when they were single. A study of American marriages found that people who had been married more than three years were not any happier, they were not any less depressed, they were not healthier, and they had no higher self-esteem than when they were single.
7. They know that single life often gets better with age
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And here's what that is: For many people, single life gets even better with age. By studying the stereotypes of single people, my colleagues and I learned that most of society tends to think that single people are not very happy. As they get older, they become even more miserable.
In fact, though, many single people become more secure about their lives over time, and they are less buffeted about by the opinions of other people. They may not even think all that much about being single; they are too busy living their lives.
Bella DePaulo, PhD., is the author of Singled Out and has written the “Living Single” blog for Psychology Today since 2008; and has been published by the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time magazine, The Atlantic, and many other outlets.
