5 Thoughtful Questions To Ask A Man To Uncover His True, Unfiltered Character

How can you get to know a man and his true character? Research published in the Journal of Psychological Science looked at the benefits of taking part in a thoughtful discussion as opposed to small talk. The results showed that the most thoughtful talkers had twice as many meaningful conversations as the small talkers.

Matthias Mehl, who headed the study, explained that people are social animals who instinctively feel the urge to bond with others. So, having a deep discussion with someone about themselves and what's important to them helps you bond better than engaging in meaningless chatter. So, how do you start profound conversations without making small talk first?

Here are thoughtful questions to ask a man to uncover his true, unfiltered character:

1. 'How would you explain your life story?'

Thoughtful woman uncovers man's life story GaudiLab via Shutterstock

This is the best way to start a conversation that will take on a more meaningful tone. Sometimes you’ll get an instant, amazing answer, which can help the conversation take some interesting twists and turns. Others have trouble getting started, so you’ll have to give them a lift here and there.

If you see that they are uncertain and preventing themselves from really expressing their story, you can help them by asking more questions to give them places to start from.

2. 'What are you passionate about?'

Thoughtful women listen to man uncover true passion JLco Julia Amaral via Shutterstock

This is a way to get people talking quickly without going to any great lengths. People usually perk up a lot when you ask them about their interests. If you can see that spark of passion in their eyes, you’ve got a great chance of having a wonderful conversation.

A 2017 study of personality and social psychology found, "people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners. When people are instructed to ask more questions, they are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care."

3. 'How would someone who knows you well describe you?'

Thoughtful woman listens to man uncover character description fizkes via Shutterstock

This is a question with many possible answers, and it allows them to think about what they are. You might get some very heartfelt, genuine answers to this one, so sit back and take the opportunity to pay attention to them.

2023 research explained, Listening and being responsive to another's turns at disclosure are essential processes that occur at all stages of a relationship, including and perhaps particularly at the formation stage."

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4. 'What gives your life the most meaning?'

Thoughtful couple uncover true meaning of life Prostock-studio via Shutterstock

This will help them introspect on what makes them feel genuinely joyful. We always love to talk about the things that make us smile.

It’s easier to open up with questions like this one. So it may lead to an interesting and funny conversation. And never judge what it is. Remember, this is a topic very important to them.

5. 'What do you wish you could tell people more often?'

Thoughtful woman uncovers what man tells other people Irene Miller via Shutterstock

We all have that one really entertaining story from our own lives that we're always ready to narrate at parties or given any other opportunities. Of course, they might tell you they don’t have a story. This is perfectly okay, but you never know. If you probe a little, they might discover the one they hadn't thought about until right then.

And even if they can’t come up with something, you can always move back to any of the other four questions above.

In this world of endless, senseless chatter, it has become hard to uncover someone's true, unfiltered character — their true personality traits and how to communicate with them on a thoughtful level, even when it's a guy you're dating or already involved in a romantic relationship.

Most of us wind up stuck in small talk about the weather and traffic, which leads many of us to struggle while getting to know the true self of a person we could see ourselves falling in love with.

Mykh Goldstein is a writer, artist, blogger, and former contributor to The Mind's Journal.