11 Things You Should Make Sure To Keep Private If You Want People To Respect You
These things need to be kept between you and you, because people are listening and they are judging.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Some of us, including me, have sabotaged ourselves at one point or another by oversharing. We blurted out private information about our lives to people we thought we could trust and others whom we should have known we could not. Once the words left our mouths, they were open to interpretation and harsh judgment, and there were times when they resulted in a loss of respect for us.
Respect is not just something you earn through your actions. It is impacted by whether or not you have discretion. In an age where everything is publicized on social media, maintaining a sense of privacy can give you a quiet power that many don't possess. Openness has a place, but some things should be kept private to preserve dignity, trust, and assert boundaries. We won't list every little thing you should keep to yourself, but by holding these topics close to the vest, you'll save yourself some embarrassment.
Here are 11 things you should make sure you keep private if you want people to respect you
1. Your finances
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Whether you are struggling or thriving financially, you should keep it to yourself. Sharing too much about your income, investments, or accumulated savings can create awkwardness or jealousy. People will either feel pity or judge you because you are broke, or they will start counting your pockets and file you in the back of their mind as a financial resource should they hit a rough patch.
Financial matters are personal and require modesty. How you are doing with money is no one else's business. People will make assumptions about you based on your lack of wealth. They might see you as inferior or low budget and even exclude you from things they think you can't afford. When you brag or flash your riches, you will be seen as superficial, and you inadvertently attach how much money you have to your personal wealth, and they will treat you as such.
2. Your love life
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Love is such an emotional thing. It permeates every aspect of your life and can even influence how you feel on a moment-to-moment basis. It's totally natural to want to sing it from the rooftops when you find it, but you must be careful. I learned a hard lesson when I allowed a man I was dating to post a picture of me on his social media. The scrutiny, phone calls, questions, and commentary made me super anxious. When I found out I didn't really like him, I had to scrub him from everything as if he never existed and field inquiries about what happened.
Sharing your relationship struggles is not a good thing either. People might empathize, but they will also develop a dislike for your partner that won't go away because you all make up. They will also judge you for forgiving whatever transgression has occurred. Healthy relationships are about trust and privacy. Sharing intimate details is disrespectful and immature. Keep your love life sacred if you want to protect it.
3. Your next big move
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They say you should never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. That means that plans should be kept private until they are brought to fruition. Dreams, goals, and ambitions should be protected by silence until they are realized. You never know how other people will react to what you are working toward. They might feel as if you are doing something they cannot and become envious, or share your plans with someone you don't want to know about them.
Broadcasting your next big move before it happens invites opinions that you never asked for and that can create doubt in your mind. People could become jealous and send you bad energy, or even do things that might sabotage your goals. The best thing to do is let your results speak louder than your intentions. Nobody really cares what you intend to do. They care about what you have already done.
4. Your family's private struggles
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There is nothing worse than finding out that someone has shared your personal family history after you used them as a sounding board. We all vent to someone we trust about our family struggles, but airing our dirty laundry could have dire consequences. We know our relatives inside and out, but others only know what we tell them. You can easily create a negative impression that will be impossible to retract.
My mom says that "Any dog who will bring a bone will carry a bone." If someone gossips to you, they will likely gossip about you. Oversharing about your family and their dysfunction will ruin your credibility because people will assume that if you talk about the people you love in such a reckless way, nobody is safe. Protect your family's dignity, even when they make you angry. That is how you exhibit emotional maturity and unconditional respect.
5. Your acts of kindness
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People who are truly kind do nice things without needing to publicize them are receive applause. Bragging about how generous you are makes your actions seem much less authentic. Instead of really caring and giving in a selfless manner, people will assume you are chasing clout and trying to cultivate a glowing public image, and they will not respect that.
True compassion and generosity don't look for credit and recognition. You do the right thing even when no one is looking. You don't embarrass people by announcing that they were in a bad spot and you bailed them out. When you do good things without looking for admiration, people see you as humble and sincere, and that's something they have the ultimate respect for.
6. Your spiritual or religious beliefs
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Two things that are very likely to cause a strong debate are religion and politics. They are both deeply personal and subjective, so everyone will have small nuances in how they see things. That's why, when it comes to your faith, it's best kept private. It's fine to share beliefs, but pushing your religious or spiritual views on others will undoubtedly cause them to lose respect for you. Some will have conflicting views and be willing to go back and forth about it.
Referencing your religion or spirituality can make other people feel uncomfortable. In your mind, you need them to understand and accept your point of view, but from their perspective, you are unhinged and abrasive. If you really want to show others how dedicated you are to what you believe in, quiet conviction will leave a deeper impression than spiritual bullying.
7. Your political beliefs
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Like religion or spirituality, politics is a very sensitive subject. Many people feel so strongly about theirs that any opposing views are addressed with total disrespect. What we believe in politically can be a matter of life and death, so it's no surprise that sharing your views in a setting where others may not align is not a good idea.
While being politically aware is very important, constantly sharing your views and going up against others in every setting you enter can seem confrontational and divisive. Your ideals and values should be super strong, but that does not mean you should not show discretion when sharing them or respect others' perspectives. There are some beliefs that you simply cannot get on board with, and that's okay. It's best to move on and put your efforts into making a change instead of talking.
8. Your past mistakes
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Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully, we grow and learn from them and do better in the future. Once you have learned the lesson and made amends, it's rarely necessary to share your previous failures. Some will empathize and see you as an overcomer, while others will lose respect for you because of it. Being transparent is important and builds trust, but it can also bring on unwanted judgment and disrespect.
A friend once shared that she had poured her heart out to her man about how terribly her previous partner had treated her. He seemingly empathized and promised to never treat her that way. Then he did. And when she confronted him, he minimized it because, in his eyes, she had been through much worse and forgiven. Sometimes, you have changed, but people will try and put you in the box you used to be in.
9. Your beefs with other people
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Everyone has a conflict with someone else here and there. But dragging others into your interpersonal drama is never a good idea. It can make you seem messy and untrustworthy. In addition, they might be playing both sides against the middle and taking everything you said back to the other person. It's best to walk away from drama and contention with your head held high and your mouth shut.
Venting should only happen in appropriate and private places around people who have a track record of having your back. It should never be done in a group chat or on social media. Staying above the fray will command respect from people and show the world that you can be the bigger person.
10. Your health concerns or other people's
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Your health is private unless you are talking to people who truly care about you and are invested in your well-being. Hearing bad news about your medical or mental condition can be exhausting for others, and they might start to see you as a person in the midst of an epic pity party. There are some things that only a medical provider or a counselor should know about you, not every casual person you meet.
Even worse than sharing your own health concerns is talking about other people's. It's so disrespectful and a severe violation of privacy to share someone else's business that was given to you in confidence. If you really want to help them, you should keep their affairs to yourself. If you found someone you believe can be helpful, ask permission before sharing anything they've told you.
11. Your self-doubt
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It's normal for us to have a tinge of self-doubt here and there. But for some people, your lack of esteem is like a t-shirt that says victim on it. They are like a shark in the water, and they smell blood. Your insecurity made them stop respecting you and start seeing you as someone who can be manipulated and influenced. Imposter syndrome or a lack of belief in yourself are not things everyone needs to be aware of.
Sharing your insecurities openly and frequently can make others question your confidence and reliability. Because you're not sure of yourself, neither are they. Speak highly of yourself in public and build yourself up in private.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
