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He sees your forehead with "Hot Mess" written all over it.
By Laura Lifshitz — Written on May 04, 2022
You may wonder why you keep getting ghosted after a few dates.
Maybe it's not that you can't start a relationship, but that you find that you can't sustain a relationship. To you, it must be that the "guys" are the ones with the problems, and of course, it takes two to tango.
But it may be that you're really a mess and don't even realize it.
You may be doing things that signal to your potential partners and partners that you're a hot mess. You may not even be "so messy" but may instead have learned bad relationships and life habits. Or, perhaps, you are truly a trainwreck in heels.
Whatever the case may be, you're signaling to guys that you are a bloody hot mess.
10 Things You (Unknowingly) Do That Make Men Think You're A Hot Mess
1. You cancel and reschedule.
Can't get a grip on your schedule? If you're constantly scheduling dates and then canceling, only to reschedule, your dates think you are a hot mess and a big fat flake. To you, it's just that life is hectic or you're juggling a lot; to him, it's that you can't get your act together.
2. You break up and make up with your friends.
Are you always on the "outs" with friends? To guys, that signals a lot of drama that quite frankly they don't want to hear about. Of course, we ladies do have our squabbles, but if a guy looks at your friends list and sees that you don't have many friends or that you're fighting daily with them — or worse, you're friends with other women who bring on the drama — he'll think you're a hot mess with a capital M.
3. You don't know how to communicate.
If you're that woman whose texting habits range from constant to distant, you're giving guys the impression that you're not really into them and you're clearly playing him and other men. Messy, messy, and messy.
4. It's either your way or no way.
Are you very adamant about the relationship playing out only as you would like it to be? Do you dictate the way everything runs from where he sees you, when he sees you, how he sees you, and then some?
You don't only come off as rigid, but you also come off as a mess. Only an unstable person would refuse to compromise in a relationship.
5. You impulse shop.
You can't keep a dollar in your pocket to save your life, and even when you're broke you're somehow spending like there's no tomorrow — and on the most frivolous of things. You complain about paying rent and then go out and buy a new outfit "just because."
6. You drink in excess.
It's cute when you drunk text him the first time, but the second time? This is a sign you're a hot mess. He's also wondering whom else you drunk text and how much you drink.
It's even worse when he takes you out and you drink so much that he has to bring you home. I'm sorry, girl, but guys really don't want to take care of you in that way. You look like a big mess.
7. You are slow to forgive.
You two get in a fight and he apologizes and you accept that apology. But then, you act like the Cold War is upon the two of you. You're distant. You're chilly. You accept the apology, but really you haven't.
You act passive-aggressively. You throw the incident in his face constantly. Even if it's something worth being mad about, when you accept the apology you have to let it go to some degree. When you are not capable of doing so, you look like an emotional mess.
8. You get into catfights.
When you get into a fight or, perhaps, catch a nasty look from a girl at the bar, when you pitch a catfight, your potential dude or boyfriend is ready to run. Men don't like drama, so when you decide to make the drama loud and public, he runs — not walks — away from you.
9. You don't get along with your family.
Do you ever get along with your family? Even for a minute? If you genuinely have a rough family, a man will understand, but if you are constantly at war with them and don't know how to disengage from their drama, he doesn't like it. It's a sign you're a hot mess and are incapable of protecting yourself from toxic people.
10. You're always losing things.
Do you have a problem with losing things? Are you always "on the hunt" for some item you can't place? Do you tend to be disorganized? Your literal mess lets him know that on the inside, you are a mess.
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Laura Lifshitz is a pint-sized, battery-operated, tour de force of wit and neuroticism. A comedienne, writer, Columbia University graduate & ex- MTV personality, Laura will work for self-validation and chocolate.