10 Things Shiny, Happy People Do That Unhappy People Don't
Happy people just do life differently.
Svitlana Sokolova | Shutterstock How happy and shiny are you, and why? This is a question I spend a fair amount of time thinking about, not only as it applies to my levels of happiness, but also as it applies to my family, friends, and the people I work with.
Since graduating with my master’s degree in positive psychology, I’ve worked with and observed thousands of people in a wide variety of settings. The shiniest, happiest people just flow with the groove of life uniquely.
Here are ten things shiny, happy people do that unhappy people don't:
1. Bbuild a strong social fabric
Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock
Happy people stay connected to their families, neighbors, places of worship, and communities. These strong relationships act as a buffer to depression and create strong, meaningful connections. Research from Gallup News showed how the rate of depression has increased dramatically, so having good community relationships is vital to emotional well-being.
"Social connection is a critical factor for mental and physical health. The availability and diversity of social relationships, interactions, and networks are critical for well‐being. Social connections relate to shifts in important societal outcomes such as mental disorders and physical diseases," found 2024 research.
2. Engage in activities that fit their strengths and values
Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock
One size does not fit all when it comes to happiness strategies. You need to tailor your workout to your specific goals. Happy people do the same thing with their emotional goals.
Some strategies known to promote happiness are just too corny for some people, yet other strategies work better for them to practice acts of kindness, express gratitude, and become fully engaged.
3. Practice gratitude
Kandybka Alina via Shutterstock
Gratitude does the body good. It helps you cope with trauma and stress, increases self-worth and self-esteem when you realize how much you’ve accomplished, and often helps dissolve negative emotions.
An appreciative disposition improves mood and enhances subjective well-being, claims a study in Social Behavior and Personality. The study explained how our sense of well-being, physically and emotionally, is moderated by gratitude.
4. Think positively
Chay_Tee via Shutterstock
Shiny, happy people reign in their pessimistic thinking in three ways:
- They focus their time and energy on where they have control. They know when to move on if certain strategies aren’t working or if they don’t have control in a specific area.
- They know that “this too shall pass.” Happy people “embrace the suck” and understand that while the ride might be bumpy at times, it won’t last forever.
- They are good at compartmentalizing. They don’t let an adversity in one area of their life seep over into other areas of their life.
5. Volunteer their time
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Happy people help others by volunteering their time. Research from The International Journal of Behavioral Medicine found a strong association between helping behavior and well-being, health, and longevity. Acts of kindness help you feel good about yourself and others, and the resulting positive emotions enhance your psychological and physical resilience.
One study from 2013 followed people who had Multiple Sclerosis who volunteered as peer supporters for other MS patients. The results showed that some peer support volunteers experienced positive changes larger than the benefits shown by the patients they supported.
6. Value experiences over things
fizkes via Shutterstock
Happy people have a healthy perspective about how much joy material possessions will bring. In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. explains that in 1940, Americans reported being “very happy” with an average score of 7.5 out of 10. Fast forward to today, and with all of our iPods, color TVs, computers, fast cars, and an income that has more than doubled, what do you think our average happiness score is today? It’s 7.2.
Not only does materialism not bring happiness, but it‘s also a strong predictor of unhappiness. One study examined the attitudes of 12,000 freshman when they were eighteen, then measured their life satisfaction at age thirty-seven. Those who had expressed materialistic aspirations as freshmen were less satisfied with their lives two decades later.
7. Develop healthy coping strategies
View Apart via Shutterstock
Happy people encounter stressful life adversities, but they have developed successful coping strategies. Posttraumatic growth is the positive personal changes that result from an individual’s struggle to deal with highly challenging life events, and it occurs in a wide range of people facing a wide variety of challenging circumstances.
A study from the American Psychological Association showed there are five factors or areas of growth after a challenging event: renewed appreciation for life, recognizing new paths for your life, enhanced personal strength, improved relationships with others, and spiritual growth. Happy people become skilled at seeing the good that might come from challenging times.
8. Nurture their body and mind
SeventyFour via Shutterstock
Happy people take care of their mind and body and manage their stress. Focusing on your health, though, doesn’t just mean exercising.
A 2019 study suggested that the factors linking happiness with health "include lifestyle factors, such as physical activity and dietary choice." Happy people behave like happy people. They smile, engage with the world, and bring an optimal level of energy and enthusiasm to what they do.
9. Grow in their spirituality
Renko Aleks via Shutterstock
According to Lyubomirsky, there is a growing body of science suggesting that religious people are happier, healthier, and recover more quickly from trauma than nonreligious people.
In Happiness: Unlocking The Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener explained that spiritual emotions are essential to psychological wealth and happiness because they help us connect to something larger than ourselves.
10. Have direction and purpose
Ground Picture via Shutterstock
Working toward meaningful life goals is one of the most important strategies happy people utilize. I downplayed the importance of meaning during my law practice, but it became evident how much meaning mattered in my life when I burned out. Happy people have values that they care about and outcomes that are worth working for.
The late Dr. Chris Peterson talked about his journey with happiness as follows: “I spent my young adult years postponing many of the small things that I knew would make me happy. I was fortunate enough to realize that I would never have the time unless I made the time. And then the rest of my life began.”
Happy people have developed a specific set of strategies over time that causes them to see life differently — a balanced portfolio of skills and emotions.
Paula Davis-Laack, JD, MAPP, is a lawyer turned writer and stress and resilience expert who helps high-achieving women manage stress and increase well-being by mastering a set of skills proven to enhance resilience, build mental toughness, and promote strong relationships.
