6 Things An Emotionally Normal Man Never Does

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If you take a look online, the picture you’ll get of modern men is not a happy one. Men are lonelier than ever before, and male deaths of despair are higher than they’ve ever been.

Unfortunately, that’s not the end of men’s problems, especially not when it comes to women.

In the past, being emotionally unwell usually would be overlooked.

These days? Not so much. It’s too much of a risk and women are no longer willing to be rehab centers for men.

Women generally do not want to date a man who’s emotionally unhealthy.

This is primarily because dating when you’re emotionally messed up decreases your ability to be a decent partner. There is also a higher risk of abuse that comes with it.

Having a mental illness doesn’t always mean that you’re emotionally unwell — at least, not in the sense I want to convey. A person with mental illness can still do their best to process their emotions in a healthy way and seek help.

An emotionally unwell person is often too distressed to function properly. They may be more aggressive, withdrawn, paranoid, or depressed to be able to be a good partner.

They may have a mental illness, but they either make no effort at managing it, deny it exists, or can’t handle it. Make sense?

An emotionally healthy man is a good partner, friend, and business colleague. He’s also the type of guy that women truly dream about. But, how can you tell if you are that dude?

Let’s talk about what emotionally healthy men never do and what makes it a sign of someone’s emotional health.

RELATED: 4 Key Principles To Strengthening Your Emotional Health

Here are 6 things an emotionally normal man never does:

1. They don’t stop taking care of themselves in every arena

An emotionally healthy man makes a point of hitting the gym (or at least walking). He also will work on his career, talk to his friends, brush his teeth, and clean his home.

He’ll do it all on his own. He might even be in a support group or have a therapist.

An emotionally unwell person will often stop caring for themselves, especially when it comes to their appearance, their home, or their mental well-being.

Or worse, they may actually try to foist the responsibility of their wellness onto people around them.

2. They do not spend hours hate-scrolling, hurting others, or making hateful remarks online

Reddit is a cesspit of emotionally unwell and potentially dangerous men.

Do you know how I can tell? They go out of their way to post hateful content towards women online or try to disparage women from talking about legit concerns they have.

A man whose hate goes unchecked to the point that he can’t hold it in is not an emotionally healthy man. A man who actively feeds the hate he has in his heart is not a healthy man in any capacity. A man who is threatened by women having equal rights to them is not emotionally well.

If you’re emotionally healthy, including others to "sit at the table" with you is not going to make you feel angry or threatened.

An emotionally well man is a man who believes in equal rights and consent — simply because he knows that he’s not losing anything by having more equals.

They don’t resent women who don’t show interest in them. They understand that rejection doesn’t always mean something personal. Sometimes it’s just not the right time or something just doesn’t click.

Emotionally healthy people have empathy. If you are too hateful, you lack empathy for others. This is one of the main reasons why women want an emotionally healthy man.

3. They do not chase after people who reject them or treat them cruelly

Did you ever see a person who doesn’t respect those who treat them well, but will do anything for people who reject them? This is not the behavior of an emotionally healthy person.

While this can be chalked up to trauma bonds and more, the truth is that it’s something that tends to stop the healthier you get. (Go ahead, ask me how I know this. I was this person!)

When you’re emotionally healthy, you may still feel hurt and rejected. However, you tend to take a hint and not try hard to impress people who don’t give a d*** about you.

You start going, "Okay, these guys are a**holes. I’m out."

RELATED: 13 Signs You're With An Emotionally Intelligent Man

4. They don’t lash out in anger or overreact

Part of what makes emotionally healthy men so attractive is the fact that women don’t feel like they’re ticking time bombs.

When you’re emotionally unhealthy, you’re prone to overreacting.

Those guys who flip out when a girl doesn’t answer in a timely manner, stalk women who haven’t replied, or freak out when someone cuts them off in traffic are not emotionally well.

This is the kind of unhealthy behavior that truly scares people and repels them away permanently.

If this sounds like you, it’s best to confront that rage you feel. This is a struggle that only you can face — and while it’s not easy, it will help you.

5. They do not mention how happy, wealthy, and "top tier" they are

Okay, so I used to do this a lot, especially when I was being hurt by people I had to deal with. I know how tempting it is to be like, "YO! I AM SO COOL! LOOK AT THIS! I AM SO HAPPY!"

I also know that when you finally get past a certain income level or get a certain goal you want (such as acceptance), you want to tell everyone about it. Like, you may not stop talking about it for months or years.

So this phenomenon is not 100 percent accurate, but it’s still like 90 percent accurate. For most people, there is a lot of truth to this proverb: "Any man who must say 'I am king' is no true king."

What this means is that the loudest person in the room is usually faking it. They often are the precise opposite of what they claim to be, and more importantly, they know it — either consciously or unconsciously.

People who mention that they are "the top percent" of dates are generally not good dates. They can’t get a**.

The same can be said of people who flash tons of cash, or who sleep with everything nearby.

This is overcompensation, and something is seriously bothering them underneath all that gloating.

RELATED: If He Engages In These 12 Behaviors, You're Being Emotionally Abused

6. They don’t push their personal responsibilities on others, and they do take accountability for what they did

A man who is emotionally healthy will own up to their bad behavior. This is also true for all other genders.

Why? Because they realize when they messed up and recognize that it’s up to them to fix things.

There is a lot of strength and power in actually taking responsibility for what you do, especially when it means you work on being a better person. It actively contributes to your emotional well-being and confidence.

Most men who are emotionally unwell will blame anyone but themselves for their misfortunes. For example:

  • "Women only date the top 20 percent of men. Women better lower their standards. It’s not fair! I was born ugly and that’s why they hate me!"
  • "If that stupid secretary wouldn’t have told her boss I was creepy, I would have gotten the job."
  • "That jock Chad took my job! He just got that engineering job because he’s a Chad!"

A victim mentality is a great way to rot your soul. Don’t be that dude.

At the end of the day, it’s up to us to try to do better and be better. If you’re not making an effort, you won’t be emotionally healthy any time soon.

RELATED: 21 Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Relationships

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others. 

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.