Men With These 9 Rare Traits Are Wildly Intriguing To Women, According To Psychology
There's something about these traits that women can't quite explain, and that's why they're so alluring.
Rido | Canva I find lately that any time I write an article outlining how men "should" or "shouldn’t" act in a relationship, or share signs of a good man or a good boyfriend/husband, I get backlash. Too many people believe men do not realistically act in these ways.
But they're wrong. Good men do act in these ways. If you feel a need to justify unhealthy or bad behavior because "he's a man," then you're not dating a good man. Research indicated that cognitive dissonance can help explain this tendency to justify others' actions.
There are ways to tell if a guy you're interested in will treat you well, be a good partner, and grow alongside you throughout your relationship. To help, I've made a list of things a good man will never do.
Men with these rare traits are wildly intriguing to women, according to psychology:
1. He validates your appearance
"Oh, if only your hair were a little longer." "If only you lost those couple of extra pounds." "If you would only wear more makeup."
A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that's demeaning to you or makes you feel bad about yourself. If he is doing this, he's purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won't feel confident enough to leave him.
It's his way of trying to control you, and it's emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
2. He respects your privacy
Miguel Lifestyle / Shutterstock
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, Facebook messages, whatever — but that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open.
Someone who does this is showing a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
Of course, this advice assumes you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betray his trust. If you have, and he's snooping, you have a more complicated problem on your hands. If that's the case, a visit to a couples counselor is probably aa good idea to help you move forward in a healthy way.
One study argues that this is related to the concept of mate choice copying, where women may be drawn to men who have already been deemed worthy partners by other individuals. Respecting boundaries, including respecting personal space and privacy, is a sign of maturity and a healthy relationship, which can be a desirable trait.
3. He encourages you
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him and will never be discouraging or insulting.
One sign of a good man is his willingness to help or support you when you want to dive into your dreams. Will he pick up a paintbrush or a calculator to help? Or even just cook you dinner after a busy day pursuing your dreams? These things are serious signs of a good man who wants you to be happy.
4. He recognizes your value
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
Research indicates that a woman's perception of her desirability and her level of interpersonal trust can influence her attraction to men. Women with high levels of both desirability and trust may be less likely to show a bias away from men perceived as high-value in the mating market.
5. He never makes you feel like an afterthought
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it's certainly a large part of it. You should be a top priority in a guy's life.
I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for "guy’s night" or something similar. A man should have a network and individuality, sure.
But there is a difference between leading an active social life and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list. If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
6. He makes you feel like part of a team
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you're with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them.
What I’m referring to here is someone who is simply apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you, because that's how to know if he's a good man.
Research suggests that long-term attraction and healthy relationships are more likely to be built on qualities like emotional availability, good communication, and shared values. Feelings of loneliness can result from poor communication and relationship skills.
7. He's faithful to you
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not "natural" and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship.
And even if you chose an alternative to monogamy, he'd still need to stick to his word and commitments and the boundaries you set together. Violating those boundaries is a form of cheating, too.
There is nothing physical binding two people together; just a decision. A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
8. He respects you
Easy, simple, basic, but often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him, including you. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, "a man of quality is not afraid of equality."
A fundamental aspect of attraction is how a man treats a woman. Studies have shown that women are drawn to men who display altruistic behaviors, such as helping others or being considerate.
9. He talks about the hard stuff
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced.
The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse. There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether — the important thing is to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.
Research suggests that certain personality traits and behaviors are desirable in partners. These traits often overlap with qualities commonly found in non-abusive relationships. These include kindness, supportiveness, intelligence, empathy, and a sense of humor.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
