11 Things Brilliant Empaths Often Learn Too Late In Life
It can be hard for empaths to see a clear difference between their own feelings and those of others.
Dodokat | Shutterstock Being an empath is a superpower, but it can also be exhausting. Empaths have unique insight into others’ emotions and are able to feel and understand them themselves, which creates tight connections and fosters deeper compassion. However, this also means that empaths quite literally feel everything and, as people learn about their skills, they will seek them out more and more, making it even harder for them to feel at peace.
According to psychology professor Teyhou Smyth, there are several disadvantages that come with being an empath. Because of their intuitive nature, it’s easy for them to experience burnout or even struggle with emotional exhaustion. It’s also easy to become a problem-solver and handle everyone else’s issues for them. And, of course, they can be easily deceived and manipulated. These are just a few of the things brilliant empaths often learn too late in life, and they seriously affect their quality of living.
Here are 11 things brilliant empaths often learn too late in life
1. To protect their own peace
Xavier Lorenzo | Shutterstock
Focusing on other people and their needs will feel natural to an empath. Because they can feel other people's emotions in such a special way, they'll likely also feel a call to help those people. A lot of people are hurting, and empaths will feel that pain and want to find a way to take it away or to solve the problem that person is facing.
Unfortunately, they often do this to their own detriment. Empaths will be so focused on other people and getting involved in their lives that they will lose sight of themselves and forget that they need to protect their own peace.
Licensed mental health counselor Robin D. Stone explained why protecting your peace is so essential. "Toughing out situations that aren't beneficial to our mental health used to be seen as a measure of strength," she said. "But these days, many of us recognize the changes we need to make in how we respond to life's curveballs... Many people are rethinking how they move through the world, and how they show up for themselves and for others."
Empaths have the power to show up for and help other people, and the need to protect their own peace doesn't mean they should stop doing that, nor do they have to. But in the midst of being there for everyone else, they have to be there for themselves, too.
They can't let themselves get so lost in other people's emotions that they lose sight of their own. Unfortunately, many empaths don't learn this lesson early on and are stuck in a place of discontentment.
2. Some people will take advantage of their empathy
DexonDee | Shutterstock
For some people, recognizing an empath is like seeing a big sign that says, "You can take advantage of me!" Empaths pick up on emotions and take them as the truth. So, if someone is presenting the image that they're a kind person, or someone who is in need of help, empaths are likely to believe it.
This is how people with nefarious intentions can work their way into empath's lives and take advantage of them. And, unfortunately, this is one of the huge things brilliant empaths often learn too late in life.
As Smyth noted, "It is easy to envision how empaths could fall prey to people lacking ethics. If someone has skills in deceit, it would be simple to play to the feelings of an empath and use their resources." She added that empaths can easily be charmed by narcissists, who feel no empathy but are good at pretending they do.
Not everyone who takes advantage of an empath will necessarily do so with bad intentions — at least not consciously. Someone might just lean too heavily on an empath for emotional support and assistance, which could easily drain and exhaust them. Whatever someone's intentions are, it's easy to take advantage of an empath, and they often don't realize this before it's too late.
3. How to not become emotionally drained
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock
Empaths have a tendency to give everything they have to everyone else. They spend so much time helping others that they forget to take care of themselves. This makes it extremely easy for them to become emotionally drained.
When someone is giving all they've got to others, they have nothing left for themselves. They're filling everyone else up, but they're empty themselves. This is a fast track to burnout.
Health researcher and writer Jacquelyn Cafasso said, "Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally worn out and drained due to accumulated stress from one's personal or work life, or a combination of both. It is one of the signs of burnout... Over time, this chronic, stressed-out state can cause permanent damage to your health."
It would be helpful for empaths to be able to recognize these signs of burnout and emotional exhaustion, but they often don't do so until it's too late. It's easy for someone to realize they're emotionally drained once it actually happens, but the time leading up to it can be a bit more fuzzy. When someone is so caught up in others' emotions, it's easy to lose sight of their own emotional health.
4. They can't fix everything
fizkes | Shutterstock
Like Smyth said, empaths are natural problem-solvers. They feel other people's pain and take on their problems as their own. If they feel like they're living through those issues right alongside them, then of course they're going to try to solve those problems.
But the thing is, even being a brilliant empath doesn't mean you have the power to fix everything. Maybe it means you can feel everything, but there's a big difference between that and actually fixing everything.
Psychologist Sandra Parker said, "When we are confronted with our limited control over things that matter to us, unrest stirs... Unrest is actually just trying to help us recognize the brick wall for what it is, but if we don't see it we find ourselves banging our heads and all we get is a really bad headache. We get caught up in the fixing fixation because it removes us from the helpless feeling of our limits."
A desire to fix everything isn't unique to empaths. Really, everyone experiences it. But because empaths feel others' emotions, they become convinced that they are uniquely positioned to fix the problems they see.
However, amidst all the problems they try to fix, they lose sight of the real issue — the fact that they don't have the power to fix all of those problems like they wish they could. And they often figure this out far too late in life.
5. They need to set boundaries
Julia_585 | Shutterstock
Boundaries are a basic need that everyone has, but empaths might be able to benefit from them more than most. Once people figure out someone is an empath, they're more likely to lean on them for help and advice.
Empaths already feel everyone else's emotions, so being relied on for support just compounds the emotional toll that their gift takes on them. It's imperative that they set boundaries so they don't get burnt out and end up with too many people relying on them.
As licensed professional counselor Marissa Moore stated, "Many have found that setting boundaries improves your mental health and mood. Without limits, it's hard to be self-aware and independent. If you go along with what everyone else says and does and don't ever speak up for what you want to do, you're sacrificing your desires for other people."
By not setting proper boundaries, empaths are opening the door for people to walk all over them and leave them feeling emotionally empty. But learning that they need to set boundaries is often something that only happens with time and experience, and it can easily become challenging for empaths to do as they deal with the demands everyone places on them and the deep things they feel.
6. Sometimes they will have to let people down
Hananeko_Studio | Shutterstock
No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone. But unfortunately, it's one of the things brilliant empaths often learn too late in life. Empaths may feel like they should be able to make everyone happy because they understand how they're feeling.
They can easily become people-pleasers who prioritize others' needs above all else. But they can't always make people happy, and they have to accept that there will be times when they will have to let someone down.
"Disappointing others means learning to say 'no' to things beyond our capacity and sitting with the discomfort of others feeling disappointed by that," warned therapist Sarah Epstein. "This process means developing strong values, communicating them effectively, and self-soothing when others dislike your choices."
No one wants to let other people down, especially when they care about them. But being an empath doesn't mean someone has the ability to do absolutely anything. No matter how much of a people-pleaser someone is or how much they try to be there for everyone else, they can't make people happy all the time. Empaths will have to learn to let some people down.
7. When to say 'no'
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock
No one can say yes to everything. Learning when to say no and deny a request or turn down an opportunity is a bit of an art. Because empaths are easy targets for people who need a lot of help and support, it can be hard for them to say no because they're constantly being asked for assistance of some sort. And because they know how it feels to be that other person, they'll have an even harder time saying they can't help them.
But never saying no isn't realistic. As board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Nicole Washington explained, "Saying no is one of the best forms of self-care we can engage in." She added that saying no helps people to find time to rest, find alignment with their goals, and set boundaries.
No one has the capacity to do everything that's asked of them. We must each learn how to say no when something is beyond our ability or just doesn't feel right to us. Unfortunately, empaths tend to learn this later than others. They try to do everything they can to help the people they are so deeply connected to. They simply don't know when to say no and pump the brakes.
8. Others' pain isn't their own
My Ocean Production | Shutterstock
Life can get confusing for empaths. They're feeling all of their own emotions, but they're also feeling other people's too. It can be difficult to differentiate between the two. Empaths have to remember that other people's pain isn't theirs to carry, which is something even the most brilliant empaths often learn too late in life.
Yes, they can feel and understand it, and even offer appropriate support, but it's still not theirs. This is a hard lesson to learn and often comes later than what would be ideal.
Psychotherapist Erin Leonard explained, "When an empath can help heal others with their empathy, they fly. Naturally exuding compassion and humanity, an empath can exponentially change the world for the better. But, when an empath experiences intense empathy for others and cannot help, they sometimes feel grief and anxiety for hours. Temporarily, they are less able to function happily and productively in the world."
It's easy for an empath to feel bad and get down on themselves when they feel others' pain and realize there's nothing they can really do to make it go away. But it's important not to let these feelings go too far. An empath could easily spiral and feel depressed if they thought too much about this fact. Instead, they have to try to learn the lesson that feeling pain does not mean it's theirs.
9. Taking time for self-care is a good thing
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
It would be easy for an empath to eschew self-care in favor of helping other people. Since they have the power to feel other people's emotions, it would make sense for them to believe that they should spend all their time helping others work through what they're feeling.
This couldn't be further from the truth. Self-care is necessary for everyone, including empaths, and taking time for it doesn't mean they're selfish.
Health writer Angelica Bottaro said, "While many people may view self-care as a form of selfish indulgence, the act of caring for oneself is an important part of a person's overall well-being." She went on to add, "For a person to practice true self-care, they must use personal responsibility and self-reliance in a way that positively impacts their health in the current moment and the future."
There's nothing wrong with taking time for self-care. In fact, it's essential for your well-being. This is true for everyone, including empaths who feel like they have insight into other people's lives and emotions that make them the perfect people to help. They can still help while also taking care of themselves. This is something empaths don't learn easily, though.
10. Connecting with someone doesn't mean they're meant to be in their life
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
An empath could easily think that because they have a connection with someone, that means that person is meant to be in their life and they're supposed to have a relationship with them, whether that be romantic or platonic.
The problem with this line of thinking is that empaths connect with everyone. It's just what they do naturally. That doesn't mean every person they connect with belongs in their life.
Experts from the Gottman Institute explained how this can manifest in romantic relationships. "The idea of 'the one' or having a soulmate is not based in reality. Finding someone who you can develop a deep friendship with, who is willing to grow, evolve, and be emotionally present are the keys to a successful relationship," they said. "There isn't just one perfect person for you somewhere in the world. Instead, compatibility is something you build together through conscious choices, shared experiences, and mutual commitment to growth."
It's easy for anyone, even if they aren't an empath, to think a connection with someone means that they need to keep that person close. And, in some cases, that is what it means. However, it's important to remember that feeling a connection with someone isn't enough to assume they're meant to be a special person in your life, especially when you're an empath and you connect with everyone. Of course, this is easier said than done.
11. Being an empath doesn't define who they are
Luis Molinero | Shutterstock
Just because someone is an empath doesn't mean that is their whole identity. They don't exist for the sole purpose of feeling and understanding other people's emotions and helping them through them. Instead, each of us is an autonomous individual with hopes and dreams for our own life.
That's true for empaths, too. They are so much more than just an empath. They are a unique person who gets to forge their own path.
"People on the highest end of the empathy scale sometimes experience a lot of difficulty as a result of their ability to feel for others," Smyth said. "Being empathic is a gift in many ways, but too much of a good thing, in this case, can cause a lot of distress."
No empath should let their skills become so important to them that they allow that to become their identity and lose sight of who they really are. An empath isn't just an empath, they're a person. They have every right to live the beautiful life that they choose. Hopefully this is one thing they don't learn too late.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
