If Someone Is Secretly Planning To End A Long-Term Friendship, They'll Do These 11 Things First
Not all friendships are meant to go the distance.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Friendships aren't easy and take work, especially those bonds that have bene built over time. Still, when there's an undeniable connection, any trials and tribulations are something good friends push through together. Unfortunately, not all friendships are meant to last, and there are certain behaviors that indicate the end is near. Whether it's creating intentional distance or being more critical, if someone is secretly planning to end a long-term friendship, they'll do these things first.
People who end friendships aren't usually looking to sit down for a civil conversation. Even if it's a misunderstanding, once someone's mind is made up, it's difficult to change it. It may not be clear why a friend is pulling away, and people may end up gaslighting themselves into believing it's all in their head.
If someone is secretly planning to end a long-term friendship, they'll do these 11 things first
1. Stop hanging out as much
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When people are close friends, they'll always find a way to spend time with each other. Whether it's FaceTime or hanging out every few weeks, people who care will prioritize their loved ones. But when a friend stops hanging out as much, it indicates that they are distancing themselves.
Even if they're too afraid to say it, finding an excuse to avoid hanging out is a sign they're done being friends. And while they might not think of their behavior as problematic, those who pull away with zero explanation are causing harm.
Because, according to the American Psychological Association, "Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness." So, if someone wants to call off a friendship, they should be upfront; otherwise, they might unintentionally hurt their friend more.
2. Not sharing personal details
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As friends, there's nothing you aren't willing to share with someone you're close to. Whether it's an embarrassing moment on a terrible first date or frustration with your career, friends share everything without thinking twice. But if someone is secretly planning to end a long-term friendship, they'll stop sharing personal details first.
In the beginning, it might feel like the perfect plan. Friends don't want to hurt each other, so they'll slowly pull away. Yet whether they realize it or not, their oldest friends can feel that distance, whether it's not sharing updates about your day or discussing bigger things like your romantic life.
3. Snapping easily
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Once a friend is done with the friendship, it's easy for them to grow tired of the same old things. Whether it's a friend who always starts drama or talks about the same topics, they may end up being snippy as they create distance.
After spending years dealing with the same stuff, they're fed up. They've tried to switch topics and be positive, and they've attempted to gently steer their friends or give them pep talks. However, everything they've done has been met with a toxic behavior or mentality, causing them to become burned out.
If someone feels drained after hanging around someone, they will want to create distance so they don't snap more. While unintentionally being mean is always awful, being upfront is a good way to let a friend down easily.
4. Not making future plans
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There's a time when friends will make plans to meet up. Whether it's going on vacation together or having a night out, real friends can't help but want to be around each other. But when one friend stops making plans for the future, it indicates something is wrong.
Regardless of the reasons, some friends have no desire to continue the friendship and are looking for subtle ways to create distance. It isn't fair to the other person, but when someone doesn't say what's on their mind, they let their actions speak for them. Even if it hurts, they'd much rather stop planning things than lure their soon-to-be ex-friend into a false sense of security.
5. Becoming vague or evasive
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There's no greater feeling than being able to confide in someone you trust, as the willingness to be open is one of the main things needed to keep a relationship going. But if someone is secretly planning to end a long-term friendship, they'll become vague or evasive first.
Maybe it's because they feel like they can no longer trust their friend, but by dodging questions or not giving them much to go off of, they're essentially protecting their own peace. And this is important as, according to science journalist Donna Jackson Nakazawa, "Growing up prioritizing others' needs leads to people-pleasing adults who find it hard to hold boundaries."
As most people can imagine, this can have a devastating impact on a person's mental health and self-esteem. So, even if someone doesn't agree with their methods, in the end, cutting people off who are toxic is the best thing someone can do for themselves.
6. Being distant during tough times
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It's messed up, but the easiest way to tell where a friendship is headed is based on how they show up for you. From small situations to life-altering ones, if a friend is there to weather the storm, that means they're sticking around for the long haul.
However, when someone is done with a friendship, they'll do everything in their power to be absent during those times. From refusing to show up to not texting back, it's all too easy to feel abandoned. And while it may be tempting to sit there and fight for them, if they're not willing to meet their friend halfway, it might be high time to let the friendship go.
7. Avoiding deep conversations
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The best thing about friendships is the late-night conversations. Whether it's celebrity gossip or trauma dumping, having deep and meaningful conversations helps friends grow closer. But when those conversations stop happening, it means a friend is secretly planning to end that connection.
On the surface, avoiding conversations might not seem all that important. In the moment, some people want to decompress after a chaotic day or hard times they've been going through to let loose. But never having those conversations anymore means someone is trying to pull away.
According to psychiatrist Carrie Barron, "Meaningful conversation is an important part of wellness. It fosters true connections to others, productivity, and even happiness." So, if a friend is keeping things surface-level, it's not a good sign.
8. Erasing social media posts with you in them
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Most people can agree that social media has become a language of its own. Whenever someone shadily likes a tweet or reposts a dig at their partner, they're communicating to the world without saying anything. So, when a friend deletes social media posts with their once-close friend, it's a bit immature and shady.
But most people who cut off their friends without a proper explanation tend not to care anyway. With zero compassion, they'll erase every single picture they have together, and if they're feeling petty, even unlike all the photos. They may even block their friend altogether.
It's a bit silly, but they just can't help themselves. Even if it hurts their friend's feelings, so long as they're creating distance, they don't care how their actions impact those around them.
9. Spending more time with a new friend group
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Friends have experienced jealousy at some point. Especially when it comes to their best friends making new friends, it can leave them feeling bitter. And while this is sometimes just another aspect of their friend branching out, ditching a friend for a new group means the friendship is fizzling out.
Sometimes, someone can easily tell if a friend is ending the friendship. They don't have to say anything, but the more time they spend with others, the more distance is created. This isn't great, as every relationship needs time spent together to thrive. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it takes 140 hours to become a close friend and 300 hours to become a best friend.
10. No longer being curious about you
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As friends, it's normal to be curious about one another. From big wins in life to new changes, a true friend is going to check in and ask questions. But when that curiosity subsides, it indicates one person is planning to end a long-term relationship.
The first few times, their lack of questions may not set off alarm bells. Everyone has a ton on their plate, and sometimes, a person's behavior can be unpredictable. However, never showing interest is a sign that someone isn't interested in continuing a friendship.
This doesn't make this behavior any less bad. Whether they realize it or not, excluding someone or treating them as unimportant is one of the worst things a person can do to someone. So, while ending friendships is sometimes inevitable, doing so with grace and compassion is equally important.
11. Criticizing more
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If someone is secretly planning to end a long-term friendship, they'll start being more critical. They might be fed up with their friend, but at the end of the day, toxic behavior doesn't justify criticizing someone so harshly.
We as individuals are in charge of our own actions. This means that if a friend is tearing you down, no matter the reason, it's never acceptable behavior. As neuroscience writer Aditi Subramaniam explained, "Our everyday behaviors unconsciously signal messages about ourselves to others."
So, if someone is planning on cutting someone off, just be upfront; otherwise, that passive-aggressive behavior might just backfire in more ways than one.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
