You Can Tell Someone’s Miserable If They Constantly Complain About These 9 Things
India Picture | Shutterstock Complaining rewires our brains for negativity. The more we complain, the unhappier we become. That's why the most unhappy people get caught in spirals of despair.
Because complaining is their only method of coping, the negativity it sparks makes it harder to change anything or cultivate optimism. Most of this turmoil happens internally, but when someone constantly complains about very specific things, you can tell they're entirely miserable.
If someone is constantly miserable, they tend to complain about these things
1. How unfair life is
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We've all been around friends who can't take accountability for anything. It's always "I have the worst luck" or "this always happens to me," and never "What can I do better?" They subconsciously remove their own agency and autonomy by assuming their life is entirely out of their hands.
They blame other people and make all kinds of excuses instead of changing, and that's why they're chronically miserable. When focusing on and investing in yourself during chaotic times is exactly how you protect your well-being, they end up in cycles of hurt and frustration quite easily.
2. What everyone else is doing
Instead of focusing on what's in their control and how they can build a happier life for themselves, miserable people turn their focus outward. They hyperfocus on how other people's mistakes affect them, holding onto grudges in other people's relationships and avoiding the hard conversations that can create better social networks and support.
Unfortunately, as clinical psychologist Monica Vermani explains, the more they fixate on others' flaws and opinions, the more disconnected they become from their own inner purpose and strengths.
3. Minor inconveniences
Feeling in control often predicts better mental health and healthier stress levels, which is why we're often fed ideas like "let it roll off your back." Focusing only on minor inconveniences and other people's opinions only creates more inner turmoil and stress, which is why happy people avoid dwelling on them.
Taking things personally and harping on these natural, unfair parts of life for too long only keeps people miserable. The more sway these negative, inevitable things have in your life, the more stress and resentment you carry.
4. What's going wrong
Being an optimistic person, while sometimes incredibly difficult, often predicts a happier, healthier life. When you can be thankful for what you have and see the light at the end of the tunnel during trying times, you can find resilience in dealing with adversity and pain. Optimists have a better subjective well-being because of this.
When you focus on what's going wrong or what's missing in your life, you expect negativity. And when you expect negativity, you get it. That's why chronically unhappy, miserable people feel stuck. They sabotage their ability to achieve and grow by hyperfocusing on what they don't have, leaving their nervous systems trapped in a state of distress and lack.
5. Not meeting their goals
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Experts like psychology professor Marwa Azab agree that talking and bragging about your goals before achieving them actually sabotages motivation and progress. When you're only motivated by validation and praise from others, and you get it too early, you have nothing pushing you to actually make a change.
Happy, accomplished people invest in the journey toward goals and find meaning in it to build motivation on their own terms. But miserable people complain about how hard they work and how little they accomplish, usually because they're only working for attention and pity.
6. Other people's success
Jealousy and envy make us bitter people. They disconnect us from community and the kinds of positive relationships that bring meaning and joy to our lives. When someone else succeeds, a happy person celebrates them. But when someone succeeds around a miserable person, they immediately complain and dismiss their excitement.
They operate under a misguided belief that when someone else achieves something they want or admire, it's even harder for them to do so. Usually, it is, because their resentment and lack of agency hold them back. They're also set up for worsened mental health and lower well-being, because they can't be happy for anyone but themselves.
7. Daily obligations and chores
Household labor and daily obligations that we don't necessarily get excited about are natural parts of life. For the average person, they can find a way to get through them, and better yet, boost their happiness by making them into a daily ritual.
But there are two groups of people who let these responsibilities completely ruin their lives. The first is entitled people, who believe they're above anything that makes them uncomfortable or feels annoying. The second is miserable people, who find a way to be even more unhappy by blaming natural parts of adult life for their suffering.
Instead of using their routines and obligations for a sense of stability during tumultuous times, they resent them and make daily life even more exhausting.
8. Their past and regrets
Our pasts, including nostalgic memories and occasional regrets, hold a lot of power in our lives. Sometimes, they motivate us to make changes and give us a sense of grounded purpose in adulthood. Other times, they're a reminder of our biggest flaws and keep us stuck in negative spirals that harm our well-being on all levels.
The difference between a positive relationship with regrets and the latter is the mindset someone curates. A happy person makes changes and moves forward while accepting the discomfort of healing, instead of dwelling on past mistakes. A miserable person ruminates over regrets and considers all the things they wished they had done.
9. Resolved fights and arguments
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The most unhappy people never truly resolve anything because even after they've closed an argument and accepted an apology, they always come back to the issue. They hold people to unrealistic standards when they've made a mistake. They weigh other people's flaws without taking any accountability for their own.
Holding onto past injustices from others is how they make peace with being unhappy or coping with struggles. While happy, fulfilled people resolve their issues and disagreements by the end of the same day, miserable people stew and let them grow into resentment forever.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
