The Art Of Being Unbothered: 4 Simple Choices To Be A Happy Person This Year
Evan Clay | Unsplash Can you "decide" to be a truly happy person? Is happiness something you can simply choose? According to research from the Mayo Clinic, the answer is resounding, "Yes!" Great, right? The study found that the key to finding happiness is all in the power of positive thinking. Simple, right? But wait, it's not that easy, is it? Or we'd already be doing that. Well, yes and no.
You can learn how to be happy by choosing to do so. The concept is that simple, but consistently applying the concept takes tremendous control and practice. Lots and lots of practice. But it is possible. According to experts, the human mind is constantly scanning, resulting in a constant stream of thoughts: happy, sad, scared, angry, and so on.
You have to harness those thoughts and decide which ones to focus on. Yes, you really can choose, even though it's difficult to do so. It helps if you understand why it's so difficult. Our brains default to negative thoughts naturally. When you have a thought, your brain experiences an electrical and chemical reaction. Good thoughts and bad thoughts don't elicit the same reaction — negative thoughts invoke a greater response in the brain.
This makes complete sense if you think about it. Early humans depended on this default to help protect them from harm — it's a survival instinct. But, as you probably know, survival instincts are a pretty powerful force and by no means easy to override.
Dr. Theodore George, author of Untangling the Mind: Why We Behave the Way We Do, has studied our ability to override survival instincts. What he found is that it is possible, over time, to gain control over what our brain perceives as a negative thought or a "threat message."
Being happy takes some work. But, with practice, you can re-train your brain to label that message 'harmless' so that your brain no longer has to pay attention to it. Replacing an old thinking pattern with a new one takes repetition, persistence, and determination. Perhaps you can begin, not by trying to change how you think about anything and everything at once, but by choosing one thing for now.
Here are 4 simple choices to be a happy, unbothered person:
1. Think about your thinking
Mikhail Nilov / Pexels
What do you believe about this person or this situation? What else could be true here? What would an outsider to the situation say? How could you think about it neutrally or positively?
Research on cognitive reappraisal found that when you catch yourself spiraling and actually stop to ask "Wait, is that really true?" or "How else could I look at this?", you end up way less anxious and depressed. The cool part is that questioning your automatic reactions doesn't just change your mood temporarily; it actually changes how your brain handles stress, so you stop hitting the panic button over everything.
2. Find the upside
Choose how you can think about this in a positive light. Consciously decide to think that way. How does that make you feel? As a result, how might you feel and act differently from now on? Research showed that people who make a conscious choice to flip the script on negative situations and look for a better angle end up significantly happier overall. It's not just about feeling less bad, either; reframing actually creates more positive emotions on top of reducing the negative ones, which means you're getting double the benefit.
3. Slow down and take inventory
Karl K / Pexels
Stop regularly to take stock. This is a slow process. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, hit "reset" in your brain. Think the thought again, and with a positive spin. Check in with yourself at the end of the day — was today a little better?
Research on self-monitoring found that people who regularly pause during the day to notice how they're feeling and what they're thinking develop way better emotional control and feel less stressed out. Every time you catch yourself going negative and hit the reset button to reframe it, you're basically training your brain to handle emotions better, the same way doing reps at the gym makes your muscles stronger.
4. Acknowledge the good things in your life
In addition to catching yourself, as often as you can, try journaling. Once a week, stop to write down three good things about your life. Psychologists found that the simple exercise of writing down three things you are grateful for has been shown to provide both an immediate and lasting effect on happiness" for up to six months.
Why not give it a try? Do you want to have more happiness in your life? Taking the time to focus on the positive will be worth the time and effort. Letting go of negativity in your life will allow you to live a happier, fuller life. Start harnessing that happiness today.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships.
