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Sometimes the caretaker needs to feel the love.
By Kathy Thielen — Written on Dec 31, 2022
As far back as I can remember, I have always been what some people may refer to as the "mothering" type.
I remember being in elementary school and always trying to make sure that I introduced myself to the new kids in my class. This doesn't mean that we stayed friends forever, but I always wanted to make sure my new classmates felt welcome.
My habit of reaching out means that I sometimes have been vulnerable without realizing it. I may have put myself at risk of being hurt along the way.
It's an occupational hazard for mothering types. Sometimes, they need a bit of pampering and attention.
Nurturers won't ask for it — and they might even try to reject it — but they deserve to be on the receiving end of acts of appreciation, kindness and compassion.
What do people think when they imagine a "mothering" role? We often put the needs of others before our own.
We sometimes allow people to make excuses when we shouldn't. We give people the benefit of the doubt even when they do not deserve it.
We genuinely believed that people can change, and our heart always wants to see the good in others. We love with our whole hearts.
We want to give a gazillion percent because seeing that those we love are happy makes us happy, too.
I wonder, though, how often people consider that someone who plays a nurturing role in their life may also enjoy the thought of having at least some of these beautiful gestures reciprocated.
Be very careful that you are not treating a nurturing person like they are an object and by all means, do not treat them like they are your maid, roommate, or just a plaything.
Even in the mothering role, we still want to know that we are loved and appreciated. We need to know that we matter.
Here are nine ways to show a nurturing, 'mothering' type that they are appreciated
1. Share the housework
Do the cooking, dishes, cleaning, or laundry from time to time. Don't ask. Just do it!
2. Treat them to dinner
Take them out for a meal. Give them that much-needed (and deserved) break.
3. Make small, kind gestures
Remember, gestures of appreciation are always welcome, and they do not need to be expensive.
4. Plan an event or getaway
Plan something special for a day, night or weekend out on the town.
5. Say 'thank you'
Be kind and acknowledge the person who is taking such good care of you.
6. Don't be a slob around the house
Be a grown-up and pick up after yourself.
7. Modulate your tone of voice
Be gentle, compassionate, and understanding of your partner.
8. Pay attention
Make sure you are attentive and listening when you have conversations.
9. Make their needs a priority
Treat them like they are a priority in your life instead of someone who is only there to take care of you and your needs.
Just because someone has taken care of you for weeks, months or years does not mean it's all that they have ever wanted.
On the other hand, being the "mothering" type does not mean that one always expects something in return. It just means that even a born nurturer wants to feel loved and appreciated, too.
How nurturing changes in a long-term relationship
In long-term relationships, the dynamic often evolves.
Just because our partner has "always" done this or that, it does not mean that they want to forever. Everyone needs a break once in a while.
Being the "mothering" type can feel like a curse when or if we don't speak up for ourselves. Especially if we allow people to take advantage of our kindness over and over again.
This can also cause hard feelings, which can become hurtful.
Be open about expectations and needs
Open, frank communication is one way to prevent resentment from boiling over. One could speak up and say, "You know I love doing wonderful things for you, but I really wouldn't mind a break."
Now, some might say a compassionate and loving partner should already think of these things without being told. Reciprocal kindness is a genuine expression of love that should come naturally when we truly care about someone.
If you are the nurturing type, it's important to not make excuses for someone who isn't treating you the way that you deserve to be treated.
If someone isn't making you feel loved or respected for all of your kindness and tenderness, it may be time to reflect on just how much the relationship actually means to that person. Are we in a healthy and balanced relationship, or are we just being used and taken advantage of?
Healthy relationships need to be a balance of give and take. They are about kindness and consideration, about thoughtfulness and appreciation.
Partners who genuinely love one another will be motivated and creative in how they continuously work to keep balance in their relationship.
It won't be out of a sense of obligation. Rather, it will arise from the necessity for each person to make sure their partner truly knows just how much they are loved and appreciated.
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Kathy Thielen is an energy healer and life coach who focuses on happiness, self-care, psychic healing, and relationships.