The Make-It-Or-Break-It Factor That Disappears First In A Relationship & How To Get It Back

Photo: NDAB creativity / 
couple romantically nuzzling

Why do so many relationships fail?

Oftentimes, it's because one or both parties stop putting forth an effort. 

Sometimes couples stop nurturing their relationship. Others lose their focus and/or forget the importance of effort, compassion and gratitude. We can get so caught up in our own little world that we forget these matters of importance.

It's easy to get into a rut. 

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Many of us are only doing what we were shown — following the examples of how we were raised. 

But saying, "That's how it was done when I was growing up," does not make it right. 

It doesn't mean that everything is 50/50 all the way down the line, but it does give evidence that we are living in the 21st century. Responsibilities may not be as cut and dried as they once were.

Are we being considerate of the amount of time and effort that is being put in to maintain our household/home? Do we have an adequate balance of tasks and play in our relationships?  

Four small changs that often result in a much better relationship

1. Be willing to take over chores.

Just because one person has always done certain chores doesn't mean that they always want to do it. Healthy relationships require continuous effort and compromise. Some tasks may be more suited for one partner than another. 

Maybe one partner is better at yard work while the other seems better suited for inside chores. However, when it is possible, wouldn't it be nice if we could lend each other a hand? Maybe one partner has done the cooking, cleaning, laundry and dishes during the entire relationship. Think about how this may feel like more than chore if he or she never gets a break. 

How often are we kind enough to simply offer a bit of a reprieve?  Perhaps one partner mows the yard because there are difficult areas to mow.  However, this doesn't mean the other partner can't take on the chore of pulling weeds or planting flowers.  

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2.  Be willing to do things as a team. 

We are partners, united in our relationship based on similar goals. Our relationships build stamina and strength when we are willing to work together. Have we ever considered that spending time with our partner during some of these chores is also an example of effort?  

If one partner is the chef per se in the relationship, this doesn't mean that the other partner can't keep them company in the the kitchen once in a while. 

How often do we see that one partner is doing all the work while the other is either playing on their phone or chillin' while watching something on TV?

3. Be willing to show your appreciation. 

We show effort by offering to help out — cut up some of the veggies, butter the toast, set the table, or load the dishwasher, etc? When we offer to lend a hand or show that we value our partner's effort, we show an extension of tenderness and love.

Can you imagine how your partner may feel loved and appreciated if while they are cooking quietly approached them, wrapped your arms around them in a gentle hug and said, "I appreciate of all of these amazing meals you make night after night. I may not say it often but I am a very lucky man/woman.  Thank you."  

How often do we think about all of the things in life that we take for granted? How many day-to-day tasks “could” I be doing? Has it crossed our mind that maybe our person needs a break? 

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4. Be willing to view your relationship as a partnership.

One of the quickest ways to damage a relationship is by treating our partner like an object, by acting like they owe us something. 

The moment someone begins to feel unappreciated — relationships tend to fall apart and crumble.  The importance of effort doesn't stop the moment we agree to become partners or say, "I do." 

When one partner feels like the majority of responsibilities fall all onto their shoulders, hurt and bitterness may start brewing. How many times have you watched someone do something that you are fully capable of doing yourself?  Relationships require teamwork — not assumptions. 

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How often do we remember to say thank you? How ofter do we suggest that we take a break and do something fun with one another?

By consciously staying focused on putting effort at the forefront of our relationships, we are remembering why we stay together in the first place.

Is it time to do some self-reflection? A little bit of kindness and gratitude can go a very long way!  

Even the tiniest bit of effort can be a total game changer in our relationships. It's important to remember that no one enjoys being taken for granted. We all deserve to feel acknowledged and appreciated. 

Is it time to step up your game?

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Kathy Thielen is an energy healer and life coach who focuses on happiness, self-care, psychic healing, and relationships.