11 Polite Habits That Most People Secretly Can’t Stand
It's good to be polite, but doing these things might make you secretly hated.
Kues / Shutterstock Nobody ever wants to come off as rude, but believe it or not, being too polite can also be a bad thing. Blame it on their people-pleasing tendencies, but there are several polite habits that most people secretly can't stand. While they might not ever say it out loud, people who can't seem to make up their minds because they fear coming off as rude end up accidentally setting their loved ones off.
Whether they're at a restaurant or deciding where to go, these people allow their fear of being rude to accidentally cause them to be rude in the process. With that being said, this doesn't mean they can't change. While they can't always control their instinctual habits, they can work towards bettering themselves.
These are 11 polite habits that most people secretly can't stand
1. Over-apologizing
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The first polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is over-apologizing. Yes, it's awesome that people are able to apologize and take accountability. However, apologizing every minute for the most minor things? Sorry, but that's bound to drive anyone mad.
Now, to be fair, many people who do this can't help themselves. According to a survey from YouGov, 48% of people self-identify as people pleasers, which can explain their constant need to apologize. Even so, over-apologizing can make slowly begin to lose its effect, making people's apologies less impactful.
So, unless someone has offended or bumped into someone, it's best to save those apologies for another day. Not only will it save time, but it'll lead to better results when the time comes to actually apologize.
2. Insisting that others go first
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There's possibly no greater feeling than being with a friend, family member, or lover who's polite. From holding open the door to getting the check every so often, polite people are truly a heaven-sent. Even so, there is such a thing as being 'too polite,' which is why a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is insisting that others go first.
Sure, it's good to do this every so often; however, always pressuring someone to go first isn't just anxiety-inducing for the other person, it's straight up stressful. This isn't great, as, according to a study conducted in 2015, diseases that develop as a result of stress include cardiovascular dysfunctions, diabetes, cancer, autoimmune syndromes, and mental illness.
With this in mind, let people go with the flow. If they're ready to order or to check out, let them. And if they make no clear indication that they want to, then don't pressure them to. Not only will this alleviate stress from the other person, but it's arguably the most polite thing to do.
3. Overusing pet names
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There's always that one couple who overuses pet names to the point of it being a bit sickly. Whether they mean for it or not, just because it sounds nice and familiar, doesn't mean it's always good to hear 24/7. This is why a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is overusing pet names.
There's only so much honey and sweethearts someone can take until it starts becoming a bit annoying. Sure, in certain cultures, it's absolutely normal for people to use those pet names without thinking twice about it. Yet, in some cases, using overly affectionate language can reveal something about oneself that isn't always great.
According to psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., "Anxiously attached individuals used emotional language to seek closeness, whereas avoidantly attached people used similar cues to mimic connection while keeping real vulnerability at bay."
So, if someone's overusing pet names, they might want to check on the reason why. While it might be innocent, it can be overbearing and a sign that someone needs to do a little bit more inner work.
4. Being a serial complimenter
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There's no denying that people love compliments. Whether it's about their personality or their appearance, feeling acknowledged is always wanted. According to retired clinical psychologist Leon F Seltzer, PhD, "Being acknowledged by others helps you feel more accepted and secure. Consequently, more comfortable inside yourself.
Even so, dealing with a serial complimenter isn't always the most fun thing in the book. After being complimented for so long, it starts to lose its effectiveness as a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is being a serial complimenter. Once again, there's nothing wrong with complimenting someone. However, never feel pressured to.
Just because someone compliments you doesn't mean you have to reciprocate. Not only is it insincere, but it also puts an unnecessary amount of pressure on others for no reason. So, if someone says, "You look beautiful today," you can simply respond by saying, "Thank you, I appreciate it." While it might feel strange, in the end, it's the most sincere thing to say, which most people would appreciate more.
5. Insisting on paying for everything
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Sure, everyone likes free food and gifts. However, overpaying isn't always the greatest feeling in the world, for both parties. As much as their friends and family appreciate them, a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is insisting on paying for everything.
People on social media dream of having their entire life paid for, but in the real world, many people are looking for equality in all their relationships. From their romantic relationships to their platonic friendships, having a certain amount of independence is always a good thing.
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., said, "For a relationship to really work, we need to find a balance between independence and dependence." While it's good to pay, don't feel pressured to always do so. Not only does it make them feel guilty, but it also puts unnecessary strain on your pocket for no reason.
6. Sending long thank you text messages
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If there's one thing about polite people, it's that they know how to say thank you. Whether it's sending a thank you card or being sincere in person, polite people always do their best to show gratitude. Even when they technically don't need to, polite people find it within themselves to always be considerate.
In many cases, this is a good thing, as according to Harvard Health, giving thanks is associated with greater happiness. Even so, there is such a thing as too much, and a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is sending long 'thank you' text messages."
Sure, saying thank you is great, but don't overdo it. A simple, "I just wanted to say thank you for..." is enough to make most people happy. Not only is it direct and straight to the point, but it'll also save them the headache of reading through a long-winded novel in the long run.
7. Agreeing with everyone to keep the peace
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There's always a time when people need to agree to disagree, to keep the peace. However, a polite habit that most people secretly can't stand is agreeing with everyone to keep the peace. Yes, agreeing to disagree is fine. However, blindly following along because they don't want to argue is a bit frustrating.
Whether it's a friend or partner, loved ones want to know what's on your mind. Unfortunately, this can be difficult to do if they never voice how they truly feel. After all, not only does this create unnecessary distance, but it also creates confusion.
According to a study published in the Journal of Pragmatics, this type of miscommunication can lead to frustration, elevating negative emotions. So, if someone disagrees, politely voice it. It doesn't need to be an entire discussion, but knowing where each party stands can help them conclude that it benefits both sides.
8. Pretending to be interested
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Sure, it's good to try to take an interest in what others are into. However, a polite habit that most people can't secretly stand is pretending to be interested, even though everyone else can clearly tell they aren't. Once again, if there's one thing people hate, it's insecurity.
Blame it on human nature, but most people are secretly looking for connection, which is why faking it is such a turn-off. As a study published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine suggests, human beings are wired to connect, and this connection can impact our health for better or worse.
With that being said, this doesn't mean polite people need to be rude. Simply saying, "I don't know much about that, but...," and finding a way to shift the conversation is also another way people can create an authentic connection without being rude in the process.
9. Responding immediately to every text message
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Another polite habit that most people secretly can’t stand is someone who responds immediately to every text message. Many people might not have a name for it, but there’s no doubt that ping fatigue is a real thing.
Whether it’s someone’s job blowing up their phone, or their parents spam texting them, everyone needs a break from their cellphone from time to time. After all, trying to keep up with dozens of unread text messages isn’t the greatest feeling in the world. Still, many polite people don’t view it that way, which is why they’re always quick to text back. Blame it on their people-pleasing ways, but polite people are so caught up in coming off as rude that they accidentally burden others by over-responding.
So, while texting back is great, don’t be afraid to leave some text messages for later. Not only will it be less stressful for the person on the receiving end, but it’ll also make the polite person feel more at ease when responding.
10. Not saying what you actually mean
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A polite person isn’t trying to be difficult by not saying what they mean. Despite what their loved ones may think, polite people are very intentional. However, it’s because of their careful way of operating that a polite habit that most people secretly can’t stand is when someone refuses to say what they mean.
Now, there’s no denying that in some cases, it’s better to hold one’s tongue. Whether they’re at work or in the middle of a crowded room, there’s always a time and place for everything. Even so, certain things like discussing disrespect, boundaries, or preferences are things that should always be prioritized, no matter who someone is talking to.
Unfortunately, polite people refrain from doing so, not wanting to accidentally set someone off. However, it’s because of their inability to say what’s on their mind that things like misunderstandings occur, effectively making already tense situations worse.
11. Being too accommodating with plans
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Finally, the last polite habit that most people secretly can’t stand is being too accommodating with plans. Now, don’t get it twisted. People who can accommodate are angels sent from above. When those last-minute emergencies hit and someone can’t meet up at a designated time frame, there may be no greater feeling than having a friend who’s willing to work with you.
Despite this fact, there’s a fine line between working with someone and throwing one’s boundaries away for the sake of people pleasing. In most cases, overly polite people are more than willing to test their comfort zone just to earn brownie points with people.
And while this is their decision to make, always being the one to ‘make it work’ is bound to burn people out eventually. This is why it’s better to only accommodate when it’s not too much of an inconvenience. Otherwise, resentment may start to brew.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
