11 Phrases That Quietly Reveal Someone's Trying Way Too Hard To Be Liked
Often, the harder you try to be liked, the more impossible it becomes.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock There are some people who just aren’t happy with their lives for one reason or another. Because of that, they seek fulfillment and contentment in all the wrong places. One way people might do this is by trying too hard to be liked. It’s easy to feel like if everyone likes you, you are doing great in life, but that isn’t necessarily the case.
Wanting to be liked is completely normal. We all want the people around us to like us. However, feeling a need to be liked is very different. “A fixation on getting people’s approval at the expense of making your own choices could interfere with how you live your life,” noted writer and education assistant Nancy Lovering. And if someone is trying too hard to be liked, it’s usually pretty easy to tell based on what they say.
Here are 11 phrases that quietly reveal someone’s trying way too hard to be liked
1. ‘That’s a great idea’
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If someone is trying too hard to be liked, they’re probably going to agree with everything you say. They won’t share their own opinion at all. Instead, they’ll just go along with what you think is best. They’ll think every idea that comes out of your mouth is a great one and support it fully. After all, if they disagree with you, that gives you a reason to dislike them.
Sean Grover, LCSW, shared that it can be dangerous to try to be liked by everyone else.
“Rather than being genuine, you labor to create an image that you think people will find appealing,” he said. “In the process, you compromise your authentic self, gradually becoming less honest, less natural, and less ‘you.’ The more you hustle for approval, the less others feel at ease with you.”
When someone is desperate to be liked, they’ll create a fake persona. That persona will always agree with you and think you’re right because they think that is the path to being liked. While this might sound nice, it gets old pretty fast. Not having anyone to balance out your personality and values with their own doesn’t make for a solid friendship.
2. ‘Are you mad at me?’
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Someone who is trying too hard to be liked is probably going to be insecure and worried that you’re not fully on board with them for some reason. Because of that, they may question if you’re mad at them and just need frequent reassurance in general. They might perceive everything that you do as being negative towards them in some way.
Barbara Greenberg, PhD, claimed that “Are you mad at me?” is actually the “worst question” you can ask someone. She said that, although someone may actually be trying to figure out if they’re good enough, the question is intrusive and asks too much of the other person.
“If someone is actually angry at you, it is unlikely that you will need to ask,” she pointed out. “It will be clear.”
Asking if someone is mad is unnecessary and, quite frankly, annoying. If the person has no reason to believe they’re mad at them, then they probably aren’t. There’s no need to question it just for the gratification of hearing that no, they are not mad at them. Real relationships are built on trust.
3. ‘You look amazing’
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When someone is trying too hard to be liked, they’ll compliment everyone they see like there’s no tomorrow. They’ll be convinced that compliments are the surest way to be liked, so they’ll spread them all over the place. If someone tells you that you look amazing, they might genuinely mean it, but there’s also a chance that they’re saying that to butter you up and make you like them more. They could also be trying to make themselves feel better.
Hannah Owens, LMSW, said, “There’s emotional reciprocity involved with giving compliments. Seeing someone else happy, especially when you were the one who made them happy, in turn, makes you happy. It’s one of the simplest ways to boost someone else’s mood as well as your own.”
If someone gives you a compliment that feels unearned, they may just be trying to boost their low self-confidence. Or, on the other hand, they may be trying to get on your good side so you decide that you like them. Either way, it may not be genuine, especially if you aren’t close. It’s important to keep that in mind so you don’t get hurt.
4. ‘I’m sorry about that’
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Someone who is trying a little too hard to be liked will tend to apologize repeatedly, even when it’s not warranted. They’ll assume they are always doing something wrong that demands an apology because they won’t be confident in their actions. This is toxic, because nobody needs to apologize or take responsibility for things they didn’t do.
Gregory Chasson, PhD, ABPP, said that when people apologize out of a sense of worry or insecurity, it can be referred to as an “anxious sorry.” This is really a safety mechanism for coping with anxiety. He said this can become unhealthy when someone uses it repeatedly instead of addressing whatever the real, deep problem is.
Someone who is trying hard to be liked probably has a lot of built-up anxiety over their position in society and certain friendships. This anxiety may be manifested as an insecure apology that isn’t really needed. This is a warning sign to look out for when dealing with people you don’t know very well.
5. ‘I’m happy to help’
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When someone is trying to be liked, they’ll do anything in their power to help. They’ll go above and beyond what they would normally do, all in the name of being liked more by somebody. They will want to make themselves useful and offer up help in any way they can, just so they’ll be liked better. They may not really want to help or have the expertise required to do so, but that won’t stop them from trying.
By helping another person, someone is showing how important that person is to them. As Roni Beth Tower, PhD, ABPP, said, “By rearranging your routines to accommodate a request or meet a need, you signal the importance to you of the person you help.” Helping others makes them feel loved and valued.
In most people’s minds, that would be a sure way to appear more likable. However, like most things, this may not be genuine, as the person has ulterior motives in trying to be liked more and doesn’t have a sweet agenda to simply be a help to others.
6. ‘You’re so much better than I am’
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If someone is trying to get you to like them, they’ll try to boost your ego and give you compliments. Their goal will be to make you feel better about yourself, so you’ll, in turn, feel better about them. By pointing out how much better you supposedly are, they make you shine brighter while their own light dims. It’s the perfect way to make you think you’re special to them.
Life coach Shola Richards spoke of the need to be liked overtaking everything else in one’s life. “The problem comes when we need to be liked in order to be happy,” he said. “Once it becomes a need, we’ll do all sorts of dumb things to fill that bottomless pit of craving acceptance in order to feel whole.”
One of those “dumb things” someone might do is insist that you are better than them when there is really no competition or need for comparison. They’ll even have you second-guessing yourself and wondering why you’re so great in the first place. That’s because their words hold little value. After all, they’ll say whatever it takes to be liked.
7. ‘I’ll pay for it’
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Someone who wants to be liked may always offer to pay, whether it’s for food, entertainment, or even spontaneous gifts. This is, really, a form of buying your admiration, and there’s a good chance it will work. Who doesn’t love it when a friend picks up the tab at a restaurant or gives you something because it made them think of you?
According to Live Science’s Brian Anthony Hernandez, a 2010 study found that “people will spend large sums of money to forge friendships and bond with a certain crowd.” So, while someone may be a little bit more budget-conscious when it comes to expenses related to themselves, they’re likely to overlook how much it costs to be liked by someone else.
In our society, we typically think of money as a thing that can buy happiness. And, in this case, it can buy friendship. Someone willing to pay for everyone else will find themselves fitting right in with that group. It’s just the way life works. Because of that, this is a sure method for someone who wants to be liked.
8. ‘Do you like me?’
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A person who is trying to get others to like them is bound to be insecure and seek reassurance. Instead of saying something sly to try to make others like them more, they may just flat out ask if they are liked. If someone asks if you like them, this can put you in a tough position because you may have to choose between answering honestly and hurting their feelings.
This forces you to question whether you do like that person. Some signs of liking someone could include feeling happy around them or enjoying spending time with them. Of course, if you don’t feel this way, that can cause its own set of problems.
Writer Barbara Field noted, “When someone lies out of altruism to protect others or ease their pain, these lies are considered acceptable white lies. White lies usually benefit the person listening.”
So, even if you don’t particularly like the person very much, it’s okay to tell them that you do in the name of not hurting their feelings. This may only make them more eager to be liked, though.
9. ‘You’re always right’
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Even if they completely disagree with you, a person who is trying to get you to like them will claim that you’re always right, no matter what. They’ll go along with whatever you say or do in an attempt to be liked more. Telling you that you’re always right is their way of buttering you up and letting you know that they think highly of you, even if they don’t.
Nancy Lovering noted, “Most people prefer approval over criticism. They want others to like them, and they feel bad when the feedback they get isn’t good.”
So, naturally, that person will assume other people feel the same way and only give them praise. While this may feel nice at first, it becomes obviously disingenuous after a while.
Perhaps the worst part about someone saying you’re always right is that you know it’s not true. No one can always be right, and being told so feels a little disconcerting. Instead of liking that person, you’ll probably feel an even stronger pull to avoid them at all costs.
10. ‘That’s my favorite too’
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Someone who wants you to like them will have a sense of agreement that knows no limits. They’ll agree with everything you say, including when it comes to what your favorite things are. If you share a favorite song, food, or movie, they will automatically pipe up and say they like it too. They will want to be as much like you as possible because they will think that’s the way to get you to like them more.
No two people can agree on everything or like all of the same things. Famed British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said, “If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” By removing their real feelings from the situation, that person is just pushing you away instead of making you like them more.
People like differences and quirks. If someone seems to be a carbon copy of you, they likely won’t be very fun to be around, especially in the long run. Being yourself is always the best choice.
11. ‘I want us all to be happy’
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A person who wants to be liked will say that they want everyone to be happy and get along without disagreements. They will do or say whatever is necessary to keep everyone happy and maintain the status quo, even if it means doing something they don’t want to do. The happiness of the group is most important to them because they want everyone to feel included and welcomed. The more they can make people feel that way, the better chance they have at being liked.
Kristi Pikiewicz, Ph.D., shared that attempting to keep everyone else happy can make the one person bearing that load pretty miserable. She said this can lead to a startling inequality in relationships.
“There is nothing wrong with this idea, and the most rewarding, mutual relationships are comprised of spontaneous gestures of kindness, love, support and acts of service,” she argued. “Things tend to go south, though, when one person finds himself or herself continuously giving much more than they receive.”
Unfortunately, it simply isn’t feasible for everyone to get along perfectly. And, it’s not even a sure way for someone to get everyone to like them. After all, if they push others closer together, doesn’t that mean there’s a chance that they are farther away from them? There’s no possible way to make this work properly. It simply isn’t realistic for anyone involved.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
