6 Phrases People Use All The Time That Make Life Way Harder Than It Has To Be

The language you use can have a profound impact on your self-image, how you show up in the world, and how you live your life. Words have the power to shape your beliefs and influence your decisions, and can either empower you to love yourself more or to feel awful. The way you express yourself, your choice of words, and your tone of voice create energy that either gives you power or takes it away, so it makes sense that using empowering words does more for your everyday life than perpetuating negative thoughts.

Negative words are taken for granted as part of your everyday communication and narrow your mind in a way that cuts you off from other options and possibilities. Additionally, disempowering words affect your feelings and behaviors. They diminish your ability to be the master of your destiny, create discomfort, and decrease the amount of energy you have to move forward in a fulfilling way.

Here are 6 phrases people use all the time that make life way harder than it has to be:

1. 'I can't'

Sad person feels they can't and makes life harder eldar nurkovic via Shutterstock

When you say, “I can’t,” you set yourself up for failure because it means you are giving up or you lack the power. It implies a low self-image, helplessness, and a lack of self-control. Using the word also increases your stress level, blocks creativity, and your ability to problem-solve. Instead, use this empowering word: won't. When you say, “I won’t,” you assert confidence and self-control. It signifies preference and choice.

2. 'I have to'

Serious person checks watch and has to go showing way to make life harder F8 studio via Shutterstock

When you say, “I have to," or "I need to,” you are relinquishing your ability to make your own choices and therefore becoming a victim. Using those words fosters the inner dialogue that creates conditions of powerlessness. Instead, use these empowering words: choose to or want to. Everything is a choice. You don’t “have to.” You “do” or “get to do.” Use choose to or want to instead. When you say, “I choose to," or "I want to,” you acknowledge you have the right to choose your path.

3. 'I should'

Upset person looks at phone and feels they should do something showing way to make life harder Andrii Iemelianenko via Shutterstock

When you say, “I should,” it implies there is a right or wrong way to do something. Thinking you might be wrong is not elevating. It sends a message that you are not in control or worthwhile and don’t want to do something. The word “should” also signifies a lack of acceptance rather than encouragement. Instead, use this empowering word: can. This is why you can say "can or could." When you say, “I can, or I could,” you are reinforcing your freedom and ability to take full ownership.

4. "I always, never'

Shocked person with receipt always makes life harder aslysun via Shutterstock

When you say, “always" or "never,” you're trying to prove a point and become position-based. Your goal becomes winning instead of understanding and a positive resolution. These words encourage awfulizing and catastrophizing thoughts, which deplete your energy and cause anxiety. Instead, use these empowering words: sometimes or often. When you say, “Sometimes, often, or seldom,” you don't box yourself in and create an opportunity for openness and acceptance.

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5. '... But'

Professional person explains but makes life harder PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock

When you say, “but,” it causes everything that was said or thought before it to be negated. It often has the effect of changing a neutral statement into a negative one. The word closes off the conversation space or thought process. Instead, use this empowering word: and. A study of empowering versus disempowering self-talk supported that when you say “and,” it enables you and others to stay focused on your intentions and true to what you want to say or do. It allows you to remain more open and less defensive.

6. 'I try'

Annoyed person is frustrated trying showing way to make life harder Antonio Guillem via Shutterstock

When you say, “I try,” it means you are unsure, indecisive, and disengaged from the commitment. Saying "I try" makes it OK to fail without a fight. Instead, use this empowering word: commit. When you say, “I commit,” though, you make a pledge that obligates you to a certain course of action.

You work harder, you look for solutions when faced with obstacles, you don’t consider quitting as an option, and you don’t look back. Commitments are empowering because they influence how you think, how you sound, and how you act. Speaking a positive vernacular requires constant awareness.

Jennifer Warren Medwin is an experienced certified divorce coach and a Supreme Court of Florida family mediator. She is also the author of Strategies & Tips from a Divorce Coach: A Roadmap to Move Forward.